A Special, Slightly Star-Struck Lunch

Ilise Benun

Think of the last time you met someone you highly respected and admired. How did you feel? Cool, calm, and collected? Stoic? A little star struck?

I recently had an opportunity to meet a mentor and coach I've been working with for a little over a year. Although we've interacted over Zoom several times now, this was a first in-person meeting. It was very informal – a casual lunch and conversation at a restaurant's outdoor patio with a beautiful view. I hadn't felt particularly nervous prior to meeting, just thrilled to have the opportunity to spend time with her face-to-face and in real time. She was exactly how she comes through during video sessions: personable, grounded, authentic. I was mostly myself too, however, I did notice certain ways where I wasn't being fully myself. It was like I could observe my behavior as I was interacting.

It was little things. For example, she asked how I was enjoying my food. I responded. I didn't reciprocate the inquiry. That's not like me at all! I enjoy eating and I enjoy when the company I'm with enjoys their food, and I return the question. Why didn't I ask? She asked where my parents lived and I responded. I literally had the question in my mind, “Where does your mom live?” but I didn't ask aloud! What is going on with you, Cari?

Meanwhile, there were two other tables with guests on the patio and we all interacted in a playful way with each other which added to the fun. One table had a family with two young boys. The dad was reading the dessert options from the menu and it peeked our interest. When the server asked us if we'd like dessert, we said we might want the chunky chocolate chip skillet with ice cream, but wanted to see it first when it was served to the boys. This caused boisterous laughter from all – except the two boys. To which one asked plainly, “Why do grown-ups laugh at things that aren't funny? No body even told a joke.” Which only caused more laughter!

All in all, it was a lovely conversation and I got to know my mentor a little better as a person beyond the role of a sage. I cherish that. I also shared more of my story and I believe when we know more about each other's stories, we have a deeper understanding to their strengths and intricacies. Great building blocks for good relationships.

I was still curious about why I wasn't fully myself. I wasn't not myself, but there was just a bit of an internal awkwardness. I have obviously already made a “first impression,” so I wasn't feeling nervous about that. Ego? No. Insecurity? Not exactly. Then it occurred to me. Quite simply, I was a little star struck. I've had great teachers and mentors in my college days and different professional trainings I've gone through. Most of them were several years ago and some in an online scenario. The difference with this mentor is her approach to how she teaches. All of my experiences, up until now, have been where the teacher was the expert and I was the student. While she is an expert and she is teaching, she also asks and invites the wisdom and voices from her mentees. It's collaborative. We're all adults and professionals which makes the whole situation different than my past experiences. However, I have reflected on what would it have been like if teachers taught more in this way? What if more companies, organizations, municipalities, non-profits intentionally utilized the wisdom, experiences, and talents from their people as the valuable resources they are?

It's been a long time since I've worked with a leader that I respect, admire, and value their opinion. I strive to be this type of leader – leading by influence and authenticity, not by ego or hierarchy. So yes, I was a little star struck. Thanks for meeting me for lunch. And, the chunky chocolate chip skillet was delicious!