Spooky Coffee Tales From the Vault: "Them Green Eyes"

Them Green Eyes

Originally published: October 11, 2021

It was a hot October afternoon (stifling, even) as Doug paused to wipe the sweat from his forehead. This was their first Spooky Season as homeowners - and Sarah simply wouldn't allow the front yard to sit vacant while the neighbors went bananas with their decorations. They had to be "fun" neighbors - they had to quite literally keep up with the Jones's next door.

A few clicks around the World Wide Web later, and their Amazon cart was chock-full of a dozen blow-up lawn ornaments. No less than 3 seconds after their order was confirmed, a knock came on the door and their order was (mysteriously, terrifyingly) delivered in no time. Doug and Sarah were just preoccupied enough with other matters to think it too strange... but had they checked the front door camera, they might have felt differently.

Now was their moment of truth. An extension cord zig-zagged from the garage and into the front lawn, where Sarah took the honor of plugging in the blow-up ghouls. "Get a video for your mom! She'll get a kick out of this," she hollered to Doug over the collective buzz of the tiny inflatable motors.

Deep down, Doug knew that he was agreeing to this entire ghastly affair in order to please his parents (who also went crazy with holiday décor). He fumbled for his iPhone and hit record as a ghost, Jack-o-Lantern, and some other freakish goblin inflated to uncomfortable heights.

Just then, a nearly-forgotten memory drifted back to Doug - as a ship might slowly appear through a mist. He was twelve years old again, riding his bike on a crisp October day. Somebody grabbed his shoulder as he paused to lock the bike, and he spun around to find an ancient looking woman (in his mind, she might as well have been mummified) with an empty coffee mug in her other hand. Her eyes were like fiery green diamonds. "SPARE A CUP?!" she cackled as Doug instantly fled the scene. He never returned for the bike, and could never figure out what she meant.

Back in the now, he looked from his phone to find those same green eyes on the blow-up goblin thing. He stopped the video and stammered back inside, brushing off his weird mood as "work stress" as Sarah went about the rest of her day. Try as he did, Doug was unable to shake the horrible memory.

Doug awoke the next morning before dawn and made a pot of coffee (a delightful new seasonal feature from Latigo). He poured some of the sweet nectar into his favorite mug, and just then he could feel the hairs stand up on the back of his neck. He was being watched (he was sure of it), but before he could think another thought, something grabbed his shoulder. "Spare a cup?" the blow-up goblin thing asked him casually, as if this was just another Totally Normal Day.

"GGGGHHAAAAAA!!!" came Doug's reply, which the monstrosity interpreted as a "no." Sarah emerged on the scene... only, she wasn't exactly Sarah anymore, and her eyes had turned fiery green like burning diamonds. The unholy tandem proceeded to drink all of Doug's morning coffee, leaving him without a single drop. That's when he went well-and-truly mad, and was never heard from again.