The Spectrum Of Empathy
Hi Everyone,
I wanted to take some time to talk about the spectrum of Empathy and how, as Coaches and Leaders, it is vitally important that we are aware of how we are engaging with our Clients.
The spectrum of Empathy includes Pity, Sympathy, Empathy, and Compassion. ?Pity and Sympathy require little to no effort or understanding, while Empathy and Compassion require effort to understand and engagement to produce a positive change.
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Pity is simply when you feel sorry for somebody else.??? Unfortunately, that’s because with Pity you are basically placing the other in a position of a helpless victim and condemning them to continue suffering.? You don’t share their feelings and are grateful that you don’t.?
Sounds like:? “Sucks to be you.”
Sympathy means that you care about their suffering, but still aren’t interested anything meaningful about it.?? You commiserate and share their feelings and may have felt them yourself at one point in your life.? You acknowledge their suffering but remain distant.
Sounds like:? “Sucks to be you, and I got you this card to show how much I care.”
Empathy is where we start to change the game in relationships.
Empathy is where you try to understand their suffering and share the experience.? It requires the capacity to imagine yourself in that situation, experiencing the emotions, ideas, and attitudes of that person.?? You do need to be mindful of establishing boundaries or you can get sucked into the situation instead of providing a stable place for them to come to talk.? Empathy can take more emotional energy and you can find yourself accidentally triggered by their emotions.? If not managed properly it can lead to many negative things, like becoming more reactive, depressed, and vulnerable.? Be mindful of these pitfalls, practicing boundaries is essential here. With Empathy you acknowledge their suffering, and you understand it, and you resonate with it.? Empathy is saying “I feel your pain.”
Sounds like:? “I can appreciate why you are devastated; I feel for you and want you to know I’m here for you.”
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Compassion is on the other end of the spectrum from Pity.?
Compassion and Empathy both involve responding and relating to other people’s emotions, but they differ in where they focus.? Compassion is connected and action oriented, as with Compassion you help empower them to change their circumstances.? Compassion takes Empathy a step further, when you feel compassion, you help empower them to change their circumstances. This has repercussions in terms of prosocial behaviors and solidarity actions.?? Compassion promotes prosocial behaviors and solidarity; it is an emotional response to Empathy and creates a desire to help.
Sounds like:? “I see you are suffering, and I will work with you to alleviate it.”
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Understanding and being able to navigate the Spectrum of Empathy is a quality that is at the core of being successful as a coach.?? Remember:? Our Clients come to you looking for help and guidance with issues that may seem entirely professional, but invariably have personal aspects, AND, they often start out as complete strangers to us. They will need to be able to trust you and they will be more inclined to do that if they feel you empathize with them.? Obviously, sympathy is also essential, especially in dealing with clients who may be facing particularly stubborn obstacles. However, empathizing with them, meaning trying to stand beside them and help them over that obstacle, is a foundational piece of being an effective and impactful coach.? It shows real leadership skills, but, as with most valuable things, being a Compassionate Leader isn't easy. No matter how you feel about someone, including yourself, the reality is that every human being, by their very existence, is a unique and amazing accomplishment. They are deserving of your respect.?? Compassionate Leadership is essential to agility. The Agile Value of "Individuals and Interactions" shows us that it is imperative that you take responsibility for creating and nurturing a relationship with your client that is truly focused on collaboration and interaction.
Understanding Empathy across the spectrum is one of the many tools you can use towards building better, more meaningful, and more rewarding relationships.
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Some skills and tools (there are SO many out there) to help you in cultivating Empathy across the spectrum when you coach:
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Active Listening:
Things You Can Do:?Teach and practice active listening skills, incorporating techniques like paraphrasing and summarizing. You can use articles like this to look to foster your Active Listening skills:
·?????? Active Listening Techniques
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Observation and Feedback:
Things You Can Do:?Develop a keen observational sense to notice non-verbal cues, team dynamics, and individual behaviors.???
·?????? Giving good feedback: https://www.betterup.com/blog/how-to-give-feedback
·?????? Giving good feedback: https://www.themuse.com/advice/5-steps-to-giving-good-feedback
·?????? Being a good observer: https://www.wikihow.com/Be-a-Good-Observer
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Psychological Safety:
Things You Can Do:?Create an environment where team members feel safe expressing their opinions without fear of reprisal. This is a fantastic website to get lots of tips, tricks, and tools to help you identify, develop, and increase psychological safety:
·?????? Psychological Safety In The Workplace
Please feel free to reach out to me if you wish to discuss this topic further.
Go out there and do good things.
Paul