The spoon theory and my lived experiences

Introduction

In the autism community, something that is talked about a lot is the “spoon theory.” In a nutshell, the spoon theory refers to energy levels and how energy levels can get depleted. In particular, my energy levels can get depleted very quickly, so the spoon theory is something that is relevant to me. In this blog post, I will explain more about the spoon theory and how it applies to my own lived experiences.

Explaining the spoon theory

The main thing to understand about the spoon theory is that it relates to energy. People with autism have to navigate everyday life in a world that isn’t built for them, and that takes up energy. This means that they need to be more careful about how to manage their energy levels, and this is represented by a limited number of spoons. Using up spoons is equivalent to using up energy, and replenishing spoons is equivalent to gaining energy. Once someone has run out of spoons, they have no energy left, which can lead to fatigue, meltdowns, and burnout. The spoon theory is relevant to autism as it gives some explanation of why navigating everyday life can be difficult for autistic individuals, and why there is a greater emphasis on managing energy levels.

What takes away my spoons

For a good number of autistic individuals, small things like getting out of bed, getting dressed, and making food can use up spoons. My experiences are different in that it is generally the bigger things that use up spoons rather than smaller things. One example of an everyday thing that uses up spoons is change. Sometimes, change is unexpected (e.g., a last-minute plan that has come up), and by the time I have processed the change and then mentally prepared myself to navigate the change, I have already used up spoons and energy. Another example is the commute to work. I do enjoy going to the office and prefer it over working from home. However, the time taken to commute, as well as navigating rush hour trains, does take up energy, which means I have fewer spoons when I get to work compared to what I had at the start of the day.

What replenishes my spoons

It’s important to do things that replenish your spoons to reduce the risk of burnout. For me, when I think about what replenishes my spoons, it all goes back to doing things I enjoy. This can be simple things like walking or reading. But it can also be more complex things, and an example to illustrate the point is public speaking. There are aspects of public speaking that take away spoons, such as preparing and commuting to the place of the public speaking opportunity (if face-to-face). However, the enjoyment and satisfaction of public speaking are good for my well-being, and this gives me more spoons than I lose. This brings up an important point: there can be some aspects of certain things that take away spoons and energy. However, there is an overall benefit if you are gaining more spoons than you lose.

How I approach things — costs vs benefits

I was told by someone that a helpful way to go about things is to consider the marginal costs and marginal benefits of doing something, and if the marginal costs are outweighing the marginal benefits, then that’s not a good thing. This has stuck with me and has been a good approach to things. A good example to illustrate this point is managing my social schedule. Socialising is something that can both take away energy and give me energy. If I have barely any social plans, then, while there is not much cost in terms of energy and time, there is a cost of being bored, and I am also not having the benefits of human interaction. In other words, the marginal costs of having fewer plans are outweighing the marginal benefits. Linking this to the spoon theory, I am losing more spoons than I am gaining.

On the other hand, if I have too many social plans, then the marginal costs of extra time and energy being used up are outweighing the marginal benefits of extra social interaction. Therefore, there is a trade-off involved when thinking about the costs and benefits, and what that trade-off looks like can change depending on how different aspects of life are going. Linking it back to the spoon theory, gaining more spoons than I lose can be thought of interchangeably with the benefits outweighing the costs.

Conclusion

The spoon theory is very relevant to autistic individuals when it comes to how energy can fluctuate and emphasizes how important it is to do things that replenish spoons. This theory can be applied to everyone when thinking about the things that both take away and give energy.