The Speakeasy - How to win any "argument"!

Hi, it's me, Al. Welcome to this issue of The Speakeasy, the only newsletter on the internet that… you can use to stop a bank robbery.

Sort of.

When you see the words ‘on-screen negotiator’ what do you think of? Is it a movie cop with a megaphone at a bank heist?

'Come out with your hands up!’

‘No!’

‘OK, come out with hands stretched to the side?’

‘Still no!’

‘How about with your hands on your hips?’ (cop starts singing) ‘Now it’s just a jump to the left… and a step to the right. Keep your hands where they are, now bring your knees in tiiiiight.’

‘Oooh. That sounds like fun! Here I come.’

If only…

What I actually mean by on-screen negotiating, of course, is the power to handle disputes, objections and arguments via your computer screen. It’s tricky enough to bridge the gap between two opposing ideas in real life. When you’re separated by a screen, that gap gets even bigger.?

Meme of the week

It’s no different in an online work environment. Disputes over email or work chats only contain the bones of an argument. They’re like two skeletons fighting over lipstick. Even if somebody wins, nobody wins.?

You need to ‘flesh’ it out. Your argument needs a body. It needs heart! And the BEST WAY to do this, the first rule, if you really want to engage meaningfully or handle objections, is TO TURN YOUR CAMERA ON.

By doing this you bring non-verbal communication back into the picture, literally. Non verbal language is paramount to successful communication and dispute resolution. Let’s look at three important factors in maximising your non-verbal communication.?

1. Put your hands up!

The clue is in the name. When handling objections, you want to bring your hands to the party. When we talk, if our hands are visible and active in the conversation it makes us more believable. Hands also help with word retrieval and sentence reconstruction. I like to think of Tom Cruise in Minority Report. You know that scene where he’s standing in front of the giant screen? He waves his hands around to move pieces of information – bringing some into focus, enlarging, swiping others away.

1. Frame yourself

When it comes to handling objections on screen, you want to frame yourself so that there is enough room around your face to allow your non-verbal cues to become part of the conversation. Don’t zoom too far out though. If you’re too small in the picture, some of your more subtle facial cues may go unnoticed. The best framing is what they call a? "medium-closeup" shot in cinematography. It’s a good balance of FACE + HANDS.?

Here’s one of my LinkedIn videos for a visual reference of how to frame yourself correctly with your webcam. Always use this shot when negotiating!

1. Manage your tone

Next week, I will discussing and demoing how you should sound with your voice when handling objections!

4 more tips to handling objections online

• Stand and deliver. It allows more oxygen into your system, drops the cortisol (stress) levels, and makes you feel, and seem, more alive and present. It also brings your all-important hands up from your desk, and into play.?
• Notice your audience / challenger’s non-verbal cues too. Look at their body language (if you can). Are they tense? Do they look wound up? By noticing what state your challenger is in, you can purposefully move the mood of the conversation to a state where it’s more productive.
• Ask questions! You want to understand what is truly at stake here. The goal is not to simply win, it is to find common ground and move forward. Often by asking questions, you’ll also discover the emotions of your challenger and why they feel so hotly about it. Questions also make your challenger re-evaluate their point of view from another perspective.
• Explain, don't defend! Avoid using confrontational language that makes you sound defensive. Instead try to explain your point of view as if you were teaching a class on it. A class of adults, though. You don’t want to sound condescending either.

1 exercise to practice this week

Practise your position before going into ‘battle’. Debaters do this all the time. Prepare some questions AGAINST your point of view and try to explain (remember, don’t defend) why they may not work. Pay attention to your tone and remember the energy you exude. RECORD yourself doing this and play it back. You will see how you’re coming across in an argument. This has worked wonders for me in the past.

In case you missed it…

This week’s top posts on LinkedIn. If you haven’t seen them yet, go check them out and please let me know what you think! I love hearing your comments and learning about the particular challenges you’re facing when it comes to speaking confidently in your workplace.

How to win an argument and not lose the ‘war’

https://www.dhirubhai.net/posts/alistairbdavis_bestadvice-communication-communication-activity-6937046152483586048-xok7?utm_source=linkedin_share&utm_medium=member_desktop_web

Super practical tips that you can employ RIGHT away to improve your conflict resolution online

https://www.dhirubhai.net/posts/alistairbdavis_bestadvice-sales-communication-activity-6937398365148049408-FyQl?utm_source=linkedin_share&utm_medium=member_desktop_web?

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