#SquareSquad

I've been a huge fab of Brené Brown's work since I was introduced to the Gift of Imperfections back in early 2014. Her down to earth, common sense, authentic and vulnerable approach resonates with me greatly, and I find myself quoting some of her work and recommending her talks and books to a great number of my clients to help move them forward.

A couple of months ago I recommended the Gift of Imperfections to a coaching client who had talked at length about her need for perfection and control (something I am still recovering from myself). She read the book, but what she said next made us both smile. Her husband had been curious about what she was reading and she recommended he read it next - it's transformed their relationship, his view on work and the way in which he now supports her.

Dare to Lead, Brene's latest book, is one I have already recommended to almost everyone I have spoken to over the last few months (the accompanying workbook is in itself a brilliant way to implement the learning), and it's got me thinking about how I already lead and some new ways in which I can improve my leadership style - we never stop learning.

One of the most striking activities in the book is the introduction of the Square Squad. I had read about it in some of her earlier work, but this time I did the activity. The square squad exercise involves a square 2cm x 2cm in size. And in this square you write the names of the people whose opinions really matter to you.

In itself just thinking about these people is quite enlightening, but when we think about who we try to please on an ongoing basis, it brings even more to light. How often do you find yourself ignoring the views and support of those whose opinions really matter (including your own opinions) to try and please strangers?

How often are you creating and implementing ideas and solutions to gain the approval of everyone, when deep down you know what the right thing to do is?

The idea of the square squad isn't to say that your work shouldn't be of benefit to the majority, I'd have no business if I didn't design and implement solutions to meet my customer needs, but the square squad are those people who you know will be honest with you in giving you feedback.

The idea of the Square Squad came from Brené realising that many people were starting to criticise her the more visibly she and her work became. She noticed that she was being criticised for the way she looked, the way she dressed, the way she parented and even her marriage, what did any of the people on social media know about her personal life and who were they to criticise her appearance.

And it was this quote from Theodore Roosevelt that she found when she wanted to hide from all of the feedback she was receiving that has inspired much of her work since - including the square squad:

So your square squad are those in the arena with you, sitting there supporting you, being honest with you and picking you up when needed. They will be the people who will tell you that something went wrong and help find ways to make it better next time. They are the people who will tell you that your bum will always look big in an outfit (because you have a big bum so just face up to it), and help increase your confidence to rock your big ass down the street. They will be the people who will be there to celebrate your successes with you and they will be there when you need a shoulder to cry on. They will be the ones who will come armed with whatever you need when you just want to wallow, but they won't leave you wallowing for long before they talk you up and back on your feet.

My square squad consists of five people - just five. And I didn't have to think about their names, they were instantly there. I've considered since whether they are the right people in case I need to make any tweaks, but no, these are the five people in my square squad, and I'm pleased with my choices. This doesn't mean that I don't do my best to deliver everything I deliver to the highest of standards for my family, team and customers, but when I want or need feedback, my square squad are the opinions that matter.

A week or so ago, over a couple of days, a friend I had recommended Dare to Lead to, was sending me messages about the book - they chose the audible version to listen to on a plane. I then received a message informing me that I was in their square squad and they hoped I didn't mind.

Mind? I was over the moon. What made it even nicer, is that they are also part of my squad. We know that we can both be honest and open with one another, that we can say the nice things, but that we aren't afraid to tell each other when we do something differently, or if we mess up and we aren't on the right path. Knowing that you have these relationships is amazing, and I feel extremely grateful to have these people in my life.

So who is in your square squad? And what one commitment can you make to strengthen the squad and spend less time chasing and seeking the approval of strangers?

Kelly

Not one for thinking outside the box – mainly because she believes there isn’t one, Kelly founded Chrysalis in 2014 after being appointed as the UK’s Youngest HR Director (something she was told she couldn’t achieve with two young sons), after feeling that consultancy needed to more people and less process-driven because – well that’s what gives consultants a bad reputation.

Through her consulting, coaching, talks, presentations, workshops and books, she rips up the rule book and helps people create what’s best for them, their teams and their organisations – not what’s best for their competitors.