Stacking the Good: Inspiration for a Lighter 2025

The beginning of 2025 has been inspirational for me. It's as if the air is charged with the promise of growth and the pursuit of our best selves—a central tenet of positive psychology that resonates deeply with me. This sense of purpose was amplified over the last few weeks as I found myself immersed in three profoundly contrasting yet interconnected experiences: a colleague's dissertation on "systemic burden bearing," an individual on a personal recovery journey expressing gratitude for accountability, and a leader who seems to navigate life with an unshakable sense of ease.

The Weight We Carry

Systemic burden-bearing is not a widely established concept in organizational psychology; the concept of burden-bearing has been more deeply studied in the context of clinical psychology and religion. The clinical and spiritual concepts explore the invisible weight we often carry—personally, socially, and spiritually. Research in these fields often attributes burden-bearing to stress, burnout, compassion fatigue, spiritual exhaustion, suffering, or the martyr complex (where individuals define their self-worth from suffering undeservingly or disproportionately). My colleague, Maria Lawrence, eloquently outlined how these burdens manifest in systems like organizations, education, and politics as they do in the family and spiritual context. It's a weight many of us recognize: the relentless sense or assignment of responsibility, the implicit pressure to deliver, going above and beyond, always being available, or the belief that everything will crumble if we falter.

Hearing this, I reflected and drew parallels to the systems and the leaders I've worked with—many of whom have felt deeply constrained by these expectations. And yet, I recently had the privilege of chatting with a leader who operates differently. There's a natural lightness to his presence, an unburdened clarity that makes him magnetic. I couldn't help but ask: How does he do it?

Our Emotional Home

I asked him a series of questions, and his responses were all refreshingly simple. He knows himself and seems to have dialed in what drives him; he said, "Happiness." I thought this was interesting, and it drove my curiosity further. So, I asked him what that meant from a values perspective, and he said that his life is really happy; he loves his immediate family and listed his top three values as family, happiness, and having fun. Although he had not been asked these questions this way before, his responses came automatically and with ease.

This interaction reminded me of an interview between #TheoVan and #TonyRobbins that I had recently seen: "Tony Robbins Helps Theo Deal With Low Self Worth"

[Disclaimer: This interview contains language and political references that may not align with everyone's views or comfort levels. My focus is solely on highlighting the meaningful dialogue and practical strategies discussed.]

Theo was interviewing Tony but sharing how he has a tough time feeling proud of himself. Tony shared his belief that everyone has an "emotional home," an emotion we most relate to and feel comfort in (even if it doesn't make us feel good). He asked Theo to consider the average positive and negative emotions he feels at least once a week (not a month or year). Theo listed: "hopeful, thankful, loving, maybe some pride." It was interesting that he qualified "maybe some pride" because right after he said it, he said, "I'm learning about pride because it's really hard for me to feel proud of myself." Tony immediately told him to "stop saying that." Tony was spotlighting that every time he fed that narrative, he was reinforcing the doubt in himself. Tony then asked him to share the negatives; Theo listed: "ugly, incapable, angry, disappointing." Tony asked him which list, between the positive and negative emotions, he spent more time thinking about (i.e., which is more powerful), to which Theo unsurprisingly answered, the negative emotions. Tony asked him which emotion it would take to erase or de-thrown the negative emotions, to which Theo said, "Love" (Tony made a statement about it not being on Theo's first list, but it was.). They went on to discuss love. What stood out to me in this piece of the discussion was how Theo was learning to reframe and refocus his brain. The context and the kind of love being referenced was the kind of love that reinforces self-worth, such as doing good for others, sharing knowledge and information, or acknowledging the love you feel for your successes (Theo's success has grown significantly, yet he felt guilty about it). Theo ultimately realizes that self-pity is his addictive pattern, his emotional home. The segment ended with a lesson about reflection and "stacking the good." On a scale of 1-10, where is your energy when you're in self-pity versus where is your energy when you're excited and feeling joy? The bottom line is that we need to deeply reflect on why we feel what we feel (usually linked to our childhood story) – why do we feel we're not enough? And use the stacking of the good to consciously unburden ourselves from old habits and stories.

Back to the leader I'm working with, the one who operates with ease. He is "stacking the good." He doesn't stack negatives about people or situations; he reframes and finds lightness, laughter, and growth opportunities. He does it automatically; that's his pattern because it aligns with his highest values, happiness and fun. Deeply knowing and living by his values (in this case, his positive emotions) creates a kind of automaticity (e.g., the ability to perform tasks without conscious effort)—a natural alignment that keeps him from carrying unnecessary weight. Aligning actions with values to create flow and purpose is a core principle in positive psychology. When we are clear on our values, we are less likely to absorb burdens that don't belong to us or let negativity have power. Instead, we cultivate resilience and a capacity for positive reframing.

Lay Down the Burdens

Positive reframing – like in the example of the leader above - is not about denial or forced optimism. It's about choosing a lens that acknowledges the challenge while focusing on possibility and growth (e.g., stacking the good). For example, one of my interactions last week was with an individual on a personal recovery journey. My role was to provide some hard-to-hear feedback. I am often prepared for an initial defensiveness response, but in this case, instead of feeling criticized, they expressed gratitude for the accountability. They framed the feedback as an opportunity for them to work on themselves, grow, and adapt continuously. They could do this because their current top values are health and happiness.

A Call for Leadership Action

I write a lot about positive reframing. That's because it's powerful, and I use it regularly in my practice. The more honest reason, is that I have to constantly practice it myself. Positive reframing is a call to release what no longer serves us, whether that's limiting beliefs, unhealthy patterns, or misaligned expectations.

Circling back to my colleague's doctoral research, one of the activities she requested in her presentation was that we, as leaders and practitioners, must also consider the systems we create. Are we breeding unnecessary burdens? Are we equipping our teams to navigate challenges with resilience and clarity, or are we adding invisible weight?

Reflecting on the past few weeks, I'm inspired by the people around me. I realize that unburdened leadership isn't about perfection or an absence of challenges, but unburdening does start with us. It starts with our willingness to identify the invisible weights we carry, assess their alignment with our values, and choose to let go where we can. It's modeling this lightness for others—showing them that success doesn't have to mean exhaustion and that effectiveness is amplified, not diminished, by getting clear about our boundaries.

Becoming less burdened takes intentionality:

1. Reflection on what we give our power to - where’s our emotional home, and how that differs from what would genuinely make us happy?

2. Knowing and articulating our values.

3. Consciously and actively stacking the good.

4. Giving ourselves permission to let go of negative thoughts and narratives.

5. Focusing on what we can control versus what we can't (e.g., past events, other people's issues).

6. Reframe challenges not as weights to carry (or criticism) but as opportunities to grow and adapt.

7. Creating spaces—internally and systemically—where others can feel the same lightness.

Let's start 2025 with this in mind: What burdens are you carrying that no longer serve you? What values can guide you toward a sense of ease? And how can you reframe challenges into opportunities for growth?

#PositivePsychology #LayDowntheBurdens #Theovon #TonyRobbins #MariaLawrence #Leadership #Systemburdenbearing #Stackingthegood #CognitiveReframing

https://riseteams.com/on-my-mind/f/stacking-the-good-inspiration-for-a-lighter-2025

Email Belinda Peavey at [email protected]