Spit it Out, Let it Out, or Let it Go

I had a wonderful grandmother called Isaura, my mum's mum. In Greek this name means gentle breeze. When she was in flow I would hardly have called her a gentle breeze, but actually, in many ways she could be and was.

My granny Isaura was very comical, especially when she was being serious. She was also very direct and straight forward, you knew where you were with her. In many ways I take after her, certainly in this respect I do.

What she taught me and what I have developed as a problem solving tool/resource for myself is, to always speak my truth.

From being quite a timid and shy youngster in some ways and always thinking I was this and that. You know, not good enough, boring, less than, and all those things, I have always had a strong passion for right and wrong and particularly for justice and fairness and I still do.

This passion has risen up in me many times over the years and this is what I am talking about. I found that I have a strong, passionate and assertive voice. It doesn't always make me popular, in fact often the opposite, but it gets things done.

I believe this is most definitely a strong purpose of mine as no matter what happens, I can't get away from it. I relate it to my Latin side.

What I've found is this, if I feel strongly about something and I've counted to ten to ease my emotions around it. I get to 8/9 and I'm still firing up, then you're going to get it, or it WILL come out. It doesn't mean it'll be in anger or be rude, but it WILL be said.

When I was younger it used to build up inside of me, that wasn't good as it's like a pressure cooker waiting to blow its lid off, literally. That was me. These days I'm calmer about it and more reflective. I will think first and review a bit and then, off I go.

It's not good to let things fester and sit back letting others take advantage of you, nor is it good to squash down and dampen your opinions, your beliefs and what's important to you. That's not good for anyone involved.

So, if you're someone who builds things up, squashes things down or ignores what's true and important to you, start with baby steps to change this.

1. Look in front of the mirror and start practising saying 'NO'

2. Learn about Assertiveness and try on a few techniques that might work for you

3. Write it out, journal and express yourself to yourself first of all. This can help you determine what's important to you and how you feel, before sharing it with someone else

4. Remember, feel the fear and do it anyway. You will feel fear at times and anxiety and all those emotions, it comes with the territory. Like all things though, the more you do it, the less that affects you.

5. Ask yourself, 'what's the worst that can appen in this situation'? 'Maybe they won't like me, they'll say no, they'll think this or that. I won't get what I want'? Etc.

6. Once you identify this and accept it, ask yourself another question, 'Is how I feel and what I'm passionate about more important to me'? If the answer is yes, then go ahead and say and do what you've got to do.

You have nothing to lose except some steam, (which is a good thing) and perhaps the perception others have of you and that can always change. Chances are in some cases the people involved might not even be people you know that well and you're not in contact with, other than under these circumstances, so does it really matter that much?

There's a beautiful story about two monks and a woman, a Zen story that I encourage you to look up. It expresses some of this beautifully, how we can carry things until they weigh us down and become very heavy.

It's the same with this, if you're still carrying it and it's important to you, spit it out, let it out or let it go.

In the Chinese arts it's said that anger and frustration etc can be harmful to the liver, so if it's still inside it will fester, grow and can make you ill.

The link to the two monks and a woman Zen story is below. The picture for this article was taken from this site.

https://medium.com/@soninilucas/two-monks-and-a-woman-zen-story-c15294c394c1