Speak to Yourself Like Your Best Friend

What this weekly newsletter is all about: Analyzing, discussing, and prescribing best practices for families in both education and youth sports. Please follow, share, or comment. Thank you!

Newsletter content:

1. Overview;
2. Article of the week;
3. Podcast of the week;
4. Video of the week;
5. Exercise of the week

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Overview--> The importance of positive self talk has been well documented, especially as we have up to 60,000 thoughts a day. Anecdotally we have all felt what it is like to spiral and enter the negative cycle of self blame, shame, and recrimination.

Although schools have begun to implement SEL (social and emotional learning) practices into their overall student support system, there seems to be a disconnect between telling young people to speak positively to themselves and actually teaching them how to do so. Some great early educators make this a point of emphasis in their classes or in organic learning moments, but secondary schools should also have classes that teach students to identify negative talk and then reframe those thoughts.

The relationship between sports and positive self talk is well established. Whether through visualization or pumping one self up, athletes know that it is easier to perform well if they exchange self doubt for confidence. Many athletes have mantras that they return to in order to make it more likely that they will be able to reach "the zone". There is a reason that NHL players wear suits to games. The ritual of a pre-game meal, nap, and then dressing up before traveling to the arena prepares them mentally as much as they have prepared physically in the days prior.

Even if you believe that the emphasis on positive self talk is overdone, the results indicate that optimists do live longer:

"scientists were able to show that the most optimistic women (top 25%) lived an average of 14.9% longer than their more pessimistic peers. For the men the results were a bit less dramatic: The most optimistic of the bunch lived 10.9% longer than their peers, on average, the team reports today in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. The most optimistic women were also 1.5 times more likely to reach 85 years old than the least optimistic women, whereas the most optimistic men were 1.7 times more likely to make it to that age."

So that has to count for something, right??

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Article of the week--> "How to Teach Kids to Engage in Positive Self-Talk" by @SherriMGordon.

Gordon identifies a key aspect of this exercise that many people neglect. Feeling down, or guilty, or regretful is not an inherently negative experience; it can actually help us identify what and who we want to be, and provide motivation. What is important is avoiding the loop of negativity that is not productive.

"While it is still important to recognize negative thoughts and feelings and not attempt to erase them, they also can learn how to reframe their thinking and focus on their strengths or the lessons they have learned from the challenges."

Gordon connects early emphasis on positive self talk to growth of resilience for young people. Learning to navigate difficult times using grit might be the most important lesson we impart to young people.

"When parents teach their kids self-talk from an early age, they are not only empowering their kids but also building their resiliency as well. Kids learn that they do not have to let setbacks and challenges derail their goals or dreams. They also begin to understand that what they have to offer the world is a positive—that they are unique with a set of strengths that they can draw on in hard times."

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Podcast of the week--> "Why the Voice Inside Your Head Can Sound Like a Jerk" Plain English with Derek Thompson

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Video of the week--> "Sports Players use self talk", by @thinkSRSD.

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Exercise of the week-->

1. Try to gauge your thoughts throughout the day.
2. Are they mostly negative or positive?
3. If they are negative, step back and try to identify a connection between the discrete thoughts, or some common theme to the overall vibe. (This is called mindfulness).
4. When those same thoughts crop up again, try to step away from them and analyze why they continue to appear. Do not judge yourself for experiencing negative thoughts, we all have them.
5. Reframe the negative thoughts with a more positive spin. So instead of "I can't mess up here." you can say, "I am prepared for success on this ___, because of ___." (play, test, work presentation, etc). Or replace "I am so stupid." with "I will learn from that mistake."
6. Repeat, with the acknowledgement that this is a life-long exercise. Thoughts never go away, and we would not want them to! As the podcast above talks about, being able to return to mistakes and think about how we could have done better, or to project ourselves into future situations, is a superpower unique to human beings.
7. Finally, remember that thoughts are fleeting and only hold the power that we give to them. Use them to help us, not to build a mental jail cell of worry and regret.

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See you next week!