A Spouse's Demise: Reckoning with Consequences -- A guided autobiographical snippet

Confronting the passing of a spouse of 56 years leads to entering into a grieving process, having to enter into a series of thoughts and actions regarding the remaining spouse's planning for matters associated with end of life.

Along the way, in this instance, matters occurred that were unexpected and presented significant challenges regarding how to deal with such matters as they arose. The goal was to achieve a balance consistent with actions and thoughts that allow one to create a viable life as a single individual widower.

To cope with the heightened grieving process following spousal demise, this writer had entered a course of five weekly guided autobiography Zoom sessions, aimed at focusing on a particular theme but with limitation on the extent of responses to the offered theme. A two-page written response was encouraged and led to a manner of focusing that allowed diversion from overwhelming feelings that arose from the loss of a loved one of so many years.? Several such writings have been shared as articles on LinkedIn.

The first move was to find a way to preserve a most appreciated and valued glass bowl. A goodly supply of bubble wrap protecting the bowl so it could be shipped safely found its way to a cousin's table across country:

An unexpected phenomenon served as an impetus to enter into a reckoning with how one wishes to conduct the remaining spouse's life. First and foremost was a condolence card which read:

You are BRAVE,

You are STRONG,

You are LOVED.

YOU are in my

THOUGHTS...

and in my

HEART.

In this instance, the presence of mold resulted from a significant leak of water that contaminated kitchen walls and floorboards in and around the area. The mold issue has led to an immediate conclusion that it was necessary to trim down the parameters of living that would match the new found single status. At this point, considerations not related to compromise between two individuals loving one another and living together, but rather relate solely to how the remainder of living with the newfound status of being a single widower is going to be conducted.

For this reason, the mold issue provided a stimulus that had not been planned to modify the physical existence within the living situation that would be consistent with the new learning taking place of being single again and adjusting to the new status of widower.

During the 7 months following the spousal loss, a need arose to take action to find resources and?contacts that would enable sound decision making. In addition, because the mold problem required living in an alternative situation physically, it suddenly became necessary to remove as many of the couple's belongings, many of which have been such a long-term part of the life led together.

There arose a need to find a way as quickly as possible to eliminate from the physical surroundings items that no longer are part of a marital living situation. Attempts were made to locate a company which could handle this most difficult transition. Among those explored was a company called, "Caring Transitions of South Bay/PV." The About Us section of their website offered the following description:

"Caring Transitions South Bay/PV is the Professional Solution for relocation services including downsizing, decluttering, & estate sales for both full and partial liquidations.

"Regardless of the situation, planned or unexpected, the loss of a loved one or the need to relocate someone can be challenging. The physical challenges and emotional strains can be overwhelming enough, without the added stress of life’s unexpected events. Caring Transitions South Bay/PV offers a streamlined support system to help facilitate a less stressful transition, taking care of the details so you can take care of yourself or a loved one.

"About the Owners: Tim and Heather Baker

"It’s hard to think about life’s transitions. Whether you’re downsizing, moving into a senior living community or clearing out a loved one’s house, the physical and emotional process can be overwhelming. But it doesn’t have to be and you don’t have to do it alone.

"We’re Tim and Heather Baker, the local owners and operators of Caring Transitions South Bay/PV. We launched this business because we understand what it takes to help older loved ones move and resettle. When we moved three parents, we lamented that there wasn’t a full-service company we could bring in to help. When we had the opportunity to open our own business here in the community we call home, we knew Caring Transitions would be the perfect fit.

"Caring Transitions’ services are perfect for managing the many aspects of a senior move or assisting with the process of downsizing to provide a safer living situation, as well as for busy families and people clearing out the home of a loved one who has moved into assisted care or passed away. As our plans are customizable, you can choose the solution that best fits your needs – whether that means managing the entire move and estate-clearing, just getting someone resettled into their new place, or anything in between. Caring Transitions South Bay/PV serves Torrance, Redondo Beach, Hermosa Beach, Rancho Palos Verdes, Palos Verdes Estates, Rolling Hills, Rolling Hills Estates, San Pedro and the surrounding areas.

"...We care about the people in our community and we want to work with each individual client to create a plan that works and then walk them compassionately through the process. We are problem solvers and we understand that every situation is unique. That’s why we don’t offer cookie cutter services.

"We have lived in Torrance since 1990 and both of our girls (Jasmine and Ginger) went to Torrance High School. Tim previously worked as a product developer/inventor and Heather as?an associate pastor and?professional organizer. Contact us today and let’s talk about how we can work together to help make the transition you are facing as stress-free as possible.

"Create a Customized Transition Plan That Fits Your Needs!

Inventory, Sort, De-clutter, Downsize

Estate Move Management – Coordinate Movers, Pack/Unpack

Sell Items – Estate Sales, On-line Auction Services

Disperse, Donate, Recycle, Discard Items

Liquidate Business Assets

Floor Planning for New Residence

Repair, Paint, Clean, Stage Home for Resale

Assist Executors, Attorneys, Trustees, Realtors

Decluttering and Organizing

Fund Raisers

Other Special Projects

"Call Us Today to Schedule your FREE In-Home Consultation ."

As it turned out, one call to this company has led to a comprehensive way of dealing with a most difficult situation!?Yes there was a need to remove as much as possible of the physical components of a couple's life together in order to make it possible for the major construction to take place.?This need prompted a way to handle the reluctance to part with so much of the physical surroundings that typified such a long-term life together.?The transition had begun very slowly and now unanticipated circumstances have created an impetus to move full speed ahead and accomplish a now necessary and mandatory complete transition.

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Burton Danet, Ph.D. offers a series of guided autobiographical snippets and is a Global Goodwill Ambassador (GGA), a Retired Clinical Psychologist, Psychoanalyst and Founder, ABC4All Legacy . He resides in the South Bay Area of Los Angeles, California and is the survivor of 3 non-hemorrhagic strokes and for the past 7 years has been doing everything possible to avoid a fourth stroke.