Spaces In-between: #62

He stood there feeling like an idiot. Now knowing that he would never be the same. His heart was racing as he looked over the small gathered crowd, all eyes on him. Feeling helpless, not knowing how to escape from this awkwardness. After gathering himself and what remained of his self-respect he quickly gathered his belongings and walked quickly away, in hopes that this would soon be forgotten. For tomorrow had promise of a duller ache than what he felt in this moment. Just needing to soothe his ego, he would never see these people again in his life.

Such is the anxiety of trauma. A type of ego suffering that weaves itself into one's very nervous system. Attaching to the body and memories like a demon. For the ego will always suffer at the hands of what it has created. One wanders through life not truly certain why decisions are made. Choices made are simply influenced by the aura of what has been repressed. Healing therefore is a matter of intention. One must learn to abide in their darkness as much as they desire to abide in their radiances, in order to bring new wounds to the surface, while striking on older ones to arise into the light. It must be routine for those who desire to thrive into the fulfillment of destinies. The profound truth is that one will release themselves into depths unknown the very moment they begin removing the weights of the unhealed.