Speak Up: How Your Workplace Can Thrive by Embracing Conflict

Conflict in the workplace is often ugly and uncomfortable, but it is also unavoidable. So, it’s in your best interest to make the most out of a contentious situation and come to a place of understanding. Big Leap has recently put such methods into practice in our senior leadership meetings.

Weeks after agreeing that, as a senior leadership team, we all needed to speak up, discuss, and call each other out, we met for our regular biweekly meeting. It quickly segued into a topic that many had differing opinions on. A bit hesitantly, members started to speak up and share their thoughts.?

This was a fairly new practice for us. Most of the time, one or two would speak up but the rest would remain quiet. We’d half-heartedly agree to the outcome and move on—with little fervor—no real buy-in and total lack of commitment.?

This time, healthy conflict was at a peak. We were sharing and discussing passionately. However, one member started behaving in a way that wasn’t conducive to trust. They seemed defensive. They pushed in ways that weren’t aligned with what we’d previously agreed upon.?

I could see that people were starting to shut down and retreat. I sat there for a second, thinking through all sides. I argued with myself on whether or not to call them out…after all, they were my superior. Finally, I mustered up the courage to speak up and push back.

I said, “It seems as if you’re getting defensive. The vibe is sort of shutting down the healthy conflict we all agreed to.” Their eyes got wide, their hands came up and they immediately apologized. There was a visible sigh of relief and the discussion continued on.

From that point, we’ve continued with healthy conflict. The fear we once had and the lack of trust that existed are gone. It’s been months and months now and our discussions, our ability to make decisions, our commitment and the way we hold each other accountable have all improved drastically. We’re the true definition of team.

Conflict Happens

The fact is, conflict in the workplace is unavoidable. A recent study found that?85% of employees ?(individual contributors and leaders) agreed they experience workplace conflict.?

But just because conflict is inevitable does not mean it has to be unpleasant. If you have the right skills and set proper expectations to properly manage conflict, you can encourage healthy outcomes.

Big Leap learned through practice the importance of healthy conflict. We’re now more bought in and committed to every decision we make. And now, we’d like to share some of that insight with you.

What Is Healthy Conflict in the Workplace?

Healthy conflict in the workplace is any instance of contentious interactions that are built on a foundation of trust and mutual respect. Instead of getting into an argument for the sake of proving oneself right, healthy conflicts are geared toward helping both parties come to an understanding of one another’s stance. Even better, healthy conflict helps us make better business decisions and achieve total commitment to a unified goal across leaders and teams.?

This type of conflict is the only conflict worth your time. Through it, everyone involved can feel empowered and encouraged to truly speak their mind while finding common ground.

Difference Between Healthy Conflict and Being a Jerk

Now, we know there will be some people who read this article and use it to excuse their poor conflict practices, claiming they’re just trying to inspire healthy conflict. To keep people from excusing their toxic behaviors, let’s quickly go over the difference between healthy conflict and just being a jerk:

Speeding Towards a Compromise

Many unhealthy conflict contributors claim to be “solution-oriented” and will try to accelerate conversations until a compromise is reached. This is because they see compromise as a “win-win” scenario. Don’t be fooled—compromise is never a “win-win.” ?Win-win scenarios do not exist.

Sure, this approach?may?lead people to get back to the task at hand, but it just avoids the discomfort of longer conflicts. Some conflicts require a lot of time and deliberation to settle.?

Speeding to a compromise will instead limit the number of creative solutions and will leave both sides of the conflict unsatisfied.?

Being Reactive or Defensive

Healthy conflict is interactive, not reactive. Some people will immediately jump to their defense when they feel they’re being targeted with a comment. Even if they seem to be in jest, these reactions erode trust and emit an awkward atmosphere.

Leveraging Seniority or Experience

Everyone is on the same playing field when it comes to healthy conflict. If an individual tries to leverage their seniority in the company as authority to have more say in the matter, they are not creating a harmonious environment. They’re just looking for a power trip.

Bullying

This one may seem obvious, but the signs are sometimes easy to miss. Intentional excluding someone or ignoring their presence are subtle ways workplace bullies sow unhealthy conflict. Additionally, repeatedly targeting an individual over conflicts that have already been resolved is not productive, you’re just being a jerk.

3 Signs Your Company Is Conflict Averse

You might be right if you don’t believe there is much unhealthy conflict in your workplace. Many companies don’t experience conflict at all. But that’s also a problem.

If your company seems to have virtually no conflict, that does not mean your employees are working in a utopia. Rather, that likely means your employees are too afraid to speak up—they are conflict-averse.

Want to know if this is the case with your conflict-free workplace? Here are three signs your company may be conflict-averse.

1. Employees deny issues exist:?When managers ask their employees for feedback, the employee often says they have nothing to say. This likely isn’t true, the employee is simply too afraid or uncomfortable to bring up the issue. Or, when the employee is faced with a specific issue, they try to downplay the effect it has on their work.?
2. Secret conversations:?Of course, employees who don’t vent to managers likely vent to their coworkers. Conflict-averse employees would rather have quiet conversations at their desks or on a private instant messaging service to voice their concerns. Unfortunately, while this may make the employees feel better, it does nothing to help the betterment of the company.
3. Infrequent outbursts:?Maybe you don’t see consistent conflict in the workplace, but there is the periodic outburst of aggression. This may be the result of “gunnysacking” — a funny word with serious meaning. Gunnysacking is a term used in psychology to describe the phenomenon of “bottling it up.” Instead of frequently addressing conflict, a conflict-averse person will silently seethe in anger, resenting those who wronged them. Eventually, that bottled-up resentment turns into an outburst.

The Pitfalls of Avoiding Conflict (Healthy or Otherwise)

If you’re reading this as a proudly conflict-averse person, you may not see much wrong with minimizing conflict in the workplace. But be warned, there are profound opportunities you miss out on when you don’t let conflict run its course:

• Contributes to lower retention:?Being conflict-averse is often another way to say you prefer the “flight” option in “fight or flight.” When employees aren’t willing to “fight” (or confront) their grievances, they’re much more likely to?move to another company ?entirely to continue to avoid the conflict.
• Causes growing resentment in the workforce:?As employees bottle up their anger towards things at work, it can turn into a festering resentment. This can lead to general disdain in the workplace and lower employee morale.
• Encourages fear-based decision-making:?When your teams are too afraid to confront one another, they’ll often make rash and uncalculated decisions based on fear. We shouldn’t have to tell you how bad of an influence fear can have on a business.
• Enables a growing divide between employees and managers:?If your managers don’t encourage employees to speak their minds, they could be missing out on some really important discussions. And when those discussions don’t happen, employees and managers can be more distant and closed-off from one another.

You have a lot to lose by avoiding conflict. But what do you have to gain from embracing it?

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