A Staff Software Engineer's Emotional Struggles with an Overbearing CTO

To begin, you have my word that this is not a dump session on a technology executive. And while I'm at it, he is not local here to Austin. He's on the West Coast. That said, I happen to have great respect for the software engineer who shared this story with me and what he's experiencing right now in his career. We can never forget that despite how brilliant, wealthy or educated someone might be, they are ultimately defined by how they treat others. How about we call this engineer, Andrey??

A very talented backend software engineer who has been at the Staff level since 2021 but like a lot of great developers, he was caught up in some layoffs in 2023 and it took him close to six months to find his next job. And during that time, yes, things got urgent and even potentially desperate with him. And therein lies a dynamic that hasn't been discussed too much these past couple of years in the Tech labor markets and that is our core requirements for taking our next job. In other words, our "must haves".?

I was keeping in regular contact with Andrey during his long stint of unemployment and over time, the two driving variables in his job search became the following,?

1. The financial need to have a paycheck coming back in again.?
2. The urgency of "getting back in the game" and doing challenging work on a daily basis.?

Finally, in March of this year, Andrey came to me super excited because a company was making him an offer. When we caught up on the opportunity, like I mention above, the two driving variables were the fact that he had a paycheck coming in again and he was super excited start digging into the code. In our conversation about the offer, the moment never arrived where I could ask him about the company culture and what executive leadership was like. The only details he shared with me about the company was that they were in the Fintech space and doing very well financially. So I just assumed everything was good on that front. But just last week, Andrey reached out to me with an update that was terribly alarming and I'll paste his word for you here,?

So Mark, things are not going well. The stress and anxiety our CTO is putting on me and the team is unlike anything I have ever experience before. I understand I have expectations to meet but I have never been this stressed out before. Even though we are all remote, his virtual presence is so intimidating and it culminated last week when he told me and my team directly that our deliverable "f*cking sucked and that we don't know a f*cking thing about delivering high quality software". In total, I think he dropped five F-Bombs on me and my team and we're all in a state of shock.?So I have to do something.

Aside from this explosion, his mere presence every day is stressing me out so badly that I've started drinking every night. My wife is telling me, that for the sake of our family, I need to cut back and do something. I had no idea he was like this when I was interviewing with this company but I have no choice now and I have to get the hell out of here. This is the worst experience I've ever had in my career.?

I told Andrey that I would begin keeping my eyes open for him but after this update he gave me, I just could not stop thinking about this CTO and how something so disappointing like this happened to Andrey.?

As we all well know, a lot of people can present themselves publicly in the brightest light but they are different individuals behind closed doors. This CTO has had a stellar career and he does represent the top 1% in the Tech industry. And when we get to such a high level in our careers, we can begin to bask in the "luxuries" we have in life. And in the case of this CTO, I get the feeling that he believes he has the luxury to explode on his engineering team like this and it won't hurt his reputation. Now, if he continues to do this on a regular basis over a period of several years, eventually it will catch up with him but right now, imposing fear and anxiety on his engineering organization comes without any consequences at all.

The absolute worst thing we can do emotionally to another person is impose stress and anxiety on them. And given how shaky the Tech labor markets still are, software engineers are already enduring a great amount of stress in their jobs. Similar to Andrey's two core requirements in his job search, those on active and urgent job searches are simply trying to get a paycheck coming in again and get back in the game. With these two variables taking front and center, how much focus is being applied to company culture and executive leadership? This CTO has done very well in his career so he certainly knows how to play the game and I am so concerned for Andrey because he truly feels like he is trapped and there is no way out other than to quit. But quitting is something he cannot do right now and we all know how terrible a feeling that can be in our careers.?

In an effort to brighten up the mood of this post, I shall divert to a story about the dynamic of another professional luxury we can earn in our careers. I once had a coffee meeting with an elite Machine Learning leader where I tried to present the luxury of "comical self-deprecation". I've written about this leader before and the brilliance he possesses is incredible and he also has this really nice humility about him as well. He does represent the top 1% whose motor never stops running and in my conversations with him, I've tried to find moments of relief and humor that he can indulge in. As we settled into our coffee meeting, I told him that should the moment ever present itself, he had the privilege to say something like this to his executive leadership team,?

I'm so happy for my team. They are truly special and for them to find such an obscure and complex data pattern like they did was incredible. I just think the world of them and I have to admit, I blushed with such happiness to learn about the money this discovery saved our company and the positive impact it had on our bottom line. I'm just floored and I just couldn't be happier for them.?

All this said, please give all the credit to them because I struggle to even find my umbrella at our house! (insert chuckle) When it's raining and I have to take our dog for a walk, every single time, I have to ask my wife for help and she gets it for me. Again, let's give all the credit to my team and I'll let you know when I can find my umbrella!? LOL...

I did my best to deliver this commentary in a light-hearted, humorous way and I repeated that this was a "luxury" he had in his career. And that privately, executive leadership would whisper amongst themselves that "***** is an utter genius". When I was finished talking, he furrowed his brow and dismissed my suggestion. And I apologized because in that immediate moment, my words very likely were perceived as silly and foolish. The environment this engineering leader works in is ultra intense and there is no room for any mistakes at all. And as a result, he takes his profession and work very seriously. However, there is a little known principle that when we take our work very seriously, we have the luxury of not having to take ourselves too seriously. And self-deprecation delivered in a comical manner in front of the right audience can shine a very nice light on us. Humility is an emotional quality that is always seen so clearly by other people. I definitely could have presented this in better fashion to this elite leader but heck maybe next time! LOL...

Getting back to this CTO, given that the past 15-20 years have had him standing tall on the pedestal of senior and executive leadership, imposing extreme anxiety and stress on the software engineers working for him is a luxury that he feels he can indulge in. And I'll repeat it now that in the near term, his actions will not have any consequences on his career. In the next month, he could fire Andrey, hire another developer similar in talent and start unloading on that individual on a daily basis. Like I briefly mentioned earlier in the post, if this CTO continues to act in such a manner over an extended period of time, the principles of Respect, Unity and Trust in his engineering organization will eventually dissolve. And once that happens, other executives at this company will begin to turn their eyes towards this CTO. But sadly, this would not happen for several years and by then, he will be living in Key West, Florida producing podcasts from his beachfront home on executive leadership and doing fractional consulting at 215/hr. He is already set for life.?

In closing, if you are on an active job search and you're getting close to the offer stage with a company,? can you explore the idea of requesting a 45-60 minute conversation with your future boss? And if the company schedules it, do your best to have a good hearted, introspective conversation regarding what will be expected of you on a daily basis. When Andrey was made an offer, he accepted it immediately, set his start date and the entire interview process included only a 30 minute engagement with this CTO. And again, he did this because of the urgency of his job search and his need to secure a paycheck. He had no idea what it would be like working for this person when he accepted this offer.?

What Andrey is experiencing right now in his career is, dare I say, tragic. He's horribly stressed out and consuming large amounts of alcohol on a daily basis and this comes just six months after having taken a job that he thought was going to be a moment of stabilization in his career. Make no mistake that the software engineering profession always brings with it a heavy workload and demanding deadlines for deliverables. Pressure can actually be a healthy experience but please do whatever you can to not let that turn into Stress and Anxiety.?

Especially when it's imposed upon you by another human being.?

Thanks,?

Mark Cunningham

Technical Recruiter

512-699-5719

[email protected]

https://thebiddingnetwork.com

https://markcunningham91.blogspot.com

https://www.dhirubhai.net/in/markhc