SPECIAL EDITION: Don't Say the "M" Word!
Amazon.com: A Silent-A-Thon or SAT! Live Yet Pre-Recorded on ‘A Silent Radio Hour’ at The Spank the Monkey Café! Be There or Be Square! CLICK! CLICK! CLICK!
Whoever enters here honors me; whoever doesn’t- pleases me.
-Friedrich Nietzsche
Live Yet Pre-recorded: A Special Episode or SE!
OF
Don’t Say the “M” Word!
A Silent Radio Hour: Live Yet Pre-Recorded:
“I understand people believe I'm just a statistic
I say to them I'm different”
10th grader, Antwon Rose
“De l’audace, encore de l’audace, toujours de l’audace!” [“Audacity, audacity, always audacity!”]
-Georges Danton
“The power of the powerless!”
-Vaclav Havel
NSPB: Welcome “silent listeners!” This just in! Warren please!
Jeff Bezos: Amazon not ‘too big to fail!’
RAT: At an all-hands meeting last Thursday in Seattle, Washington! An uppity Amazon employee asked Jeff Bezos: ‘My Liege Bezos? What lessons has Amazon learned from the recent bankruptcies of Sears and other big retailers?’ TheBezos answered, after having the “uppity” employee dragged outta the meeting room screaming: ‘Don’t do it my Lord Bezos!’ And while roaring laughter could be heard across The Sound, TheBezos had this to say: ‘Amazon is not too big to fail!’ The Lord Bezos told the crowd. ‘In fact, I predict one day Amazon will fail! Amazon will go bankrupt! If you look at large companies, their lifespans tend to be 30-plus years, not a hundred-plus years!’ The Leader of The Evil Empire or TEE…
D: TEA TIME or TT!
W: Some Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGIT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn Drew?
D: Oh yes please!
W: What a sweet boy!
J&NSPB&RAT&TheSASMO: Us too! Us too! We’d like some Good Ole Fashioned Chinese Green Tea or GOFCGIT sold by Mother Eu-funh or Playful Phoenix, a Mom and Pop Corner Tea Store in Hong Kong, China or MEPPMPCTSHKC and popcorn, please!
W: Not to worry my darlings! There’s plenty here for everyone!
RAT: Continuing! The Lord Bezos had this to further say: ‘If we start to focus on ourselves, instead of focusing on our customers, that will be the beginning of the end!’ And with sinister Darth Vadar music playing in the background, he added: ‘We have to try and delay that day for as long as possible.’
NSPB: Anything else!
RAT: Indeed! The room broke out in thunderous tribute: BEZOS! BEZOS! BEZOS! All honor! Adoration! Devotion! And yes! All thanks to “our” Fearless Leader: Jeff Bezos!
NSPB: Amazing! Okay then! We’re here today on “our” only day off…
D: We get a day off? Jonathan?
J: You never noticed nobody else being here on Sundays?
D: I? I don’t know?
RAT: Right! And please, New Show Producer Becka or NSPB? Why are “we” here? Isn’t this a little too much?
NSPB: We’re here because we’re true believers! We believe in TheAmazon and its CEO and founder: Jeff Bezos! We’ve seen the pain “they’re” in! And we’re here to help!
J&D&RAT: Bezos! Bezos! Bezos!
NSPB: Exactly! And if just to demonstrate what’s going to happen here today! Let’s enjoy a little sample of what’s to come! From an earlier Episode or E of ‘A Silent Radio Hour’ dedicated to Jeff Bezos and his BIG BEZOS BALLS or BBBS! And to get us going! TheSASMO, please!
TheSASMO: Now! On this particular Episode or E, we played on the subject of the size of the Bezos Balls, a work of art, which were patterned after the greenhouses at London’s ‘Kew Gardens’ featuring walkways above fig trees, ferns and rhododendrons! TheBezos introduced this structure to provide hot-desking for Amazon.com workers looking for a break from the neighboring office tower.
RAT: Boring!
NSPB: What Warren?
RAT: The neighboring office tower!
J: It’s the kind of break which only The Big Bezos Balls or BBBs can bring!
TheSASMO: Dave Christie or DC and Jeff Bezos or JB had a frank conversation concerning the Big Bezos Balls or BBBs which went something like this!
JB: Well, over at Season’s Eatings, we have Balls for every taste.
DC: Popcorn Balls, Cheese Balls, Rum Balls..?
JB: Wow! My mouth’s watering just thinking about those Balls!
DC: It’s been years since I’ve seen any Balls so HUGE!
JB: Would you like to see my Balls now?
DC: Yeah. Whip ‘em out.
JB: Mmm.. wow… these are some beautiful Balls!
DC: They're bigger than I expected.
JB: A lot of people tell me that.
DC: Look at that, the way they glisten.
JB: That’s because each one of my Balls gets plenty of oil.
DC: I can’t help but, notice, Jeff, your Balls are a little misshapen.
JB: That’s because I rested them on a hot stove too long.
DC: Can I touch your Balls?
JB: Go ahead. But be careful though! They’re very delicate! HUGE but delicate!
DC: Wow. I can’t wait to get my mouth around those Balls. Ooh.. I like the way your Balls smell..
JB: Do whatever you want to, ladies. My Balls are here for your pleasure.
DC: Wow, I have to say! Your Balls are so tender!
JB: Well, there’s no beating my Balls. They’re made from a secret Schweddy Family recipe. No one can resist my Schweddy Balls.
DC: Wow.. Schweddy Balls. Nothing like a Schweddy Ball.
JB: Mmm.. good times!
TheSASMO: Look! ‘The Giant balls say everything about the man…’ as Jeff Bezos is taken on a tour of The Bezos Balls or BBs during their grand opening in January.
J: Why you laughing Drew?
D: Because I just totally get it! The Bezos Balls!
RAT: Moving on to bigger and better things!
J&D: Bigger and Better than The Bezos Balls or BBTBB, Warren?
RAT: Whatever! And moving forward, please!
NSPB: Some fun hah! Anyway! We’re looking to have a great time while raising funds for the Poor Ole Amazon or POA which took a tumble of 25% on its shares which caused Mr. Jeff Bezos to lose some $19.2 billion dollars!
J: Hot damn Beck! That’s some K-Ching or KC noise in the background!
NSPB: Hot damn’s correct! Can you just imagine those poor suckers who’ve lined up for years while grapping all the shares possible? What it most have been like to find out that they’d just lost 25% of “their” wealth?
TheSASMO! Front and center! What would a conversation between the Lord Bezos and his subordinate minions sound like?
RAT: Silent radio Beck! Silent radio!
J: And isn’t this a ‘Silent-A-Thon’ or SAT, Beck?
NSPB: Let’s go to “my” closing of each and every show! It’s something like this: ‘…I wish to thank all of you for tuning in once more while again leaving Any Semblance of Rational Thought or ASRT at the door as for the sake of TheBezos: How in the hell can you listen to silent radio? Never understood that one but hey…’ Hey guys! Blame Jonathan and Drew! They came up with this cockamamie idea! Not me!
RAT&TheSASMO: Boo Jonathan and Drew! Boo!
TheSASMO: Now moving on! Let’s “imagine” a conversation between TheBezos and his minions going something like this: ‘Lord Bezos! My children need milk for their cereal! With the 25% loss of my wealth I can’t afford to properly take care of them! What should I do?’ And TheBezos would reply: ‘Let the little ingrates eat cake! Now get outta my sight!’ NEXT!’
INSIDE THEAMAZON!
BEZOS! BEZOS! BEZOS! All praise to TheBEZOS!
NSPB: And that’s why we’re here! To keep that spirit alive! So in the words of the Fearless Leader or FL himself: ‘If we start to focus on ourselves, instead of focusing on our customers, that will be the beginning of the end!’
INSIDE THEAMAZON!
BEZOS! BEZOS! BEZOS! All praise to TheBEZOS!
NSPB: Again! We’re here to “prevent” the, in the Lord Bezos’ own words: ‘…the beginning of the end!’ So please! TheSASMO! An update on public contributions given so far in “our” Silent-A-Thon or SAT?
TheSASMO: The tally’s this! A drum-roll please!
ZERO!
INSIDE THEAMAZON!
BEZOS! BEZOS! BEZOS! All praise to TheBEZOS!
NSPB: ZERO? Are the phones lighting up?
J&D&RAT&TheSASMO: NOPE!
NSPB: Are they working?
J&D&RAT&TheSASMO: YEP!
NSPB: Didn’t “we” sign-up “volunteers” to work the phones?
J&D&RAT&TheSASMO: NOPE!
NSPB: Don’t “our” cherished listeners care that TheAmazon’s crumbling?
J&D&RAT&TheSASMO: NOPE!
NSPB: Can any of you imagine a world without Amazon.com and “their” cheerful, often jovial, some say buoyant; fun-loving good times?
J&RAT&TheSASMO: YEP!
D: NOPE!
INSIDE THEAMAZON!
BEZOS! BEZOS! BEZOS! All praise to TheBEZOS!
D: I have an idea Becka!
J&RAT: Oh! We’ve just gotta hear this one!
NSPB: Silent radio guys! Silent radio!
J&RAT: Touché Becka! Touché!
NSPB: Your “idea” Drew?
D: Maybe a song by Jonathan can get things going? Get these “greedy” anti-Amazon people to loosen “their” purse-strings!
NSPB: Great idea Drew! Really great! Okay then! Jonathan, please!
J: Just try and imagine a world without TheAmazon! And we’re singing loudly but clear! And we’re Moving With-A-Purpose or MWAP!
J&D&NSPB&RAT&TheSASMO: ‘Imagine there’s no heaven It’s easy if you try No hell below us Above us only sky Imagine all the people living for today Imagine there’s no countries It isn’t hard to do Nothing to kill or die for And no religion too Imagine all the people living life in peace You may say I’m a dreamer But I’m not the only one I hope someday you’ll join us And the world will be as one Imagine no possessions I wonder if you can No need for greed or hunger A brotherhood of man Imagine all the people sharing all the world You may say I’m a dreamer But I’m not the only one I hope someday you'll join us And the world will live as one!’
INSIDE AMAZON’S CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS!
A.cAs or (Amazon.com Amdroids): What the hell was that?
A.cAs or (Amazon.com Amholes- ‘management’): Is Satan I tell you!
A.cAs or (Amazon.com Amdroids): True dat!
A.cA or (Amazon.com Amdroid): I thought Mr. Bezos was Satan?
AA.cA or (Another Aamzon.com Amdroid): He is! But listen! Mr. Bezos is “our” Satan! Besides! He’s the most well known Satan in the land!
A.cA or (Aamzon.com Amdroid): Not Donald Trump?
AA.cA or (Another Aamzon.com Amdroid): Nah! Trump’s nothin’ but a chump! Mr. Bezos’ the real deal!
A.cA or (Aamzon.com Amdroid): Oh? Do you think Mr. Bezos will get us something nice for Christmas this year?
AA.cA or (Another Aamzon.com Amdroid): Nah!
A.cA or (Aamzon.com Amdroid): Why not?
AA.cA or (Another Aamzon.com Amdroid): Much too busy pulling the wings off the bodies of innocent flies!
INSIDE THEAMAZON!
BEZOS! BEZOS! BEZOS! All praise to TheBEZOS!
NSPB: So once again! We’re here to “prevent” the, in the Lord Bezos’ words: ‘…the beginning of the end!’ for TheAmazon! So please! Make a contribution to the:
SAVE THE AMAZON FUND!
D: I got one! I got one! A caller or C! I got one!
C: Hello? Am I on the air?
D: Yes! You’re on the air! Would you like to make a contribution to the:
SAVE THE AMAZON FUND?
C: Yes! I’d love to participate in saving the Rain Forrest or RF!
D: Sorry! That’s:
SAVE AMAZON.COM!
C: The online retailer?
D: Yes! The online retail giant:
AMAZON.COM!
C: Hell no!
CLICK!
NSPB: TheSASMO! An update on public donations given so far in “our” Silent-A-Thon or SAT?
TheSASMO: The tally’s this! A drum-roll please!
ZERO!
INSIDE THEAMAZON!
BEZOS! BEZOS! BEZOS! All praise to TheBEZOS!
NSPB: ZERO? God dammit! Aren’t the phones working? No one said a thing when I asked that earlier! Didn’t “we” sign-up “volunteers” to work the phones? Are you people on Time Off Task or TOT and not answering the phones? Hey cherished listeners? Listen up! Don’t you care that TheAmazon’s crumbling? Can any of you imagine a world without Amazon.com and “their” cheerful, often jovial, some say buoyant; fun-loving good times?
J&RAT&TheSASMO: YEP!
D: NOPE!
NSPB: So once again! We’re here to “prevent” the, in the Lord Bezos’ words: ‘…the beginning of the end!’ for Amazon.com! So please! TheSASMO! An update on public donations given so far in “our” Silent-A-Thon or SAT?
TheSASMO: The tally’s this! A drum-roll please!
ZERO!
INSIDE THEAMAZON!
BEZOS! BEZOS! BEZOS! All praise to TheBEZOS!
NSPB: ZERO? God dammit! Does anyone have an idea that’ll get the
contributions moving? Please! Remember! We’re facing a world without Amazon.com! Please! An idea! Any idea! My kingdom for an idea!
J: Perhaps we can give a “gift” with each contribution!
NSPB: Continue Jonathan!
J: Well let’s see? We could give a copy of a past show as a “gift” to “our” cherished listeners who donate to the cause?
NSPB: Let’s give it a try! Couldn’t hurt!
RAT: Might not help!
NSPB: Let’s give it a go! But just a taste!
FROM EPISODE III!
J: So as we stated yesterday; our guest today’s a living, breathing, actual in the flesh Whistle-blower who’s written a fabulous book about the hidden worlds inside an American corporation!
D: And what corporation might that be Jonathan?
J: The one we’ve painstakingly been talking about!
D: You mean Amazon.com?
J: Yes! I mean Amazon.com and all its evil minions!
D: Evil minions? Gets more frightening the further you go, Jonathan?
J: What?
D: Those evil corporations frighten me!
J: As they should dear brother, as they should! Anyway, without further ado, please welcome our guest today, the Stupid Ass Scratching Author or again, SASA and his Stupid Ass Scratching Book or SASB with its Stupid Ass Scratching Title or SAST; please, author and whistle-blower: Stupid Ass Scratching Mark Oglesby or SASMO!
D: Is SASMO going to scratch his Stupid Ass Scratching Ass or SASS?
J: Hopefully Drew, no! So, may I call you SASMO?
M: Absolutely not! Please, just call me Mark!
J: Okay than Mr. Mark, I’ll call you ( Inspirational Pause!), Mark!
M: That’s my name!
D: But SASMO sure sounds exciting!
J: How’s that Drew?
D: Has a bit of a flare to it! You know: Hey cherished listeners, please welcome SASMO to The Spank the Monkey Café and our ‘A Silent Radio Hour’ live yet pre-recorded.
M: And nobody will be able to recognize me even though we’re live yet pre-recorded?
J: Certainly not! You see SASMO…
M: That’s Mark please!
J: Whatever! Anyway, this’ silent radio and no one can see you or any of this!
M: And they won’t recognize my voice?
J: Once again SASMO…
M: That’s Mark please!
J: Again, whatever! This’ silent radio! NO one can hear you!
M: So than why the hell are we doing this anyway?
J: For the corporate money Stupid! What a SASMO!
M: That’s Mark please!
J: Whatever!
D: Can we please get on with this! It’s nearly Tea Time or TT!
M: But I’m a steaming hot coffee man!
W: No coffee here! Only Tea!
J: Sorry SASMO…
M: That’s Mark please!
J: Whatever! Listen…
M: But this’ silent radio!
D: He’s got a point Jonathan!
J: Whatever! You see, when the waitress says “No Coffee!” or NC, she means it!
W: Sorry hons, but those are the rules!
M: Very well, I’ll take some TT!
J: Great! TT it is! Now SASMO…
M: That’s Mark please!
J: Whatever! How is it that you were able to breech the barrier which separates all the rest of us from the hidden under-belly of the commercially induced identity and actually venture forth into the Corporate Zone or CZ?
M: I filled out an application!
D: Sounds easy!
M: Then try it sometime!
D: You mean actually go to work?
J: Sound ghastly if you ask me!
M: It is! It’s supposed to be!
J: Why? What’s all the fuss about?
M: The fuss’ all about earning a living and paying your bills!
D: FAKE NEWS ALERT!
M: Fake news?
J: Yes SASMO…
M: That’s Mark please!
J: Whatever! Listen! A big part of our receiving Corporate Cash or CC has to do with our commitment to the FAKE NEWS ALERT!
D: Or FNA!
J: Yes! FNA or the FAKE NEWS ALERT! Allows us to warn our cherished listeners here on silent radio that something which might upset the general populous and their uninformed view of Said Stated Corporate Reality or SSCR which has become: America! Might not be in their best interest or that of the our Corporate Over-LordS or COLS!
M: But what has that to do with earning a living and paying your bills?
D: Everything! It has to do with the before mentioned Corporate Cash or CC which allows us to stay on silent radio!
M: And thus the FNA concerning the FAKE NEWS ALERT!
J: You seem to be getting it SASMO…
M: That’s Mark please!
J: Whatever! So? You just moseyed on up to Amazon.com, asked for an application, and stated rather calmly: “I’m here applying for the Whistle-Blower’s Position!” or WBP! Is that correct?
M: Doesn’t work that way I’m afraid!
D: Then how does it work?
M: In my case, I filled out an application at a Amazon.com hiring event, my pulse was checked to insure that I was actually alive, and hocus-pocus, I was led inside the Fulfillment Center and ordained a ‘Picker’ whatever the hell that means because at the time I had no idea!
J: So exactly, what’s a ‘Picker’ SASMO?
M: That’s Mark please!
J: Whatever!
D: So what’s a ‘Picker’?
M: Simply stated: a person; male or female of any race, creed, color or national identity not to mention gay, straight, lesbian or transgender identification’s welcome to come in and slave for the multinational brute: Amazon.com!
J: Please go on!
M: Anyway, a ‘Picker’ actually picks customer orders or Stupid Ass Scratching Stuff or SASS as it’s called at the FC which is then packed and sent off to a delightfully cheering public who just wants their Stupid Ass Scratching Stuff or SASS cheap, on time and undamaged!
D: Please go on SASMO!
M: That’s Mark please!
J: Whatever!
NSPB: Thrilling! And on and on it goes! Okay then! Any progress on the donations front?
D: And the tally? Jonathan, please!
ZERO!
INSIDE THEAMAZON!
BEZOS! BEZOS! BEZOS! All praise to TheBEZOS!
NSPB: Well that’s disappointing! And yet here we are! Once more for the record! All outta time! Jonathan and Drew!
J&D: Bye now!
* * *
To our cherished listeners out there hopefully believing that “our” ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’ which’s live yet pre-recorded formerly at The Spank the Monkey Café in the heart of downtown Seattle, Washington of the United States of Here’s Still Hoping for the Fifth Aeon to Finally Come and Save Us All Here or USHSHFAFCSUAH in: America which’s quickly Slipping Into Darkness or SID! Hopefully, we’ll be back next time! Who knows? Now listen! I’m Becka formerly known as Reject # 2 now known as the New Show Producer Becka or NSPB! I’m here in what’s entitled “Reject Square” where we’re now broadcasting live yet pre-recorded and so many thanks once again to “our” cherished listeners who are anticipating another Episode or E of ‘A Live Silent Radio Hour’! We’re so sorry that you have to live through these nasty “happenings” taking place daily here in America! I mean to say! Really SORRY! But I wish to thank all of you for tuning in once more while again leaving Any Semblance of Rational Thought or ASRT at the door as for the sake of TheBezos: How in the hell can you listen to silent radio? Never understood that one but hey folks! We’re back! (Inspirational Pause!) And please cherished “LISTENERS” return once again next time to hopefully Find-Out-the-Facts or FOFs concerning the nature and cause of our Collective Delusion or CD as we Tell Our Tale or TOT of Misery or M here in a land known as America! Please stay safe and always watch out for those Frenzied, Extremely Agitated Regrettables or FEAR “CAPITALISTS” who see their own reflection in the Mirrored Sunglasses or MSs of those who would Un-Naturally or UN ridicule our Blessed Way of Life here on Silent Radio or SR! And please! Make sure to thank TheBezos! And so I’m pretty certain! And Good Night Irene! Whoever “she” is? And hey Bezos! RESPECT US NOW: God dammit!
* * *
D: Jonathan?
J: Yes Drew?
D: That wasn’t very ex-cit-ing after all!
J: And what were you expecting Drew?
D: Something else!
J: SORRY!