Stamping out Bad Manners

Encouraging good manners is one side of the coin. The other requires developing mechanisms and strategies to eliminate poor manners from your workplace. When workplace manners begin to slip, it can be hard to stop the slide and regain control.

Open communication and empathy are perhaps your strongest weapons for controlling discourtesy in the office. When people stop talking or sharing their experiences and concerns, or when they stop considering how their actions make others feel, poor behavior can start to work its way into the fabric of the organization's culture.

Consider this scenario. A few jokes get passed around the company's intranet. Everyone has a good laugh. Then slowly, over time, the jokes get more and more explicit. No one says anything because nobody wants to be the one who stops all the fun. Then a harassment complaint is made, the fun comes to a screeching halt – and everyone wishes they had said something earlier to stop the inappropriate behavior.

Or you start noticing that your snacks and drinks are missing from the fridge. You don't say anything because it's just a pop or a snack-size yogurt. You don't want people to think you're cheap or a complainer so you bring a cooler to work and put it under your desk.

While the magnitudes of these issues are vastly different, what allows the situation to deteriorate is poor communication from one side and a lack of empathy from the other.

First, you have to have a workplace where there is open and honest communication. When you do, your co-workers feel comfortable voicing their concerns and there are mechanisms in place for resolving conflicts.

Along with these, people must also believe that something will done to address their concerns. They have to see that their issues are taken care of and that management is just as concerned about poor behavior as they are.

On the flip side, people must take responsibility for their actions. They must think about the impact of what they say or do has on other people and the workplace in general. Whenever you have people working together, there has to be a high level of respect and concern for others.

Some tips for creating this type of workplace include:

• Developing a staff feedback system.
• Clearly defining what is not acceptable in terms of appropriate workplace behavior. This should refer to the "good manners" document you create as part of the process of encouraging good manners.
• Applying a fair and consistent discipline procedure.
• Creating a conflict resolution process that begins with people speaking directly to one another, but where they then get progressively more outside support and assistance if a solution can't be worked out.
• Depending on national culture, consider encouraging people to use the words "I'm sorry" or "I apologize" – and mean it.
• Encouraging people to ask themselves, "How would the other person like to be treated in this situation?" Perhaps even put these words and phrases in prominent areas of the office as reminders to be polite and courteous.

So what can you do if rudeness is endemic within the culture of your Team?

• Demonstrate all the appropriate behaviors in your own actions, whatever your place in the corporate hierarchy. Acting as a role model is one of the most effective means of reinforcing what is acceptable and expected.
• Until things improve, consider adding a "Manners" heading to the agenda of your regular team meeting to emphasize and entrench the importance of change.
• Until things improve, consider adding a manners category to your performance review process. This elevates manners to a core competency level in your team and underpins how important it is to effective performance.