A Stanislavski Approach to Asking

I was out to lunch the other day when one of my friends who's an executive coach asked me a question about her clients. 

She mentioned that she had certain clients who knew that they had to ask for something in a meeting and it would trip them up. 

In some cases, it really made it hard to concentrate for the rest of the meeting because they knew "the ask" was coming. 

When presented with this problem, I was reminded of my time as a director. 

Basically, I subscribed to Stanislavski's methods when working with my actors. 

For those outside of the theatre bubble, Konstantin Stanislavski was a major force in the world of theatre and had a specific method of helping actors become their characters while on stage. 

The method involved a lot of pre-work. You would break a scene into "beats" and for each beat, you'd ask the actor about their motivation in the scene and what they were doing to get what they want. 

Lastly, you'd ask them to identify the obstacles that were getting in the way and then you'd have the actor perform the scene and take notes. 

And the truth is, any meeting with an "ask" that you have to make follows the same rules. 

The problem for most people is that like many actors, they don't prepare. 

They don't ask ahead of time the questions about that meeting and get so clear on the information that the ask becomes something that is not an awkward moment in the meeting. 

It's simply a beat within the scene. 

So how do you implement this for yourself if you have to ask for something today? 

Use these questions BEFORE the meeting: 

1. What do I want? - This seems simple at first glance but is the most important question you can ask. If you are selling something you don't just want money, you want something deeper. Keep digging until you know what it is. 

2. Why do I want it? - You may have heard an actor joke "what's my motivation" but this is huge for everyone. Why do you want this thing that you are asking for? Be honest with yourself about what this means to you and you are less likely to have it hit you during the meeting. 

3. What must I overcome to get what I want? - You are less likely to get thrown in a meeting if you've thought about your obstacles ahead of time. Taking the time to think of these things will increase your confidence in the meeting and make asking less concerning. 

Answering the hard questions before the meeting will make the meeting feel completely different. 

A scene performed when you haven't prepared lacks focus. 

A scene where you're prepared flows in such a way, you can stay "in the moment" the whole time. 

If you're in the moment during your meeting, you can listen and react rather than waiting for your next line. 

So if you have a meeting coming up and you are truly worried about an ask you have to make, sit down and answer these questions. 

I promise you'll feel more comfortable as a result. 

And remember, there are no bad parts.  

Only bad askers. 

Excelsior! 

Michael Roderick is the founder of Small Pond Enterprises, a company that works at the intersection of relationship building and Thought Leadership. You can read more articles like this one on his daily email list HERE.