Spiritually Struggling Through Dark Times

In my previous article I shared a staggering statistic that 6.7% of the US population suffers from Major Depressive Disorder, also known as severe depression. 15% of people who suffer from depression commit suicide every year. These numbers are staggering and alarming. Even more troubling is the fact that unmarried men account for 62% of all male suicides. Did you also know that divorced men are twice as likely to suffer depression after a divorce than divorced women? On top of that fun statistic, divorced men are eight times more likely to commit suicide than their female counterparts.

Divorce leads to stress, anxiety, and depression with great magnitude. As divorced entrepreneur dads we throw the weight of self-employment into the mix, tipping the scales in a very dangerous direction if we are facing emotional struggles. I went through bouts and they led to a lot of challenges in relationships, business, weight gain, and even my health. If you are a divorced entrepreneur and you haven’t had struggles with depression then you’re either too early into the process, you’re in denial, or you’re one of the lucky ones. I argue that you can’t fit in the third category if you were vested in your marriage, but I’m sure there are exceptions.

I grew up labeling myself a Christian. I believed, attended church on occasion, and lived with a wish that I was a “better Christian.” I still held onto certain convictions, such as the idea of eternal damnation, which was a good reason not to contemplate suicide. I also had the misfortune of losing a close friend to suicide during high school. I’ve seen what suicide can do to families and friends, so for me, it was never an option, especially now that I’m a father. I would never want them to suffer from that kind of loss that I and so many others have felt when someone takes their own life. When they were born, I made a promise to work on my relationship with God. I broke that promise for a long time before I found a better Spiritual path.

During dark times we often seek answers from places that are beyond earthly comprehension. For me, it often resulted in prayer. For the longest time, it was just words spoken to what I felt was thin air. Over time, however, I began to embrace a deeper relationship with our creator. It didn’t hurt that I belonged to a mastermind group filled with men attempting to grow and improve, with many of the members strong Christians. It was not an organization focused on religion, but it seemed to attract men of strong faith. It was this opportunity that opened my eyes to something I had been missing in my life, a fellowship of men who were trying to live life positively and healthily and that was not ashamed to be believers. Also, I had some amazing people cross my path who helped me develop a deeper love for and relationship with God, including my girlfriend who is one of the most loving and supportive people I’ve ever met. I bring all of this up because as men we often do not take care to surround ourselves with people who can help us grow. The focus is on fun and “male bonding,” but is it moving us toward the self we want to be? Jim Rohn often stated that we are the average of the five people who surround us. Which five people are you closest to and what are they doing for you??

This article is not intended to be about religion, but I do believe that when times are dark, the people who suffer the most are those that believe in nothing. Suicide rates are lower among individuals who have religious conviction, though it does not mean we’re impervious to the pain of depression and other such dark emotional states. Still, in many religions, there is a belief that suicide is a mortal sin. I’ve always said I wouldn’t do well in prison and I don’t believe I’d fare well in any form of eternal damnation. Look at me being soft! Seriously, this isn’t why I have spiritual faith, but it does mean I have an outlet when I’m struggling. That outlet is prayer and scripture. That may not be for you, but my hope for you is that you have something. We all need something to cling to when things get tough. Being alone and depressed is a horrible combination. As a Christian, I believe I’m never alone. Don’t get me wrong, it sometimes feels like it, but that’s when I put my attention to the man upstairs. Where do you turn when you feel alone?

If we look at statistics about younger people and their limited affiliation with religion, we believe that the idea of “faith” is an outdated concept. If you journey onto social media, it’s easy to believe that the world is full of atheists who rally to bash anyone who has a religious bone in their body. Being on Facebook, I believed that the number of people labeling themselves atheist was exploding around the globe. Statistics tell another story, as atheism is on the decline around the globe. Other statistics show that “non-believers,” as a group, also tend to be more expressive and vocal about their viewpoints. Therefore, if you’re a closeted Christian, Muslim, a person of Jewish faith, Buddhist, Hindu, or some otherworldly religion, you can believe you’re not alone, and you are not being looked down upon because you have faith. And if that faith helps you through dark times, embrace it. If it doesn’t, then I’d argue that you don’t have faith. I should know, as I’ve had points where I lost my spiritual connection, and it was in those moments I felt most alone and deeply lost. The point I am trying to make is we all need to find some purpose or something to believe in that helps keep us grounded and sheltered during life’s lemon season(s). Sure, when life throws you lemons, you are supposed to make lemonade. For me, faith helps sweeten the batch and turns that sour mess into a refreshing glass of soul-lifting nourishment.?

For my divorced brethren, I encourage you to focus on fellowship, faith, and family. Support is always available if we seek it, and when we don’t want it is when we most need it. Look for those moments when you’re certain you don’t need anyone. That’s when you should seek everyone. And if you have even a glimmer of faith, drop to your knees and pray and you’ll realize you were never alone.

Paul Kirch is the host of the the top 10 business podcast show,?BOSS Academy Radio(BossAcademy.com) and an entrepreneur who knows the struggles divorced entrepreneurs face as a parent, a professional, and a partner in his budding relationship. If you want to learn more, follow him on?LinkedIN.