A Spectrum of LGBTQ Inclusion

Some would say I'm the "Hostess with the Mostess" when it comes to a good party. My joy comes from seeing EVERYONE have a good time through laughter, banter, storytelling, and even at times, tears. My joy comes from knowing every person in my home and space has felt loved, accepted, and heard.

Some would also label me as a "disruptor". I'll be the first one to address the white elephant in the room in order to detach from the discomfort and awkwardness. I recall a DEI committee meeting I attended at an organization historically known for its culture of strict Christian values. During the committee's discussion, a representative of the organization announced how proud they were to have LGBTQ (Lesbian - Gay - Bisexual - Transgender - Queer) as part of their DEI (Diversity - Equity - Inclusion) strategy. Shall I add another acronym (insert sarcasm)?

Immediately my mind swirled around trying to bridge the gap between what I grew up knowing and understanding - that Christian values don't include LGBTQ. So, I asked, "How are you navigating the discussion about the inclusion of this particular group based on the biblical principles and values of your organization? Are you finding it difficult to discuss the white elephant in the room, which is the stigma surrounding our "sinful lifestyle" placed by the church and Christianity?"

NEVER stop asking questions!

"Great question!" is all I received in reply. Later on, I received a call from the LGBTQ Employee Resource Groups Committee Chair, letting me know they appreciated my honest question. In fact - they were curious to know my thoughts on bridging the inclusion gap. "I don't believe it's a matter of my thoughts. It's a matter of where people fall on the spectrum of including my community. We can't ignore the construction of a doctrine meant and built to reject our being. It's more than a discussion. It's identifying where we find ourselves on their moral dilemma of "gayness"."

My experiences and journeys have certainly cultivated relationships with diverse thoughts, feelings, cultures, colors, religions, doctrines, values, principles, people, etc. For me - there has always rested a denominator within these constructs - belonging. People want to belong. We seem to have complicated the messages of a great healer, philosopher, and teacher.

My purpose isn't to complicate more but to perhaps provide clarity to help navigate the dialogue surrounding this maze of conflicting thoughts. I tossed and I turned all night - worried I may have dismissed the committee chair because I myself didn't know how to answer the question. My mind wouldn't rest.

"The stigma surrounding the "sin" of being gay isn't going to go away," I thought. "I believe we have to accept what is - knowing there will be those who would rather see us dead than alive and thriving in the world they feel entitled to be in. There will be those who don't believe we're deserving of worth because we're an "abomination" (Leviticus 18:22). According to a popular belief, this, me, is a "detestable" thing."

I gave up trying to sleep that night. I headed straight to my office to construct this image I couldn't ignore. I created a spectrum scale based on my personal journey to belong. My hope is to provide clarity as to where we, you, are in the tolerance and inclusion of LGBTQIA.

REJECT: This section illustrates extreme dismissal or intolerance. Unfortunately, individuals who align more to this extreme thought typically don't come around to any standard of tolerance - no matter your organization's DEI mission, policy, or required training and development. It's not unusual for many of my HR friends and colleagues to receive an email or phone call regarding an employee's personal conflict between their fundamental religious doctrine, and the organization's doctrine of inclusion.

• Identifiers: While these identifiers may feel or seem extreme to some, if not most, they should. The extreme allows those who don't identify to understand the fear and unease from someone such as myself.
• Examples: Most of us have witnessed the un-Godly behavior and actions of the Westboro Baptist Church, which resides just south of my backyard. The "God Hates Fags" church is a perfect example of the extreme idea focused on rejecting and destroying our community.
• Mitigation & Dialogue: Unfortunately, creating any type of safe space to dialogue with this mindset would be futile. There are two extremes battling it out within the mind of this particular employee - individual. There would have to take place de-construction of their personal values and beliefs that have taken a lifetime, up to that point, of building. The dialogue should be approached by clearly and confidently outlining the standards of the organization regarding inclusion. Thus - you put the decision to stay or leave back onto the one conflicted.

SAVE: This section is meant to identify the manipulating approaches and attitudes from those who believe we are mentally ill and could use a good dose of "spiritual reparative healing." These individuals believe we can be saved from our "wicked ways."

After twenty years of my professional career, I stopped counting the number of times someone from work invited me to their church or bible study. You might ask, "Clint - they are just being nice. What's wrong with inviting you to their church?" The answer to that question would take us into another dialogue altogether, which really has nothing to do with workplace inclusion. However - I would encourage you to review this link to understand psychological malpractice taking place, even today, against our community. CONVERSION THERAPY (De-Gayification).

• Identifiers: I found the identity of this section more manipulating in nature. While the approach appears kind and loving - the purpose can be a dangerous one if the receiving party were to submit and accept the invitation to attend.
• Examples: I'm a former minister and graduate of seminary school, and a survivor of ten years of conversion therapy. These organizations are just a few of the many that practice, or have practiced, the pseudo-psychological practices of conversion therapy: Exodus International; Desert Stream Living Waters; Reparative Therapy
• Mitigation & Dialogue: I noticed a church flyer hanging on my front door as I arrived home from work one day. The invitation was a nice and inviting one as it laid out the commitment to their "Godly" purpose in our community. I was too curious and thought, "Well, maybe they aren't like the churches I attended - resulting in my PTSD. Stop judging, be open-minded, and call." So - I gave them a call. Much to my surprise, the senior pastor answered with a very warm and welcoming greeting. I introduced myself and explained I received his church flyer on my front door. I welcomed his new church to the community, and let him know I had a few questions before attending. I couldn't get past the first question without noticing the extreme change in his tone. "My husband and I are interested in finding a home church. If we were to attend, are there opportunities for us to become involved, possibly leaders, and even be recognized in our marriage to one another?" It was silent at first- then he responded, "We welcome everyone into our congregation to attend." I replied, "That's wonderful! My apologies, but I don't believe that answered my question." He repeated his passive answer then quickly stated he needed to hurry off to a meeting and disconnected the call. My purpose in sharing this story is to understand the underlying, and artful, manipulation that can be surfaced with a few honest and thought-provoking questions.

TOLERATE: Anyone who has worked in the DEI space heard the statement "Diversity is being invited to the party. Inclusion is being asked to dance." I don't know about you, but I'm a dancing fool! I love to dance! And - I'm really good at it. Perhaps one day I'll show off my dancing skills. You'll hire me, invite me to meetings, and occasionally ask my opinion. But - when it comes down to fully including someone like me still conflicts with a personal structuring of biblical ideology or doctrine. You might tolerate me because of a workplace policy, but that doesn't mean you fully respect or appreciate my work as a colleague. Therefore - the conflict remains and progressing forward isn't always possible because it's better to ignore the white elephant than to address the obvious.

• Identifiers: There is tension, un-comfort if you will, between the parties. "Love the Sinner - Hate the Sin," is a personal favorite of mine. A favorite in the sense that it illustrates the passive-aggressive nature without seemingly passing judgment or disdain for the "lifestyle choice." This is a sensitive area for DEI as you will have those who believe a person of color can't help who they are because they had no choice in the color of their skin. But, someone like me made a conscious choice to be in a "lifestyle" that discriminates. So - you'll tolerate me and invite me, but you're not going to ask me to dance.
• Examples: I was always included as part of my partner's invitation to the company holiday party for over five years. One year, soon after a corporate purchase, the invitation no longer included me on the invitation. I went to research more about the corporation and found they only offered inclusion efforts for every diverse demographic except for gender identity and sexual orientation. It was then my partner and I made a decision of professional survival to keep our relationship on the down-low. He was tolerated, but not fully included.
• Mitigation & Dialogue: I served thirteen years in the United States Air Force under the policy of Don't Ask - Don't Tell. I volunteered for three international deployments: Operation Iraq Freedom; Operation Enduring Freedom. During these deployments, I found there was a denominator, a common ground, with those I had the honor and privilege to serve alongside. As long as I did my job, and looked after my brothers and sisters in arms, there was no conflict. In fact, there was full inclusion of me within my pod of fellow service-members. The same applies to an organization or community. Clearly articulate the purpose, mission, and vision, and you will find a common core dedicated to it, no matter who is involved.

ACCEPT: A few years after completing seminary school a former classmate and fellow believer reached out to me on My Space. Yes, My Space, ya'll! It was clear on my page I had "come out". I accepted this person as a friend, and quickly asked, "Are you okay that I'm openly gay now?" To which he answered in the kindest and accepting way I believe he could, "Who am I to judge? Even Jesus sat the murderers, tax collectors, and prostitutes."

While I appreciated the re-connection with my former fellow believer, I could tell he was still conflicted with the moral dilemma of "homosexuality." I could also understand there was ignorance to which he wasn't aware. I responded to him, "It is so nice to re-connect. While I'm happy you accept me as I am, please know I am not a murderer or tax collector. My gayness isn't an intention to hurt or harm others. My gayness is only a small part of who I am, and who I am with the person I decide to share my life with."

• Identifiers: There is an acceptance within this section, but not yet a complete ally. While there may be sprinkles of both tolerance and acceptance, the gap can be bridged through education and story-telling.
• Examples: As I illustrated with my friend, there will be some occasionally blind spots: improper use of pronouns; continuing to identify as "partner or significant other" rather than a spouse.
• Mitigation & Dialogue: In my years of working in the DEI space I have found that creating a safe space for honest dialogue mediated with unconscious bias training can help construct a bridge to help someone go from "accepting" to "ally-ship". I have found the most important part of bridging this gap is not to quickly judge those who are trying to move from acceptance to ally-ship. Be patient with the individual's journey to understanding.

INCLUSION: Coming from someone such as myself, there is no better feeling than to know you have been fully included as the authentic self. This section is meant to illustrate not only being fully included but also holding accountable the need for ally-ship in order to further inclusion efforts, and dismantle the ignorance (conscious and unconscious) projected.

• Identifiers: It was a very scary time and place when I made the decision or "choice" to live my life authentically. I was rejected by my family, church, friends, job, but I was graciously blessed with those in my life who were there during a very dark and painful time. These individuals welcome without a hidden agenda. These allies embrace and accept the human being with only the reason - belonging. These allies will not only include, but they will support, donate, and march with you in a parade.
• Examples: There are many non-profit organizations advancing inclusion and ally-ship: HRC; NGLCC; GSA
• Mitigation & Dialogue: Keep accountability with continuing education and training. Being an ally, I believe, also means identifying others' blind-spots, and conscious biases, and advocating for those who haven't been asked to dance, yet. We need those heterosexual (straight) alliances to advance our community's seat at the table. Stand up for the under-dog.

While we may not always have the right answers, my hope is this can provide an illustration as to where we are, and how much further we have to go. We have work to do, ya'll!