Speak Your Mind Without Making Others Wrong.

"Would you rather be right or free?" ~Byron Katie

Do you have the freedom to say what you really feel? Do you share your true thoughts and ideas, or do you struggle to avoid hurting, disappointing, or angering others?

It can be easier to try to meet others' expectations and avoid conflict . We may even believe we are making someone happy by not speaking our truth. What's the cost? Slowly giving up fragments of who we genuinely are: our authentic self.

The social mask forms the moment we're born and we hear our first words. We learn to please, meet expectations, and avoid sharing our feelings, which can turn into a lifelong struggle to be good enough, know enough, and have enough.

We long to be seen and heard for who we are unconditionally, but we find ourselves on the path of conditional love, seeking the approval and appreciation from others that we eventually discover must come from within.

Doing this does not mean we accept or absolve responsibility for all manner of words and behavior. It just means that we stop blaming and judging someone else and consider that they're doing their best from their own state of consciousness.

The constructive or destructive choices they make form their learning and experiences, and can only be 100% their responsibility.

We may have the best of intentions with our criticism and judgment, and we might find ways to punish, yell, impose, demand and justify them as the "right way," but love does not condemn.

When we're coming from a place of love, we share, teach and role model in a space of curiosity, compassion and understanding.

How do you communicate authentically from a judgement-free space so others will stay open to your thoughts? It may help to use these phrases:

• I notice that...
• Are you willing to...
• I'm curious about...
• Here's how I'm feeling, what are you feeling?
• Are you open to hearing my thoughts and feelings around this?
• Here's what I desire for our relationship... what do you want?
• Are you willing to listen to my point of view, even if it may not be the same as yours?
• I'm feeling disappointed or not okay with... because what's important to me is...
• I think/believe that...what do you think/believe?
• What exactly do you mean by...
• I just want to understand where you're coming from, can you say more about...?

You may want to avoid certain phrases that come across as criticism and judgement, as they may cause defensiveness and affect others ability to be authentic with you:

• You should...
• You never...
• You always...
• Why can't you get that...
• What's wrong with you?
• Why or how can you not see that...
• I'm so disappointed that you...
• How could you...?
• I can't believe you...
• You are so...

I've learned, that at times, I cannot be authentic because it will bring out someones ego (blaming, complaining, condemning), even if I share from a genuine place of love.

We have no control over where someone chooses to live on the spectrum of fear versus love, and must discern whether there's space to share - and what's better left unsaid. Se we don't step on other people's spiritual path.

Sometimes we may simply need to wish others well on their journey, creating a new space for both sides to reflect on what truly matters. This is also a loving choice.

And when you love without judgment, you won't need to be right because you'll be free.

"Out beyond ideas of right and wrong there is a field. I will meet you there." ~Rumi