Standing in Your Truth

Sometimes there will be times that standing in your truth will profoundly impact the future direction of your life even though you cannot see these changes ahead yet, as they still wait hidden behind the unknown you bravely enter. Changes waiting for you to first take action to demonstrate something really matters you, and in doing so sending your energy out to find ways you can be supported in that. And, that support won’t always come from where you think it will.

What does “Standing in Your Truth” mean?

It means you have the courage to both stand up for yourself and to speak up about things that really bother you, hurt you (or someone else) or are just not right for you as they violate your values.

To stand strongly in your own truth when it’s needed you need to know exactly who you are, know your own worth, know what you stand for, know your own important values and know your true nature. To have the courage to be authentic enough to stay true to yourself, assertive enough to speak up when it is needed, and brave enough to withstand the discomfort that sometimes comes with that. 

Positive personal growth will undeniably always accompany such difficult and uncomfortable experiences (if you will allow it to). Because, when you are intersecting with something that is testing and challenging you to your limits, and also offering you the opportunity to go beyond them (and do something different than you normally would) it is seldom comfortable, easy or fun to experience. However, with the willingness to persevere despite your discomfort, the situation will eventually transform and then achieve that all important growth for you. That growth is not always evidenced immediately though (this requires patience) as there is usually an integration period to go through first following the experience, after which helpful insights emerge for you that better inform future decisions well aligned with this new growth.

When faced with discomfort in a growth situation it is good to be reminded the natural biological default response to experiencing discomfort around the disturbance of our positive sense of self (if it becomes challenged in the experience) is to extinguish that feeling. Nobody likes their positive self-image being challenged, so the default response is protective, with a purpose of seeking to minimise discomfort as soon as it can be enacted. So, we do this by either avoiding the situation, or seeking to control it in some way so we begin to feel less of that discomfort and hopefully better about ourselves. This is when we might sway outside of standing in our truth. Especially if we are faced with disapproval, rejection, or feelings of isolation that can be experienced as a result of going against the grain. These totally unpleasant experiences (I mean who really likes disapproval, rejection or isolation) will only ever be temporary though. All enormous growth opportunities present themselves to you while you are totally outside of your comfort zone and the key is staying present with the uncomfortable situation and staying open to what it could transform into. 

Literally anything that will take your life greatly beyond what it is now, will always require this of you. Only the bold and brave succeed at truly worthwhile things. You can either stay where you are, experiencing no change, or you can practice being brave with your feelings around discomfort to see what happens. Because, you simply cannot feel positive all the time and grow as a human as well. At least, not one who has a good appreciation for the depth of experiences necessary for us to learn from, including the difficult ones.

Standing in your truth requires courage, especially when your own vulnerability is being felt acutely in the midst of it. Because, if it is important to you (like, really important to you) then it should matter to you enough that you will take action on it. You don’t need anyone else’s permission to speak up about what is important to you.

Discomfort, and speaking up, is exactly what enforces changes to things that are not right, fair or just. Movements to successfully change society have been based on people doing this. Feeling very uncomfortable about a situation and speaking up about it, despite the personal persecution that may initially be experienced by those who oppose this most. Many of us are very egalitarian now and we totally support diversity and inclusiveness and promoting better equity within that, including fair representation of gender, ethnicity, sexual orientation and other things in our communities and workplaces. To grow a healthy collective sense of humanity we know it is important we all have the same opportunities available to us, regardless of differences, as this is pivotal for our societies future wellbeing. Thinking about diversity on an individual level (diversity of thought and creativity) the principle is no different. You have a right to be seen and heard too. Speak up about the things you feel uncomfortable about, and don’t just go along with what others want or expect from you if it just doesn’t feel right to you. It is important for your own wellbeing that you have a voice, as this increases your confidence that you matter as much as anyone else. And because you are a unique human you are the best person to know what is best for you, at least to the best of your ability right now - that can and does change. How do you know what is best for you? You have to know what is most important to you, what your personal values are, what energises you and brings you to life - and you then commit to living your life aligned to all this and make sure your decisions are guided by these things. Who are you if you are unable to live steadfast to your own values?

Be Very Clear on What is Important To You

If you don’t know, work it out, as a priority. Not knowing who you comfortably (or uncomfortably) truly are means you’ll be whipped around by the winds of other people, and what they want from you.

I worked out a while ago what was really important to me, and I let people know so that we can make decisions together on whether to engage in things together or not if it just isn’t a good match - including work and friendships. It is important to me that I am able to be authentic wherever I show up, that I speak up when not speaking up troubles me, that my life is balanced and not skewed unhealthily towards work, and that I can regularly engage in being brave, wild and free with life. (Although, being free is actually an outcome of my willingness to be brave, bold and of staying true to myself). It is also important to me that I engage in heart-centred relationships. Which in a nutshell means: “I care about you, you care about me”. You cannot truly live (versus just living and having transactions with life and other people in order to get something you want) if you are unable to connect with others at a level of caring. And, you’ll never truly feel alive in the absence of these types of connections in your life. You know them - they feed and nourish you.

Sometimes being truly you feels really uncomfortable. Especially when it’s a bit different to others and especially when you’re rejected for it. But, rejection is just information: “This is not for you”.  At least not now, and not at this time as there is just not either a heart or values alignment in place for that rejection to have taken place. As hard as it can be at the time, it is always a blessing when you are rejected for being you as it steers you away from something that would have never satisfied you and frees you up to receive new opportunities that will.

The reason being very clear on what’s important to you is critical for living a full life is that you get good at making decisions that do actually lead you to your happiest, least stressed, most effective, most motivated and most inspired self. This is your best self. Always aim for living to feed your best self.

Surround Yourself With People Who Support and Nourish You

I’m not going to beat around the bush here. You do not need anybody’s permission to leave a situation where you do not feel supported, respected, nourished or appreciated when you are doing your best, and have good intentions present in the first place. A job, a person, anything. Not receiving those things in your life does nothing for your wellbeing. The people you are going to (voluntarily) spend time with will really influence your levels of happiness and positive engagement with life. Ensure then, that they are people that add to your life, not diminish it in any way. Not everyone deserves to be around you. Social conformity might tell you something like - it is important to get on with everyone around you and to not make too many waves. However, making social conformity more important than dealing with a situation that doesn't serve you will just keep you stuck. Instead, you could find yourself resentfully pleasing others despite how you genuinely feel about that, and how much it negatively impacts you. Choose people - don’t use people. If you can’t actually give of yourself to the people you keep around you, you are using them. And, when people are unable to give of themselves in some way to you, they are using you. Give and take is the only way to experience truly healthy relationships. The ability to give - and the ability to receive in return.

There are many situations, also, where we spend time with people involuntarily and work is the classic example of this. In this situation we are required to spend a lot of time with people that we sometimes would not otherwise choose to be in our lives or to interact with, if we were given a free choice. But because of this, it also provides us with an enormous opportunity to learn about individual differences and to seek to understand how to best work with that effectively for mutually intended outcomes to be achieved, which is generally the purpose of work – to achieve agreed outcomes.

Managing the Experience

So, you are being brave and standing in your truth during an uncomfortable situation and asserting what is important to you. Will this always go well for you? Not always. Because you are not able to know how other people will respond to that, or how willing they will be to work with you and your truth. It totally depends on how open they are to considering your perspective, or if they even care about what is important to you. It depends on what is motivating them, what they want, and it also depends on how much they care for the relationship with you and how much what you are asking for can actually be provided by them (if at all).

Standing in your truth can result in one of two things. Great disappointment (resulting in you leaving something behind) or the powerful transformation of a situation resulting in positive growth and expansion for all involved - enrichment. There are no guarantees in life and there is only one way to find out which it will be. Either outcome propels you in the right direction, it just might not feel like it at the time. Stand in your truth and speak up.

Remember This:

People who highly value themselves will leave friendships, romantic relationships and jobs when their boundaries and values are continually violated and resolution is not reached, then replace them with ones that nourish and support them better. Be yourself, value yourself, treat yourself like you truly matter and never wait for other people to tell you that you do.

When you have the courage to be yourself, to mold your life around what is important to you, and to find and surround yourself with supportive people it shows the way for others to do this also, and this is a beautiful thing. 

Together, we can do better to live our best lives.

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