SSRH: A Formula for Successful Interactions

A dynamic leader (who was also my boss for a short time) told me his secret- sauce, success formula – and it has always stuck with me. “If you want to have successful interactions with most people,” he said, “just remember SSRH: Smile, Smart, Respectful, and Humble.” I’ve put a lot of effort into modelling SSRH over the years and have discovered the power of his advice.

Smile

During my freshman year of college I learned the importance of a genuine smile. Two weeks into a beginning ballroom dance class I decided to try out for the university ballroom dance team. There were a lot of kids at tryouts. I was surprised to make it through the first two cuts and, entering the final round, I apologetically confessed to my dance partner, “I’m sorry if I step on your feet. I have just had three dance classes and only know the basic steps of the waltz and cha-cha.” She winked at me and playfully said, “Then SMILE!”

I wasn’t sure I could dance, but I knew I could smile. I got my smile from my mom, who is gifted at lighting up a room. Much to my surprise, I made the team and developed a life-long passion for ballroom dancing. I attribute this early success to a genuine smile. Smiles are inviting, promising, and hopeful. Smiles are optimistic and trusting. Smiles show good faith and interest in other people. Smiles open doors – period!

Smart

Smiles are a powerful calling card, but there are problems that smiles just can’t fix by themselves. Smart is evidence of effort. Smart requires planning - forethought. Smart comes from a variety of sources. Smart is most commonly derived from experience, books, observation, and listening – but occasionally smart comes from inspiration, and of these sources, inspiration is the greatest. If you are fortunate enough to work in a culture that values inspiration, cultivate your inspiration through a blend of study, creativity, intuition, and just enough crazy to get outside the box everyone else is in. Remember, before daring to get outside the box, you must clearly see the box everyone else is in – otherwise what you think sounds like a crazy smart idea will just sound crazy.

Invariably meetings that require smarts (especially when senior leadership is present) turn into contests of knowledge, speed to answer, and wit. Some people simply have to be the smartest person in the room as they trample on the R and H factors of the success formula. Smart is necessary for success, but beware of over-estimating its relative value in the success formula. No one is an expert at everything.

Respectful

In a world clamoring for social media attention, disrespect gets a lot of “likes.” Put-downs on “reality TV” have the appearance of coolness, giving the illusion of desirability, but disrespect actually very rarely results in the cool outcomes as scripted on TV.

My first boss at Ford Motor Company told me, “There are a lot of big egos around this company. Always be respectful. Tomorrow you may work for the person you disrespect today.” While that was good advice to stay out of trouble, respect does not only look upwards – it looks outwards. It is no great accomplishment to give respect to powerful people. The stature of a person’s character is measured by how they treat the seemingly insignificant people in their lives – hotel maids, elderly drivers, and entry level admins. Respect denotes humility and rewards its givers with fond associations.

Humble

A Wall Street Journal article in Oct 2018 headlined, “The Best Bosses Are Humble Bosses.” The article reported that humble leaders “inspire close teamwork, rapid learning and high performance in their teams.” If humility is such a desirable attribute for leaders, why are so many leaders arrogant?

Humility is the most difficult of these attributes to learn or to fake. Ironically, it takes humility to be introspective enough to know how to improve your humility. The business world does not reward the virtues of humility because it esteems the power to TELL others what to do, rather than the skill of ASKING others to help accomplish an objective.?

In his book titled, “Humble Inquiry,” Edgar Schein explains different types of humility - the most important in business context being what he calls “here-and-now humility.” It is “how I feel when I am dependent on you,” Schein explains. “My status is inferior to yours at this moment because you know something or can do something that I need in order to accomplish some task or goal. . . I have to be humble because I am temporarily dependent on you. . . Unfortunately, people often would rather fail than to admit their dependence on someone else.”

Humility and ambition need not be mutually exclusive qualities. Years ago IBM HR professionals coined a term for leaders who aspired to a humble, yet ambitious mindset.?They called it, “Humbition: the subtle blend of humility and ambition that drives the most successful leaders—an antidote to the know-it-all hubris that affects so many business stars.”

Ambitious leaders work to magnify themselves. Humbitious leaders focus on the positive effects of noble work. Ambitious leaders feel entitled to their successes, while humble leaders are grateful when success smiles on their effort. If you have any doubt whether humility belongs in the line-up of attributes for successful interactions with people, consider the number of “humbitious” leaders who have made world-changing scientific, literary, business, political and humanitarian contributions.

Humility can look (and feel) like vulnerability or softness, and so many business problems are, well . . . hard.?Business leaders are promoted to provide reassurance. After all, Wall Street doesn’t like to see the word “vulnerable” pop up in annual reports or company news. The key to building humility is found in how we arrive at our answers, how we solve our problems, and how we get the job done. Autocratic methods (which involve telling someone) are efficient, yet are less effective - and ultimately more risky - than the more inclusive, humble inquiry. Humble leaders admit their dependence on others and get the best ideas from the right people, whoever those people may be.

To evaluate your capability at humble inquiry, you might look back at a few emails and observe your communication style. Are you the type to tell someone to, “Schedule a meeting at 3pm with the Project Manager,” or the type of person who asks, “Will you please schedule a meeting at 3pm with the Project Manager?” The difference is subtle, only three words, yet substantially different in humility.

Conclusion

It is not hyperbole to say that SSRH has the power to transform log-jammed, human interactions into collaborative human networking. Employing principles from SSRH, I have experienced improved problem solving that draws people in, resulting in better solutions. The hardest problems are the soft problems, founded in poor human interaction. As a management consultant providing solutions to pressing business problems, I am grateful to mentors during my career who have naturally demonstrated the power of SSRH principles.