Stars or Scars ?

If you are an artist you could agree that your life is an adventure and there is no adventure without uncertainty or risk. Every work is a project and once it gets over, it leaves its marks on you, some you may want to share like being part of a great cast, an iconic story, creative satisfaction, realisations or a challenge that couldn’t be overcome yet, relationships or other challenges at work. Fortunately or unfortunately you carry these stars or scars with you. However, your next project, if it happens soon,? may not need you to belong to anything from your past work. You know that and you don’t carry any baggage and with this affirmation, you keep moving. Years pass and your sporadic shine keeps reflecting upon you in your corner of life creating an illusion of a beautiful living dream that keeps you going. In this metamorphosis -from nothing to something to nothing again, an artist gets consumed at a psychophysical level. What is it that refuels the energy and the momentum and what is the toll that it takes?

Coincidentally, very recently there was an excerpt from Randeep Hooda’s interview from Mashable that was quoted in India today where he expressed his deep disappointment and a sense of dejection over “The Battle of Saragadhi”, which never made it to the screen. Hooda revealed that he had invested three years of his life into the role, turning down other opportunities due to the requirement of maintaining long hair and a thick beard for the film. The 'Highway' actor said that There were many situations in life when he thought there was nothing but darkness. He went through a big stage of depression. In fact, he says he did 'Extraction' in that stage of life when he was down and out. He even thought of leaving 'Extraction' for this project and even left films for three years. He shared that his parents won’t leave him alone. To escape from them, he would bolt his room, fearing that someone would cut his beard. He ultimately decided that he wouldn’t let this happen to him ever again.

This resonates personally too.? I remember to have been voicing for a project and in the middle of my recording halfway past the work, there comes a message, the recording is stopped and the director, engineer and myself are taken aback to hear that the project is not required to be dubbed. Was is awkward? Yes.? Did it mean a loss of money? No, we would be paid for the work done. However, there was a robbing of the emotional investment that I had made in the world of that story. In every breath there was acceptance and exchange of energy, where did it all go? Past many hours were spent in living moments that just won't exist now? There was also an intangible loss of hope in a mother who found a world, a story and lives that resonated. Today there is a flood of informed conversations and discussions all around the world about challenges young families are grappling with. As a parent, this project was a hope because it had a universal language that had the potential to touch hearts and get through to lives creating the possibility of transformation. It is ironic and under-acknowledged that this medium of work consumes humans to touch humans.

Beyond all this, where should an artist place his compass and where is the harness? In the acknowledgements that could possibly come or with the journey that was experienced while living the part? The answer could lie at different places depending upon what one’s own currency of life is.

Would love to hear your thoughts and if you have been in a similar situation where do you place your compass?