Standing Alone.

A post that still sends shivers down my spine... A post that wrote itself two years ago on the eve of the War. About the strength and courage encapsulated in the competency Standing Alone described in the Development Guide. Korn Ferry.

On February 15th 2022, I wrote a post about a competency with one of the most poetic and beautiful titles I could only imagine. Its description attracted me like a magnet. For 3 days before that, I read and reread how to develop it, bookmarked it, and savoured the beauty of the text and the depth of its meaning.

9 days later, the war began, and I realised that my subconsciousness and intuition had already been urging me to prepare for one of the biggest challenges of my life - The War.?

Standing alone is a philosophy of my life, no matter how pretentious it may sound. There has never been, nor will there ever be, a topic closer to my heart. I have a lot to say about it.?

It's amazing how our future can speak to us from our subconsciousness. I can confidently say that this competency ranks in the TOP-3 critically necessary for immigrants because, in a foreign new country, without knowing anyone and with no connections, it is important to develop a strong internal support system—relying on yourself and your own strength. And to remember that there are many kind and friendly people around, but you should not expect or rely on their help. And of course, no one owes us anything.?

In both trouble and joy, we are always Standing Alone…

What description does Lominger give for this competency?

"Standing alone involves being comfortable with the conflict inherent with being an individual champion. It means staking out tough and lonely positions, speaking out loud as a lone voice, and taking the buffeting that comes with that. It requires a strong sense of self and a lot of self-confidence. Leading is many times standing alone."

For me this is about "Resilience in Solitude".

Ability to:?

1. Stand tall and take the hit (very resonant with Peterson's "Stand up straight")?
2. Not diminish one's responsibility?
3. Be able to provide support?
4. Be someone others can rely on?
5. Have the courage to face problems alone?
6. Feel comfortable working in difficult conditions

Lominger provides several recommendations on how to develop this competency and also offers a corresponding list of books and resources. Aside from that I added my personal recommendations to the list.?

Overall, they focus on maintaining common sense, critical thinking, composure, and managing emotions.?

In the end, there is a quote from Barbara Boxer, a U.S. Senator:?

“Even if I have to stand alone, I will not be afraid to stand alone. I am going to fight for you. I am going to fight for what is right. I am going to fight to hold people accountable.”

I think today it is especially worth considering developing and strengthening this very competency — Standing Alone.

70%. Practical Learning.?

Maybe because I have been a single mother for many years, I have built my life in such a way that I always rely only on myself. I don't know if this is good or bad, but that's how it has turned out for me. Without any pathos, I can say that when the war in Ukraine started, this quality saved me and my family. I didn't have to align or confirm my decision with anyone or find someone to get me and my children out of the Russian missiles. I just threw things into suitcases, packed up my children and my mother, put them in the car, and drove towards Poland. From that moment on, I looked only forward, and surprisingly, I have met a lot of kind and generous people who support me in many ways.

At the same time, I always try to remember that help is transient. It may not always be there. There is a good expression I recently came across: "Hope Is Not A Plan."?

So here are a few of my recommendations on how to strengthen yourself in this position - Standing Alone.

1. Go where it’s scary.?

When I arrived in Canada and started looking for a job, my English was far from perfect. It still isn't the best, but it was much worse 2 years ago when I had to actively search for my first job in a new country. A big Job Fair was planned in Halifax. I printed 50 resumes and went to the fair. There were no job offers as a result, but I repeated my elevator pitch 50 times. Not to mention the number of contacts I gathered. So whenever there is even the slightest opportunity to expand mutually valuable connections, I always take it. Even when it seems very uncomfortable and scary.

2. Fake it till you make it.

I waited for 6 months for my first tax return from CRA. My initial application was put in a special audit for no reason. The only thing I could do was to keep calling, reminding them about me and asking about the status of my case. Not only do I hate phone conversations, but the return was also delayed for unclear reasons. I set a goal for myself — to be as patient as possible (a quality I still lack) and call every week on Mondays (it was my frog I ate every Monday??). In the end, I received my tax return in August, and I learned patience and acceptance through valuable interactions with CRA and, of course, improved my English.

3. Value yourself.

This turned out to be more difficult than I thought because the stereotype that everything in Western culture is always top-notch and that you, as an immigrant, can't contribute much was very strong. After a year and a half of working at one of the most successful Big Four companies, 2 colleagues reached out to me with a request to become their internal Career Coach because they liked my approaches to self-advocacy and how I offered the promotion of learning programs that were part of my portfolio. At that moment, I finally realised that I am not just an immigrant who took a job from a Canadian. I am a valuable employee who brings unique value and an external new perspective to the company.?

20%. Social Learning.?

Regular psychotherapy. As my stay in Canada continued, my circle of Ukrainian friends narrowed while my circle of Canadian friends expanded, which is naturally expected. Gradually, I became my own coach and mentor. I still have my closest friends with whom I constantly communicate on Telegram.?

What I would most recommend in the competency of Standing Alone, in the Social Learning section, is to regularly see a psycotherapist. Someone local will work best - the one who understands the culture and traditions of the country. I will write about my experience finding a good specialist later. That was not easy either.

10%. Formal Learning.?

Here, I will provide a list of literature from the original Korn Ferry source. I believe no one can make a better and more comprehensive list. Besides, this article has already become quite long ??

• Cloud, H. (2006). Integrity: The courage to meet the demands of reality. New York: HarperCollins.
• Cooper, C. (2008). Extraordinary circumstances: The journey of a corporate whistleblower. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.
• Chaleff, 1. (2003). The courageous follower: Standing up to and for our ie San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler Publishers.
• Cloud, H. (2006). Integrity: The courage to meet the demands of reality. New York: HarperCollins.
• Kolditz, T. A. (2007). In extremis leadership: Leading as if your life depended on it.
• Lee, G., & Elliott-Lee, D. (2006). Courage: The backbone of leadership. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass.
• Linsky, M., & Heifetz, R. A. (2002). Leadership on the line: Staying alive through the dangers of leading. Boston: Harvard Business Review.?
• Maney, K. (2003). The maverick and his machine: Thomas Watson, Sr. and the making of IBM. Hoboken, NJ: John Wiley & Sons.
• McPherson, J. M. (2009). Abraham Lincoln: A presidential life. New York: Oxford University Press.
• Swartz, M., & Watkins, S. (2003). Power failure: The inside story of the collapse of Enron. New York: Doubleday.
• Thornton, P. B. (2002). Be the leader, make the difference. Irvine, CA: Grifim. Trade Paperback.

Thank you for reading to the end.

To be continued...