Speaker Seemed Nervous: The One Where My Social Anxiety Was In Spotlight

"Speaker seemed nervous."

I've gotten lots of feedback in my years teaching audiences about LinkedIn.

I've been a content creator since 2016 and during that time, have heard every compliment and criticism under the sun.

So, when I saw this one comment hit my inbox as anonymous audience feedback, I was surprised to find myself breaking down into sobbing tears.

My reaction startled me, why, of all things that people have said about me, did this one hit me the hardest?

Then, I realized that it had uncovered my deepest fear...people seeing my anxiety on the outside.

In my 20s, I had my first anxiety attack in a lecture hall at school.

I rushed out of the room and crouched in a fetal position for hours in a washroom stall until I was able to get a ride home.

That day changed me.

I became so worried that people would see me anxious like that that I hid.

I stopped leaving my house.

I made myself as small as I possibly could.

"As long as people don't see my nerves, I'm safe."

Even after my Agoraphobia released its grip, it was a lie that I carried with me long afterward.

I became a performer because maybe if I was an exaggerated version of myself, people wouldn't notice my social anxiety.

Maybe if I grew my hair long enough, it would cover the hives when I speak.

If I wore sparkles and bright colours, they wouldn't notice the sweat dripping off me as I did things that were super freaking hard for me but that I loved.

But this comment, it meant that the jig was up.

I was exposed.

The mask that I had worn well for years had slipped.

And yet, as I sat there, feeling the sting of vulnerability in a public arena, a deeper understanding began to dawn on me.

I was OK.

I looked around me.

My dogs were snoring by my feet.

The dishwasher hummed.

The world hadn't imploded. I was still here.

I dug up the photos from the event, and smiled.

I did look nervous...because I was nervous.

It's been four long years since I've spoken in person because of the pandemic and having a baby.

I also see somebody that felt the fear and did it anyway.

The talk got easier as I got more comfortable back on that stage, and I will be back to my confident self the more that I get back out there.

This whole experience, raw and revealing, has taught me a valuable lesson: growth often comes from discomfort.

This comment and this photo, rather than being something that I want to erase, actually makes me pretty damn proud of how far I've come.

So yes, the speaker seemed nervous.

But that speaker also stood up, spoke up, and didn't give up. It's not the absence of fear that defines courage, but the determination to move forward despite it.

See you at the next event, I'll be gunning for top rated! ??

If this one resonated with you, I would love if you'd share it with your LinkedIn connections and spread the message!

Love and coffee, Mick