“Speaking up” vs. “talking back”: what’s the difference?

Welcome to Lead With Inclusion! This weekly newsletter is a resource for EVERY professional. Whether you’re a manager ready to be a more inclusive leader, or an employee ready to be a DEI champion in your workplace, inclusive actions lead to inclusive outcomes. Leading with inclusion simply means starting with inclusive actions in everything you do. It means identifying the areas where bias is at work, and shifting mindsets to make change.?

If you’re not sure where to begin, start here.

What’s the difference between “speaking up” and “talking back?” And who gets to decide?

I think I can safely say that all working professionals - yes, every single one - would like to be able to come to work without having to worry about being harassed, having microaggressions hurled at them, being asked intrusive or offensive questions, or experiencing any form of identity-based harm. Yet despite the baseline understanding that no one should have to deal with these kinds of behaviors, some professionals tend to face additional hardship when they call it out, or in other words, when they make the decision to speak up about it.?

I often see this play out across lines of gender and racial differences. A woman speaks up about inequitable treatment? She’s emotional. If you’re Black and a woman? You’re just angry. And this dynamic affects men, too. For example, Black men who speak up about bias at work are often labeled as aggressive, insubordinate, or hard to work with.?

There’s a really interesting conversation gaining traction right now around what wisdom sounds like, and how society has taught us certain myths about whose voices are and aren’t worthy of being listened to (check out Samara Bay 's new book Permission to Speak as a great place to start). And this conversation is entirely related to what we’re talking about here. If we want to get to a place where professionals feel safe in speaking up about how they’re being treated at work, we’ve got to first look more closely at what kind of assumptions we’re making when employees do speak up, and what kinds of biases may be playing out in the way we respond (whether we’re aware of them or not). Here are some ideas to get you thinking:

Be An Inclusive Leader

For managers, one of the areas where I often see this issue at play is in performance management: performance improvement plans, disciplinary actions, performance reviews, and so on. Of course, these performance management strategies are a necessary part of creating a productive work environment, one where your employees are being supported in learning, growing, and showing up as their best selves. However, like any other aspect of our work, it’s important that we check in with ourselves to see where our own biases may be showing up in our decision-making.

Here’s an exercise for you as a leader: take a look at the last 50-100 disciplinary reports your team, department or company administered. As you’re reviewing these reports, look out for the words ‘insubordination,’ ‘challenges authority’ or ‘unprofessional.’ Then, make note of who these reports were directed toward. If any patterns emerge, what do you notice? Are there any similarities across lines of identity, like race, gender, sexuality or ability, for example? What about patterns around a particular geographic region or satellite office? This is a great opportunity to reflect on any biases your team may be holding - even if they’re doing so unintentionally. Keep this in mind next time you enter into a performance management conversation with an employee. Don’t let bias cloud your vision. Be open to listening to what your employee has to say, and don’t use their delivery as an excuse to dismiss the root cause of the issue.

Lead With Inclusion

It probably goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: documentation is everything. For professionals at all levels, if you’re experiencing bias or identity-based harm in the workplace, do your best to document these issues as they occur. This can be incredibly helpful in the event that it becomes necessary to escalate the issue to a manager, or to your HR representative. In addition to documentation, it can also be helpful to have a community of folks that you can trust: whether that’s coworkers, friends, mentors, family, or whatever works for you. There’s power in having a sounding board. Your community can support you by listening to and validating what you’re experiencing, or in some cases, they may also be able to help you develop your own self-awareness.

We all can benefit from a growth mindset. Regardless of how valid the concerns you’re raising may be, we can also take responsibility for our own actions. In fact - this is really the only part of our interpersonal reactions that we can control - ourselves. Maybe there was a different way that we could have expressed our grievance; maybe we weren’t showing up as our best selves at that moment. A big part of learning to navigate the challenges of speaking up at work is understanding yourself: your strengths, growth areas, needs, and working styles. And once you start to gain a better understanding of yourself, this can help you better understand the strengths, needs and styles of your other team members, too.

Working as a member of a team can be incredibly challenging - especially when it comes to difficult conversations about bias and identity. Did you know that Unconscious Inclusion? was designed with teams in mind? You and your whole team can enroll in the course together, where you’ll have tons of opportunities to put the DEI concepts you’re learning into practice in real time. Learn more and sign your team up here.

About Stacey Gordon:

Stacey Gordon is Executive Advisor and Founder of Rework Work where she and her team coach and counsel executive leaders on DEI strategies for the business, while offering a no-nonsense approach to unconscious bias education for the broader employee population. As a global keynote speaker, Stacey is a Top Voice on LinkedIn and a popular LinkedIn Learning [IN]structor with nearly two million unique learners enjoying her courses.?

Want to hear Stacey live? Consider booking her for your next keynote or workshop.