This weekend I watched the movie, Glass Onion – A Knives Out Story. First, it was amazing to finally get a moment to sit down and enjoy a movie. So I was expecting two hours of enjoyable storytelling. It’s not a comedy, but still fun. More of a mystery novel – which I love – but who would think that deep thoughts would come from a movie.
At one point, Kate Hudson’s character, Birdie Jay, tells Daniel Craig’s character, Benoit Blanc, “I like to speak my mind”. It’s his response that was truly profound: “It’s a dangerous thing to say speaking what you think is the same as speaking without thought.”
Wow! 007’s got some brains; he’s not just a pretty face.
It’s so true and makes you think. I’m an honest person. I’m direct with my feedback. However, there’s a difference between being straightforward and being rude or plain cruel. It got me thinking about who I used to be and who I am today. So how has my communication style changed over the years and how can you speak your mind and still speak with thought?
- In 2019, I read the book, Everybody Communicates, But Few Connect, by John Maxwell. Definitely a must read for any leader out there. It discusses understanding and perspective when speaking, and the power of the unsaid vs. the said. There are times when your thoughts are not needed, when you don’t know the impact they may have on an individual, and what that individual is experiencing that day. So think twice. What value will my thoughts in this situation provide? Are they going to change anything? If it’s you just venting, versus actually adding value to a conversation, perspective, or change – think twice.
- Three years ago we implemented the practice of The Collaborative Way principles at IT By Design. This training focuses on how to better communicate and build a culture that fosters supporting one another. In this practice, we talk about “speaking straight” which allows us to have the “honest” conversation, but it does not allow you to throw your – for lack of a better word – “garbage” on people. It’s a technique and culture practice that we all implement today. If there is a greater good, or “up to” to the conversation, we need to have it, but how we communicate is key.
- Everyone who knows me knows that I love Buddhas. It is an auspicious thing to be gifted a Buddha by a well-wisher and I think they bring positive energy to a home. For Me, Buddha symbolizes a truer purpose. One of the most famous Buddha wisdoms says: “if you propose to speak always ask yourself: Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?” We use this saying in our home and with our children all the time. It’s become our benchmark and has incited more than a number of arguments.
- I no longer react to situations, I respond. When I get an email that I don’t like, or something happens in the day, I retreat a little and reflect. First, emails are terrible forms of communication for bad news – better to pick up the phone, please. Second, I think about the other person’s perspective; what role, if any, did I have in this outcome? And finally, I try to ensure the email/response is positive and communicated with kindness and respect.
I know I speak fast — for those of you who have heard me. But over time, I have worked diligently to ensure that speaking quickly, and being direct, is complimented with being thoughtful and kind. It wasn’t easy and doesn’t happen overnight. It’s taken me years, but people notice the change. Don’t get me wrong, difficult conversations have to happen. But it’s how we convey the message, the tone of voice we use, and the intent or “up to” which will result that’s key. So listen to 007! Remember to think before you speak and become a student of effective, direct communication to help you foster better relationships while still allowing yourself to be heard.
