Stapler-Throwing Prevention: A Guide to Leading Angry & Depressed

You have a great idea! You practically pop & locked into the meeting. Your brilliance and creativity...land like the thud of a dropped mic! Your carefully planned strategies are greeted with...let’s call them “constructive" complaints! Your enthusiastic vision for the future? Blank stares and a golf clap from the intern, who's probably just hoping for a good performance review.

Have you ever found yourself back at your desk just wanting to throw something? Of course not, who does that? But if you've ever felt like you're the only one who sees potential, and everyone else is perfectly content with the status quo, it can easily move you to think, “What’s the use?”

Leaders often face the messy reality of human emotions in the workplace. Lately, it seems anger and depression are on the rise, both in our teams and within ourselves.

These emotions are uncomfortable, they can derail performance, and they make things feel heavy and awkward. But what if, instead of reaching for the metaphorical fire extinguisher every time emotions flare up, we saw them as data? Like those little error messages your computer throws at you, except slightly more complex.

Anger Isn’t Always the Enemy

Here's a thought that might surprise you: Anger isn't bad. In fact, it often comes from a place of genuine passion. Think about it:

• Anger means you care. You're invested in something – a project, a value, a person. It's a sign that you're engaged, not checked out.
• Anger is trying to tell you something. It's a voice that wants to be heard, saying, "Hey, something's not right here!"

So, the next time you're feeling that anger flare up (in yourself or someone else), don't just try to shut it down. Instead, ask: "What really matters to me (or this person) right now?" That's where the true value is.

Example: You've got a team member who treats deadlines like they're personally attacking their family. Instead of immediately labeling them as the office bellyacher, dig a little. What about the deadlines is causing the friction? Is it a resource issue? Do expectations feel unrealistic? Do they believe they're not being heard? The answer will point you to the underlying value that's feeling threatened. Now you’re dealing with foundational issues not just surface emotions.

The Anger-Depression Link: When the Voice Gets Silenced

When it's channeled constructively, anger can be a real force for good. But when it's not expressed, or when it's expressed in unhealthy ways, it can turn into something much darker: depression, apathy, a sense of hopelessness.

Imagine anger like a pressure cooker. If the steam doesn't have a way to escape, it just builds and builds. That feeling of "nobody cares as much as I do" becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People start to feel isolated, unheard, and, ultimately, like they have no power to change things. This is where the link between anger and depression becomes really clear:

• Unheard anger goes underground. It simmers, eating away at hope and self-esteem.
• Hopelessness creeps in. The belief that "nothing will ever change," that your voice doesn't matter, starts to take over.
• Depression sets in. This can look like withdrawal, a lack of motivation, lower productivity, and just a general feeling of "what's the point?"

Avoiding the "Self-Will Run Riot" Trap

This growing pressure of unresolved anger and the beginnings of depression can cause some people (and leaders are often prone to this) try to take control by going into "self-will run riot" mode. “I’ll do it myself!” It's basically a power move, a last-ditch effort to feel in charge.

It usually looks like this:

• "I don't need anyone" attitude: Pushing people away, refusing help, becoming fiercely independent (even when it hurts them).
• Stuffing it down: Pretending the anger and hurt aren't there, trying to just "power through."
• Putting on a power face: Projecting an image of strength, while secretly falling apart inside.

This might feel empowering for a little while, but it's actually a dead end. It isolates you even more, cuts you off from genuine connection, and stops any chance of real healing. It's like putting a lid on that pressure cooker – the pressure just keeps building, even if you can't see it.

But anger can be a catalyst for positive change. It all comes down to how we choose to respond. As leaders, we have a huge opportunity to model and encourage healthy responses – for our teams and for ourselves.

Here are some practical things you can do:

• Acknowledge and Validate: First, just acknowledge the anger. Saying, "I see you're frustrated, and it's okay to feel that way," can be incredibly powerful. It doesn't mean you agree with everything, but it does mean you recognize the emotion as valid.
• Create Safe Spaces: Make it okay for people to express their concerns in helpful ways without fear of being judged or punished. This could be regular team check-ins, regular one-on-one conversations, or systematic ways to give feedback.
• Actively Listen: Don't just hear the words; listen for the underlying need. Ask questions to clarify. Reflect back what you're hearing ("So, it sounds like you're feeling frustrated because...").
• Focus on Solutions: Don’t just react, respond. Once you've identified the root issue, shift gears and start working toward solutions. This might mean adjusting processes, clarifying expectations, providing more resources, or simply offering a listening ear.
• Encourage Professional Help: Sometimes we need additional help. Be ready to offer resources for counseling, therapy, or employee assistance programs.
• Lead by Example: Be open about your own struggles (when it's appropriate) and show how you handle your own anger and stress in healthy ways. This creates a culture of vulnerability and authenticity.
• Promote Self-Care as Essential: A gentle, but firm, reminder that adequate rest, good food, and reasonable breaks are not an indulgence, but imperative.

So, the next time you're facing a volcano of emotions in the workplace – or feeling that internal rumble yourself – remember: it's probably not a personal attack. It's data. A flashing 'check engine' light for your wellbeing. And just like that light in your car, ignoring it won't make it go away. Whether it's a colleague's frustration boiling over, or your own sense of being overwhelmed, the first step is to pause. Ask yourself, or them, 'What's really going on underneath this?' Maybe it's a sign that everyone needs a good coffee break (and a workload reassessment). Maybe you need to schedule that overdue day off. You've got this – one deep breath, one honest conversation, and one slightly-less-stressful step at a time.

Have you ever felt like your enthusiasm was met with resistance? How did you handle it? Leave a comment or question!