SPEED SCHOOL (A Parody)

Are you stuck in a dead end job because you don't have a High School Diploma?

Would a Community College Associate of Arts Degree rescue you from your dismal career prospects?

Is the lack of a Bachelors Degree blocking your path to a decent income?

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The

UNIVERSITY of ACCELERATED SUBJECT STUDIES

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U.A.S.S. will not inflict upon you so much as a single thesis, dissertation, report or paper.

U.A.S.S. is dedicated to the proposition that anyone with $99.99 is entitled to the Ph.D., M.D., J.D. or other doctorate of their choice.

Why spend the best years of your life in some musty library surrounded by goofy characters who actually seem to enjoy reading all that gobbledegook in those big, fat books?

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Why burden yourself with years of skin-wrinkling and eye-straining study?

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? ? ? ? ? ? ? You don't need to raid your parents' retirement fund.

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U.A.S.S. is accredited by the Distinguished Board of Official Graduate Universities and Schools (B.O.G.U.S.).

If you're ready to step out from behind that counter where you've been flipping burgers and flinching from hot grease burns; if you're prepared to Climb into a Space Shuttle, Stride into a Courtroom or March into an Operating Room and Take your Rightful Place as an Astronaut, Lawyer or Surgeon, then Now is the Time and U.A.S.S. is the Place!

CALL 1 (800) 2-BE-A-DOC

Operators Are Standing By

Enroll Now and make your mother proud.

University of Accelerated Subject Studies (UASS)

(A Division of KrushSkull Industries)