Stammering and the Moment

In 2013 I was asked to give a talk at the TEDxModa conference, Kadir Has University, Istanbul. I presented 'Stammering & Creativity', which became one of the most watched online videos on the subject, linked below. This is a follow-up, in advance of my UK tour of the same name, happening throughout 2018.

I’ve been a stammerer, or stutterer to Americans, since as long as I can remember, or at least 5 years old. My given name is Ben, but for years would block on the letter B, making the tension and struggle of saying my own name unbearable. Whilst working as a salesman for an MFI furniture shop in Carmarthen at 20 years old, the manager took me to one side and asked if I’d change my name for the purposes of work. I discussed it with my then wife, and chose Sean because of some Irish heritage, but mainly I could slide it out. Soon I was introducing myself as this everywhere as it was so easy, and soon again changed it by deedpoll, adding Sean to the front of my original full name. Not having been christened made this easier than it might have been for others.

The casual bumps and repetitions of the infant stammerer are relatively typical growing processes, as the neurological system develops one of the body and mind’s most complex technology, speech. Whilst the plastic brain is processing the fun new information, the receptors are still open, but gradually – or sometimes suddenly - they close like tiny Venus fly traps around the speech production synapses, and the ‘disorder’ becomes set, like any other muscle memory. There is also evidence that the central speech production area of the brain in stammerers receives less blood flow than in that of speech-typical speakers. A verbally competitive family environment juxtaposed with an innate standoffishness exacerbated the ‘inner world’ nature of the stammer – but the condition is largely verbal, so the inner world processes were the same as any other creative youngster.

All stammers are different, and most go through different stages, some disappearing altogether, others returning as ‘relapse’, and so on. The best way to describe mine is invisible bandits sabotaging the tongue at the root at the start of certain words. Breaking the words down and producing connected sounds – ie ‘thi-nk at you-r ow-n spee-d’ – can yield effective results, but such contrived speaking is tiring and prohibitively unspontaneous. When the stammerer doesn’t think, the stammerer doesn’t stammer. Timing of jokes, and the current conversational style is very important socially, and it takes a big leap in confidence to master this effectively for anyone. For the stammerer, used to receiving over their due attention, the victory is in nonchalant, casual delivery. This happens best by living and (not) thinking in the moment.

There are all kinds of tricks in therapy that can be used in controlled speech production, block modification such as bouncing and sliding, voluntary stammering and syllable separation. Drawing the words out of the mouth is good too, and it has to be true that word replacement is evasive and erroneous. But is it? Most stammerers I know, being already way above average IQ, also have incredibly rich and deep vocabularies mixed with a sophisticated gallows humour, having lived with the invisible bandits for so long. ‘Power’ has a role to play too. As much as it pains me to say it, speaking to a crowd - for example didactic teaching or presentation giving - in a planned, acted context is far easier and more predictable than every day banter or information exchange. So, if word replacement makes you feel better and it’s not a constant crutch, go for it. You don’t need to constantly fight for the right to say the word. Neurological fluency lies in whatever works for you.

So, the stammerer is generally in conflict with his or her speech. Conflict resolution almost always involves compromise, stepping back, cooling off and forgiveness – and these can all be applied to the condition. Speech-typical people are almost always curious about it, in the way one is when something mysterious is happening to another – we want to explain it. But it’s a bit like explaining dark matter, string theory or the theory of relatively – hard to get your head around. It is an irregularity, and can be a restrictive bind – depending on how the stammerer responds to the condition. There are a(n apparently small) number of mature stammerers who either genuinely don’t care about it, or pretend not to.

The stammer becomes amplified in the thought, the bandits are alerted, and the sound is blocked or repeated. Pre-thought is a sign of sensitivity, reflection and maturity – though if it were discarded or lost in the stammerer, speech would become typical. So, stammering is a form of over-thinking, a very difficult thing to unlearn, as it can be argued that it’s innate. As in mindfulness and meditative practices, if the stammerer can let thoughts slide and live as nothing in the moment, the negative blocks, stresses and frustration associated with the condition fall away like dead skin. Here is a true real-time meaning of freedom of speech – speak and be damned.

Sean Bw Parker

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qeGqMAjTU-U&t=23s