Speaking with Confidence in High-Stakes Conversations

You’re in a big meeting with a potential client. You’ve prepared for days, rehearsed your key points, and know your value. But as soon as you start speaking, your voice feels weaker than usual. Your heart races, and your mind scrambles to keep up. The client’s expression is neutral—are they engaged or just waiting for you to finish? You start over-explaining, filling the silence with unnecessary details, and by the time you finish, you realize you never quite landed your key message the way you intended.

Sound familiar?

Have you ever walked away from a high-stakes conversation wishing you had spoken more confidently (or maybe spoken less)? Maybe your voice wavered, your mind went blank, or you second-guessed yourself mid-sentence. If so, you’re not alone.

Many professionals assume that confidence comes from more knowledge, but science tells us otherwise—it’s about perception and physiological control. If you struggle to project confidence under pressure, it’s not because you lack expertise. It’s because your brain is momentarily misfiring.

Confidence Is a Nervous System Issue, Not a Knowledge Issue

When you enter an important conversation—whether it’s a salary negotiation, a pitch, or a leadership meeting—your body often reacts as if you’re in physical danger. This is the work of your sympathetic nervous system, which triggers a fight-or-flight response.

The result? Your breathing becomes shallow, your thoughts scramble, and your voice may even betray you. This reaction has nothing to do with how prepared you are and everything to do with how your body interprets social risk.

Your Brain Is Wired to Avoid Social Risk—Here’s How to Override It

Neuroscience shows that the brain processes social pain—like rejection or embarrassment—in the same way it processes physical pain. This means that your brain treats it as a potential threat when you're about to ask for a promotion, push back on a client’s request, or share a bold idea.

So how do you override this?

1. Reframe the threat – Instead of fearing rejection, shift your focus to curiosity. Think: “What can I learn from this interaction?” rather than “What if I mess up?”
2. Use mirroring and labeling – When you reflect back what the other person is saying, it signals that you’re engaged and gives you time to collect your thoughts. About every fourth statement out of your mouth should be a label.
3. Slow your pace – A rushed response makes you sound uncertain. Taking a beat to pause can make you appear more authoritative and composed.

The Science-Backed ‘Pre-Game Ritual’ That Instantly Boosts Confidence

Before stepping into a critical conversation, try this quick neuroscience-backed routine:

1. Breathe deep – A slow inhale for four seconds, hold for four, then exhale for six. This resets your nervous system.
2. Adopt a power posture – Stand or sit with an open posture to signal confidence to your brain.
3. Self-label – Tell yourself, “I am calm and prepared.” Studies show this simple act shifts your mindset.

A Simple Shift to Speak with Authority—Without Sounding Arrogant

One reason people sound unsure? Hesitant language. If you find yourself saying things like:

“I think this might work.”

“I feel like we should…”

“Does that make sense?”

Swap those out for certainty-driven phrasing:

“This approach will work because…”

“Here’s the best way forward.”

“What are your thoughts?” (This engages without undermining your statement.)

Confidence Is a Skill—You Can Train It

Most people believe confidence is something you either have or you don’t. The truth? It’s a skill. And just like any skill, you can develop it with the right techniques and practice.