Squiggly Everything

As its Mental Health Awareness Week and Month I wanted to share a small insight into my story and recovery, after the collapse of my personal and business universe in 2018.

I launched an exhibition portfolio business in 2015, with the first event taking place in 2016. I was then pregnant with my second baby but was suffering (unbeknown to me at the time) with peri-natal and later post-natal depression. This was the beginning of the end for Mums Enterprise looking back. You can't run a business with depression. I knew this Manchester event in 2018, which attracted 3000 people would be our last.

I would be letting exhibitors down who had signed up to be with us at the next scheduled event, due to be at Olympia, London in early 2019. I had to let huge brands down like Apple and Lloyds Bank who were sponsors never mind the smaller businesses who put so much faith in me. I then had to borrow money to go bust! The pressure was immense.

This all led to my rock-bottom. I didn't bond with my baby, I had lost my business, I let so many people down and in one fell swoop I felt my life was over. I experienced what you'd call a nervous or mental breakdown. It was dark and it was scary. I went off grid for over a year and moved in with my parents who helped look after me and my children. I had to change my phone and number, I couldn't open a laptop or even log into linked-in again for over 2 years.

BUT the glimmer of hope begun to shine again, yes even during lock-down I was coming back to myself and made some other personal decisions for my own wellbeing and future. In 2021 I started to gain a little confidence, I decided it was time to try to get back to work, so I took a part-time, term time only admin job at a local school. It was way below my skillset and experience but it was just what I needed at the time. That was the catalyst to mission get my career back. I started to freelance my marketing expertise, another boost and amazingly in 2022 an old colleague messaged me via Linked-in recommending me for a role at BT Wholesale. An opportunity in the industry I was in before I started a family, before everything. The Technology Channel. It was 4 years after my rock-bottom, I was stronger, I was excited and I was ready.

Another huge milestone and another decision in my new found 'Choose Life' attitude was on 24th June 2022 I decided to go sober. In the quest to further improve my mental health and aim for stability. I am pleased to report it helped massively. I am now thriving in my career, I feel like I am back home, returning to a full-time career was such an important step for me, it made me feel whole again. And sobriety has given me the opportunity to relearn how to live my life, but by feeling all the emotions rather than numbing them away - they always catch up with you in the end.

Key things I have learnt:

• Nothing really matters as much as we ourselves believe it does, we are the centre of our own universe, we are not the centre of everybody else's. We put so much unnecessary pressure on ourselves, the world will keep spinning, even without your idea or creation in it and you will rise again. Realising this has made me even braver, hence even posting this article.
• Say it out loud, I had never experienced any form of depression before 2017 and I hope I never will again. But what really helped was saying it out loud. I wish I told somebody sooner - it took until Rosie was 10 months old to ask for help, far too long. Tell somebody, friends, family, colleagues or even a stranger. Then the relief will come, it may get more intense but from there and with this support you can then build yourself back up. Connection is needed.
• Alcohol is a depressant and a highly addictive substance, is it any surprise we have all been affected by it in some way, whether it's directly or with friends or family. I am so much kinder to myself now I am sober, I can truly rebuild and step into the best version of me now that alcohol isn't holding me back.
• Things were never meant to stay the same, embrace change, its scary but necessary. (I am still learning how to handle this one)

I am sharing this because somebody you know, or it could be you may be struggling right now. With depression, perhaps a failure or even a secret addiction. I believe sharing stories like this, which we all have, make other people feel less alone and by sharing my experience, and recovering out loud - it may just help.

Feel free to message me directly on any of these topics - I've many books, links and details I can share on what has helped and is helping me on my journey into the new me and my revived life and career.

#sobriety #mentalhealthawareness #career #workingmum #returner #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #failure #recovery #work