The Spot Light Bias
My friend was engaged to the woman he loved for years. He was so happy. He always praised her character and behavior.
Eventually he broke his engagement. On explaining why he did, he criticized bitterly her character and behaviors.
We humans tend to highlight the bright spots of others when we are friendly with them. We then see only their dark spots when we separate for disagreements.
Why does a person overnight become bad when he was good before?
I believe that in part this because of our irrationality. We do not accept people with their agreeable traits and the disagreeable ones. We forget that humans are not perfect beings.
If we only remember that, we too have our unpopular traits.
Thinking deeper about it this perception lacks empathy and expects from other only what we wish them to be.
When we highlight the bright spots of others, we fail to see their shortcomings. This tilted view brings false assumptions that these people are perfect.
We need to accept others as they are. We should be more understanding and tolerant for their shortcomings.
The risk is that when we no more connect with old friends we tend to magnify their weak traits. We make the world gloomy for them and us.
Author: Writer of stories about consulting, leading, and living wisely and songs about joy and woe
1 年I first reacted to this post a while ago Brother Ali I just reread it and it seems even truer . The positive halo effect must derive from the warmth of feeling; the negative from the hurt. Neither are rational -a cognitive error, born as you say from a lack of acceptance of the flaws of ourself and others. Isn't acceptance required for forgiveness? I may need to work more in this area. Thanks for your insightful post. ?? I first typed this as "inciteful," which it may be as well for shared insight may incite action. ?? Isn't language fun?
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1 年Insightful Ali Anani, PhD !! How did I miss this? I have found that when I see something I don’t like about a person, first, I know I’m see a reflection of what I don’t like about myself! When I see what I admire about another, first, I know it’s what I admire about myself! Both grow within like a muscle; in direct proportion to their use. We are but a reflection of one another. “I am the mirror of your greatness.” ??????
Question to question more. Ai Integration Advocate | Transcultural Coach Posting Daily Provocations
1 年Love the world unconditionally this also shifts your bias as you seek the good in every person.
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1 年Biased blind Spots are traits in human behavior that many unconsciously exhibits without detects normally when you love something or someone you can't see their fault at that point in time the love is complete blinded it see no faults . this attitude applied also to our parents unless otherwise nothing we will do that will make them see faults same with our father in heaven he loves us so much that anytime the devil bring a case against us he always have excuses on our behalf . that's why Gods judgment is on our intention not our action to removed the bias blind spots . many exhibits systematic biases in judgment lack of conscious access to all processes means they are not aware of their biases but are readily spot the same biases in others judgment . do we have to fall in relationship to see someone's faults no our maturity in judgment should be in and out of season above love and hates we should live above our feeling and be realistic in truth come what may . your friend sight is only circles around tangibles and feelings is normal I can't be sure if his feelings are pure love or attraction . each an everyone has the traits of bias blind spot in our human relations in most cases are overlooked deal with your judgment justly.