Speak Up to Bullies and Create a Culture of Allyship

Last week, as I put the finishing touches on my Center and Elevate Marginalized Voices training for my Step into Your Moxie? Certification, my daughter struggled to find and use her own voice with a classmate who has been acting like a bully toward her.

At first, I tried to teach her some of the strategies I’m teaching leaders and coaches in my Certification curriculum.

I explained the difference between “I” statements, which work well when confronting bias, and “You” statements, which work better when calling out bullying behavior – since those who bully thrive on eliciting an emotional response.

I offered her what I thought was a great “You” comeback.

“You are right [insert name of 2nd grader who’s breaking my daughter’s heart]. I am smart, and I am bookish. And when I grow up and own my own company, if you treat me better I’ll think about hiring you.”

My daughter gave me one of the looks that said, “Mom, I know you get paid to teach this stuff, and it may work with your clients, but I’m seven and I’m never going to say something that sassy.”

After, I got her a book that we agreed was a bit more appropriate. It’s called Stand Up for Yourself and Friends: Dealing with Bullies & Bossiness and Finding a Better Way.

We read it together, and I was pleasantly surprised that many of the strategies being recommended to her were the very same things I teach adults who are looking to cultivate allyship behavior in their clients and coworkers – only the lessons were much better received with pretty pictures and infographics.

Plus, there were some strategies designed with a young adult reader in mind that could also work with a more mature audience.

• Act surprised, i.e., I’m shocked that came out of your mouth.
• Use one word to start to get your voice out without agreeing or disagreeing, i.e., Wow.
• Act confused, i.e., That doesn’t make sense. Can you explain why you think that to me?

Or, my absolute favorite…

• Just say the person’s name with dramatic effect to express disapproval, i.e., Alexia!

While I’m passionate about developing Moxie facilitators who possess mastery in how to use role-play (and improv) to help the people they work with master all of the components of the Step into Your Moxie? vocal empowerment system, the part I’m personally most jazzed to train on is how to cultivate allyship behaviors in ourselves and others.

Allyship is the consistent practice of using your voice, power, and influence to address the needs of marginalized groups.

Allyship is intended to be a verb rather than a noun. Something we do – rather than an identity or fixed state we achieve.

And one of the cornerstones of allyship is calling in those who want to help (even when those folx are currently part of the problem), versus calling them out and keeping people fixed in bullying or oppressive behavior.

Here are some of the questions I ask my Step into Your Moxie? facilitators en route to their Certification that I want to offer you.

·?????What are 4-5 of the identity-related ideologies you learned growing up that you now see as inaccurate or harmful?

·?????What enabled you to evolve your consciousness and behavior – and how can you extend that same grace to others?

·?????How do you want to use your voice to facilitate inclusion, belonging, and ensure that the people you coach/train/manage/lead are prepared to speak up – especially when they are experiencing or witnessing injustices?

·?????And how can you use role-play (individually and as a coaching and training tool) so that you (and the people you support) develop the confidence and messaging required to speak up and move people to take action?

About Alexia Vernon

Dubbed a “Moxie Maven” by President Obama’s White House Office of Public Engagement for her unique and effective approach to communication and leadership development, Alexia Vernon is a sought-after advisor to executives, corporate teams, entrepreneurs, coaches, change agents, and emerging leaders who want to speak (and speak up) with an unshakeable presence, sell their ideas, navigate daring conversations, develop high performing teams, advance their thought leadership, and make a lasting positive social impact. Alexia has supported thousands of leaders, consultants, and speakers through her Step into Your Moxie? corporate offerings, online training, live events, mastermind programs, and her first-of-its-kind Step into Your Moxie? Certification Program on how to “speak up” and show clients and employees how to do the same.

Alexia has delivered transformational keynotes, coaching, and training for Fortune 500 companies, nonprofits, government and educational institutions, professional associations, the United Nations, and she is a TEDxWomen speaker. Alexia has contributed to media such as CNN, NBC, ABC, CBS, Entrepreneur.com, Forbes.com, Inc.com, European Business Review, and Women’s Health Magazine. Alexia is the author of multiple books including?Step into Your Moxie: Amplify Your Voice, Visibility, and Influence in the World?(New World Library and Penguin Random House Audio). She is also the creator of the popular LinkedIn Learning course,?Communicating to Drive People to Take Action.

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