The Source of Our Stress: Our Wants and Desires

No. 6 — 2024/12

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My Dear Friends,

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This time our bulletin kicks off thanks to last week’s inspiring comment by Müge Ay?e.

Understanding people is truly an art. Think about how for centuries, thinkers, artists and scientists have been trying to solve the mysteries of our very existence. Yet at the centre of everything lies the thin line between human beings’ basic needs, juxtaposed with their endless wants / desires.

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Needs are indispensable for our survival and health. They are something fundamental that we all have in common, regardless of culture, historic period or geography.

But wants / desires ... now that’s a different world, the realm of dreams and goals that you may imagine enrich your life, but are not necessary for survival. On the positive side, wants / desires motivate us and keep our dreams alive. On the other hand, these wants / desires can lead us into dead ends, or worse. Desires are always in flux; they pressure us according to our individual narrative, the fickle fluxes of society and our surroundings, and even economic trends.

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So, when do wants and desires turn into pain?

Our basic needs are simple: to survive, and to feel safe. These are the solid foundations that make us who we are. But as a species, with our advanced brains, we humans have gone beyond the point of mere survival. Thanks to our capacity for abstract thinking, generating big dreams, and our ability to plan for the future, we have developed complex desires beyond our basic needs.

So far, so good. But the modern world drags us into a minefield of complication. New, bogus layers are constantly being piled onto these basic needs. We are creating a world full of imitations, fake norms and standards that distance us from who we really are as humans. In the meantime, of course, we must also take on board certain reasonable and meaningful additional needs of the age. For example, we should include access to the internet, electricity, clean water and reasonable transportation as basic contemporary needs, but let’s not forget to add ‘…without exaggerating’.

We believe so much in the slogan “More is Better” that we forget what is genuinely important to us. And in the pursuit of these false desires, we face anxiety, stress, and burnout. We are crushed under the burden of goals that do not belong to us.

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Research shows that?people who pursue consumption-oriented desires and goals often experience higher levels of anxiety, depression, and unhappiness in their relationships. The truth is, these kinds of desires don't make us happy at all.

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So let’s think about this together: What do we really need? How can we fill our lives with things that nourish and give us meaning, instead of false desires? Maybe what we need is not more stuff, but more that is of our essence...

OK, So What Should We Do?

The modern world grants people an excess of opportunities, as well as pointless burdens. As a solution we might consider steps like simplifying life; establishing our own norms and values; experiencing their essence; and not heeding the comparisons and scrutiny of the outside world.

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Here are some of my suggestions…

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1.??? Adopt a Minimalist Approach:

• Focus on what you truly need. If you already have most of your needs, acknowledge this fact and improve your sense of fulfilment.
• Avoid unnecessary, pretentious, phoney desires and norms.?
• Reduce time spent on social media platforms that encourage comparisons, and focus on meaningful connections instead.

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2.??? Determine Your Own Values and Avoid Comparisons:

• Redefine success in terms of your own consciously formed values, passions, meaningful relationships and experiences, rather than material possessions or societal expectations.
• Take inspiration from the practice of “Non-Attachment” found in philosophies such as Buddhism, and learn to let go of desires that do not bring you peace.
• Helping others can help you let go of personal insecurities and develop a sense of purpose.
• Focus on your own progress rather than comparing yourself to others.

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3.??? Focus on Your Psychological Needs:

?The LifeCo’s?mental health programs?benefit from the field of Schema Therapyaccording to which every person has universal basic psychological and emotional needs such as love, respect, trust, justice and freedom that need to be satisfied throughout their lives. You too should be aware of these fundamental psychological needs, and make an effort to meet them. However, I would add the small piece of advice that you should avoid creating your own versions of these terminologies, only then to get crushed under them.

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