Speaking Up

The year is 2017.?

I'm managing a multi-country health program across West and Central Africa, which includes training of community members and health workers on how to use a mobile app for disease reporting.?

I'm currently in Chad for one of our implementation kickoffs and it is anything but easy (I wrote about the experience in Letter 3 and how "everything that could go wrong did go wrong" in Chad).

Somewhere along the stress line, a conflict arises between a team member and I. Now, this woman is a great public health professional and highly recommended to be included in the team.?

I'm extremely excited to work with her and surprised when I find us in the middle of a conflict during our implementation period in Chad (especially since I'm usually serving as the mediator to help my team resolve conflicts).?

What kind of thing is this?

One day, we have a really bad disagreement (while in the thick of financial and logistics challenges) and as a result, both of us agree that it's better she leaves the team.

The next thing I do is call my manager, inform her of the situation and let her know the lady will be departing the team.

My manager advises we sit down and talk before making a final decision. Both of us don't see ourselves changing our minds however we oblige, out of respect for my manager.?

So, we meet in the evening and have the 'uncomfortable conversation'.?

Thank goodness we do.?

We lay everything out. Our challenges, concerns, misconceptions about one another (we have several), and more. Some tears are even shed in the process. We spend 2+ hours being transparent and vulnerable.

Outcome: at the end of the conversation, we understand each other better, feel more bonded to one another and have renewed commitment to work as a team to achieve our project objectives. We end up having a successful implementation in Chad and remain great friends to date :)

Lessons I Learned:

1. Conflict Will Arise In Relationships. In family, work and community-based relationships. Anticipate it and don't be too surprised when it happens. We're imperfect humans with varying backgrounds, experiences and perspectives. We're not always going to see eye to eye. It's naive to think that one will never experience conflict in a relationship. Conflict provides opportunity for us to address differences and issues that need resolving.?

2. Uncomfortable Conversations Lead To Progress. Growth and progress is not always pretty (they don't call it 'growing pains' for nothing). Sometimes, growth opportunities present themselves as challenges, conflicts, and uncomfortable situations. For continued growth and sustainability of long-term relationships built on trust, I have to be willing to have uncomfortable conversations when necessary. This isn't easy for me. Sometimes, I'd rather play the avoidance game. Truth? That's a cop out. And not beneficial in the long-run. It was our willingness to have the uncomfortable conversation in Chad that saved my relationship, and friendship, with Huguette Diakabana . Thank God we put our discomfort and egos aside to do it.

3. Speak Up To Save Relationships. The friendship Huguette and I have today is hugely credited to my manager at the time, Anu Parvatiyar (I wrote about one of several experiences I had with Anu in Letter 2). If Anu hadn't advised us to have that uncomfortable conversation, we wouldn't have the relationship we do today. That experience reinforced the lesson to me that when I see a relationship going through conflict and I believe it is worth salvaging, I should speak up and assist to mediate where I can. It helps.

We live and we learn.

Until the next story.

Nwanyibuife Adaeze Ugwoeje

#Conflict #Speak #UncomfortableConversations #TeamWork