Spread glee, not gossip: Better mentality for better mental health

It's that time of the year again! Not Christmas, but just as important- Mental Health month. This post is not about giving advice on standard mental health resources on better eating, better exercising or seeking professional help when mental ill-health occurs.

This post is not about 'what to do for better mental health' at all, it's about how not to be the reason for someone else's poor mental health.

There are so many times in our childhood or adulthood we've loosely said 'give me some gossip!'. And mostly it felt innocuous, not equivalent to 'give me some poison to put in someone's tea'. But what if I tell you it may as well have been?

Now, studies show the actual reason why humans tend to indulge in gossip is primarily because it gives them a sense of power, it's emotionally rewarding and because it results in the release of dopamine or 'feel good' hormones. But isn't it ironic that our 'feel good' hormones can result in someone else feeling awfully bad?

How bad is too bad? What if we do it in moderation? What if it's just harmless? Gossip, by definition, is negative (mis)information that spreads like wildfire. Even if you're doing it behind closed doors, there's a high chance it will spread. A study suggests (in an absolutely separate context) that gossip actually spreads twice as fast as other channels of communication, so its rate of spread cannot be debated.

Now coming to its effectiveness- we maybe indulging in it for 'entertainment' purposes, but in the process, are we okay to disturb someone's mental health for good for a few minutes of dopamine release? In that case, we should seriously pause and self-assess. For entertainment, we should resort to books, music, dance, theatre and Netflix.

At this point, some of you may stop reading with the reasoning "the solution is to be mature enough to ignore gossip and not let it impact you"; but hang on a moment. Every person understands how destructive gossip is for mental health, when they are the subject and not the predicate of gossip.

This post is not meant to be a saintly sermon, I'm going to quote scientific research and statistics on why gossip can contribute to someone's poor mental health-

·?????? Studies suggest workplace gossip results in worsening psychological well-being

·?????? Interestingly, those indulging in negative workplace gossip themselves may suffer from higher work strain and depression in the long run, along with the inability to read social cues

·?????? Many experts are of the opinion that gossip is equivalent to bullying or an act of violence

·?????? A large number of studies indicate gossip results in lost productivity, reputation damage and even attrition in workplaces

·?????? Those on the receiving end could suffer from anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), or even suicidal tendencies

·?????? An empirical study in China revealed 1 in 6 junior high school students had suicidal tendencies due to an environment of gossip- the percentage was higher for girls than boys

Bottom line, gossip can only hurt the mental health of those indulging, those at the receiving end, of individuals and institutions alike.

Are we really so desperate to empower ourselves by disempowering others and pulling them down? Are we okay to be the cause of someone suffering from clinical depression or having suicidal thoughts, for better 'social bonding' through gossip over drinks? And let's not placate ourselves by claiming others need to have better mental resilience to deal with it. Human beings are wired differently, and people don’t come with placards around their necks declaring they are fragile and need to be handled with care (which, it is okay to be).

For those at the receiving end, I really have no advice to give. Yes, it's a cruel world, but maybe the following could help?

·?????? More is not more, have a few select group of friends who will be there for you when you're going through a tough time- confide in them rather than keeping it to yourself

·?????? Don't victimize yourself- you'll let the bullies win; instead aim to be better at whatever it is that you excel in

·?????? Cut off from recreational social media for a while if it's too toxic- there's not much to lose out on really

This mental health month let's promise ourselves to be better, do better. The joy derived out of making a single person smile is far, far more than the dopamine kick from gossiping and spreading negativity about our colleagues, acquaintances or neighbors.

If you've gotten this far- don't sleep on it, dear reader, and happy thoughts to you!

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