Start Close In

Do you remember that first year of Covid when the world felt like it was crumbling around us? One of my favourite creative outputs from that time was John Krasinski’s Some Good News series. We could all use some good news.

In my some good news, I joined Richard Rosser 's Career Transitions program as a guest speaker, talking about my Courage to Quit offering and some of the inner barriers to change I see in my work with clients. Speaking with this group of smart, hard-working people dedicated to reconnecting with a sense of aliveness was a highlight of my week. They were at a point in the course where they were actively defining their “Plan A” – what they feel is calling them next – which is exactly when that inner voice of doubt starts to speaks up. “That’s great, but is it realistic?” “You’re not in your 20s anymore – you have a family to look out for.” “You’re too far along in your career to make a pivot, you’ll never be able to compete with people who have been doing this for their whole lives.”

One theme that surprised me was how many people are seeking certainty about the end game before making their next move. I heard questions like:

• How can I get comfortable that my next move is the right one, or at least in the right direction, before I make it?
• I don’t want to ‘dream big’ because it’s not practical, and I want to limit my future disappointment. How do I deal with that?
• I don’t have a vision of what my next step is ultimately leading to. What if I’m missing potential paths (the ‘unknown unknowns’) because I just haven’t come across them?

One of the main lessons I’ve learned in my work with clients is that no one knows the final destination, even if they think they do. I'm reminded of that famous quote that “life can only be lived forwards and understood backwards.” Having some sort of direction that you’d like to test as a hypothesis is extremely helpful, but you may just as soon find out that your hypothesis was wrong. I knew someone who thought he wanted to sell vintage clothing online (because he enjoyed sourcing good deals himself), only to find out that the inventory management side of it was a drain. Another client thought she wanted to take a more entrepreneurial role at a marketing start-up, only to discover that she missed the comfort that the structure and predictability of a larger organization provided.

Life can only be lived forwards and understood backwards.

One of my favourite poems on this topic is “Start Close In”, by David Whyte (I can’t believe I haven’t shared it yet!). When we are hesitant to act, the answer is almost always not to do more analysis, but to start close in – to take the first step, the step you don’t want to take. One of my clients spent weeks agonizing about whether she should be applying for new jobs, eventually coming to conclusion that the first step was actually to go 80% in her current role to create more space in her life. She dragged her feet on speaking to her manager about it, afraid of how it would make her look. Once she finally took that step, she discovered everyone was very supportive of her request – that the response she had dreamed up in her mind was far worse than the reality.

If you feel like you have been going around in circles in your mind about the next step in your life, a decision you have to make, or a situation that is causing you distress, perhaps see if you can zoom in on the timeline more. What’s the smallest next step you can take into the unknown? What are you hoping to learn from it? Step by step, we move forward.

About Friday Pauses

We can all sense how a lack of presence in our daily life affects the quality of our relationships, our ability to form real connections – and yet we struggle to set aside distractions. In my Friday Pauses, I want to encourage us all to do just that – pause for a moment and feel what it’s like to be present by reading a poem.

If you’re new to Friday Pause, here’s what I suggest:

• Minimize or close other screens.
• Put your phone on silent.
• Close your eyes and take a full breath in…and out. Maybe count to four on the inhale and six on the exhale.
• Read the poem below – out loud, if you can. It will slow you down and help you feel the words more.
• Take another deep breath in…and out.
• Resume your day.