To Speak or not to Speak?

I’m a reflector. Always have been. Shifting your mindset from rumination to reflection exemplifies a growth mindset. One way I do this is through journaling like I have a column in a Sunday newspaper supplement…maybe one day I will. Some of it I share, but most of it I keep to myself. Learning from experiences and challenges is critical to recognising we are fallible but ultimately mouldable.

Recently I have really pushed my comfort zone by stepping up to the cold face of a number of high-profile external events and platforms, such NYC Climate Week last month, a Climate Change Summit in Romania last week and the game-changer being standing for Parliament earlier in the year. Pushing imposter syndrome to one side and realising all the hard work I have put in to support others to take on such roles over my career and set me up to step into these lofty shoes and operate at a whole different level.

Preparing for these big moments is like training for a marathon for your mind, body and soul. In the run up I lean into my healthy habits - prioritising sleep, meditation and exercise, limiting alcohol and unhealthy food, getting ultra-organised, spending time alone to charge up and also with some select friends who when I am with, derive energy.

Whilst I was in Romania, a fellow speaker asked me if I did much public speaking, and I realised that even though I tout to not enjoy it - yes, I do seem to end up doing it more than most. And after each ‘performance’, even if I have not done what I deem to be my best, I always have a sense of elation and recognition of pushing myself out of my comfort zone and am proud of myself. A lightbulb flashed in that consequential conversation; that public speaking is easier when fully immersed in your work persona and ‘anonymous’ to the audience….and the hardest public speaking I have ever done has been in my local churches in front of my family, friends and local community (including some climate change deniers and misogynists) during the recent UK General Election. Being the only female candidate, along with my confusing heritage and fluctuating socio-economic status, in a personally discomfortable setting; churches are not my usual haunt. Knowing full well I wasn’t going to win but standing out of principle, putting my (paid) career on hold, and creating my own success measures. Such as recognising the value of my contribution to the collective and unique role in helping shift systems and mindsets, whilst keeping my cool.

Highlights of this exposing experience included public misogyny where I was interrupted by a white male older candidate whilst attempting to talk about women’s rights, oh the irony. Being told what to do, and not to do, by a right-wing advocate attempting to put me in a box. And the piece de resistance; being told (by a woman) I was not qualified to stand for Parliament for multiple reasons….and that I was doing working women a disservice by prioritising my mental and physical health over burnout….Wow. Sisterhood eh?! Putting yourself up for public scrutiny is character building but also pretty horrible. How far one negative comment can knock you back but ultimately you can’t be everyone’s cup of tea. People pleasing is a losing game, especially when you forgo your privacy and allow others’ insecurities in.

One way I handled these nerve-racking oratories was to take inspiration from musical legends, in particular from the ‘coming of age’ era of the average voter in my local area. Below is the raw footage of the reality of putting myself up to public criticism for my principles.

And the next time you get asked to do something similar, just imagine a better world where we don’t have to work 9-5 or be ruled by money….it will make more sense if you watch my three Parliamentary hustings' opening statements...

1. Andover Hustings
2. Whitchurch Hustings
3. Tadley Hustings