Stage Fright

In his play ‘As You Like It’ William Shakespeare penned these famous words; “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.”  Such a profound statement, yet it isn’t given the widespread attention I believe it so dearly deserves as a valid analogy that carries such meaning for society today. Shakespeare was one wise dude and that’s why his words are still with us, and studied, to this day.

Lest you grow weary that I should be quoting the Bard, and wonder too soon where this will lead, it may help you to know that I was born and raised in a town whose claim to fame is having one of the world’s leading Shakespeare companies. Sadly it was many years before I could fully appreciate the magic of the written word to shape the opinion and thoughts of communities, societies, and even whole nations.

My upbringing was what can only be described as lower middle class frequently dipping into the upper reaches of the lower class. I mention this simply to inform your understanding and to put into context my personal experience. Like it or not each of us is the product of our respective environments even as we may try desperately to deny or escape them. Born of parents who worked at physically exhausting, repetitious manual labor, I grew up understanding what hard work is. I also knew from an early age that I wanted something more than what I observed around me.

I was raised in a household with parents who wouldn’t be considered well educated by today’s standards. My father didn’t graduate High School choosing instead to join the service during the Korean Conflict. Hard work and financial struggle, replete with its inevitable mental and physical stress and strain, were no strangers to our home. It visited often. My father was a dreamer and a doer. He was always seeking to make a way in the world that would bring fame and fortune to our doorstep. Some fleeting successes were followed by failures of greater duration. Most were brought on by a poor understanding of how to properly invest and gain financial traction while resisting the temptation to overspend. These episodes became increasingly difficult to recover from. My parents made due the best they knew how. Knowledge can be a powerful force to be reckoned with

I grew up sheltered from many things in life. Among these was a strong, loving base of family support and strong, meaningful friendships. Both were foreign to me.  I suspect some of you reading this may be able to relate to what I am telling you. What I ask is that you don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t want your pity I want your attention. I want you to understand how a life lived on the very edge of success and failure, constantly blown, like the gossamer seeds of a dandelion plant, between what is considered to be the economic right and wrong side of the tracks, can shape a person’s perception and actions.

My dad was excessively overbearing and had difficulty showing emotional or physical love to myself and my younger sister. Mom pretty much went along with what dad said and did. I understand. It made things easier for her. Discipline for us kids was meted out in a corporal manner. It was often given without a full understanding of what had happened and why. We would find ourselves being punished for things we didn’t do. My dad liked to yell and to use a thin leather strap to set us straight. He didn’t drink and didn’t have vices of the type usually associated with abusive family life. No, this was a more hidden and subtle form of abuse that denied a child their natural desire to be curious, explore, discover, share and belong and to be heard. It felt incredibly oppressive at times. I find myself wondering why this was. My father was certainly not raised in an atmosphere of denial. What turned the tide in his life to such an extent that his children suffered, not so much from the physical abuse, but the emotional and mental abuse of being denied the life of a normal child? But such was life for us.

Growing up in a town where cultural and creative things abounded, yet having a family that didn’t participate in such things is to me the ultimate abuse of a young mind. Not even considering the free concerts, local music and theatrical events, we weren’t allowed to participate in activities and organizations that our schoolmates or neighborhood acquaintances were involved with. I would have loved to have been a Cub Scout. Fat chance, the answer was always no. I wanted so badly to go to neighbor friends on a weekend to play or camp out in the back yard overnight. “NO.” “But why?” I would ask. “Because I said so”, was the answer my father always gave.

“Because I said so”. In my experiential opinion these are four of the most insidious and useless words in existence when directed at another person, their dreams, desires and curiosity. This empty phrase was one that I not only lived with the duration of my formative years, despising deeply, but the very same phrase I found myself using as I reached adulthood. The apple, unfortunately, hadn’t fallen far from the proverbial tree and I had learned the lesson well.

You may be wondering right now why I’m relating this personal sob story to you. You are right to wonder why but not to think of it as a sob story. The truth is much to the contrary. It illustrates why a strong will, determination to never give up and a passionate desire to overcome negative environmental influences in a person’s life are so important to the happiness of each and every one of us.

I could have turned out much different than I have because of my unconventional upbringing. I endured the mean things kids do like being called names and even ostracized by some of my classmates in grade school. I was called names because I wasn’t allowed to participate in things outside school. Yes, it certainly did hurt and didn’t seem fair at all, until I realized that I was the person who had to determine how my life was going to turn out. Not my dad, my mother, my schoolmates or those who called me names and perceived me as odd. You see I determined when I was about 13 years old that I wasn’t going to be a loser no matter what. I was going to discover what I was good at and pursue it doggedly until I became the best at whatever this was. So what the heck does this have to do with Shakespeare?

The whole world is one gigantic stage and we are controlled by those stage directors who we are forced or allow into our lives to control us. We aren’t alone on this stage, and must take into consideration the roles of others who occupy the stage with us, but ultimately we write our own lines and decide which of the acts we are going to participate in. When we walk on stage at birth every opportunity in the world is available to us. As we act and interact we discover that we must accommodate those other actors on the stage or risk being branded bad players or, even worse, ignored extras. So my question to you is do you perceive yourself as the best player you can be on the world stage, a bad player, or merely a bit player who has a walk on and then departs, soon to be forgotten?

I wrote earlier about the four most insidious and useless words in my opinion being, “because I said so”, and how this phrase was passed down from my father to me. When preparing for our role on this stage of life we sometimes take the wrong directions from either the wrong director or a bad actor. We may not realize this until someone in the audience comes to us and has the guts to ask us one simple question. This is the most fearful and confrontational question you will ever be asked by someone because it means you now have to explain yourself. And this is the stuff that causes anger, misunderstanding, fear and hate. We want to answer “because that’s who I am” or “because I said so”. Those are easy answers and mean we don’t have to think about the question, just continue on as we are. We don’t ask ourselves this question often enough, and I suspect it’s out of fear of what our honest answer will be. The one question that shoots fear straight into the heart of anyone on the stage of life is, “Why?” Why do you act, think, and feel, react or believe the way you do? Fortunately a near and dear fellow companion, friend and soul mate, who continues to occupy my little part of life’s stage, did ask me this question many years ago. That one question caused me to honestly confront and begin a dialogue with myself. Once I did, and realized how insane saying “because I said so” is, my whole life’s stage began to change.

I suspect that many people on life’s stage, my father included, never stop to contemplate this question of “why” with any serious intent or genuine desire to soul search for the truth. If they were to allow themselves to do so they might just understand what real fear is. To admit that you are wrong and need help and direction from others to correct the flaws in your character is a giant leap forward. It’s a step far too few people exercise their right to take. It’s the ultimate in stage fright for them and they just refuse to go there. That’s when you remain a bit player in life and never progress to a leading role.

In Hamlet, another of Shakespeare’s more famous plays, there’s a speech by the protagonist about life and coming to the end of its toils. In brief summary Shakespeare writes, “…What dreams may come, when we have shuffled off this mortal coil, must give us pause.” One can take its meaning as traditionally accepted in its entirety, but when taken out of context from the whole of the speech, I can imagine this small snippet’s meaning to be, ‘what will people think of your performance once you do part your ways with this world? Will your dreams become theirs?’

My encouragement to you is to not fear life, and the hand you’ve been dealt whatever it may be. Face and defeat any misgivings and stage fright you may feel. Take what you’ve been given in talent, interest and passion and create something of wonder.  Never give up, fiercely guard your integrity and be truthful, honest and giving in all you do, even as others refuse to believe in you or understand what you know to be true. Along the way, consistently ask yourself the all important question of “Why”. When you can consistently answer that question without any hint of hesitation or stage fright you are on the right path.  It’s never too late to leave your decisively positive and indelible mark for others who will walk this stage, when you are but a dream to follow and live up to.

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?2017 Michael D. Davis – All Rights Reserved