Soul Love vs Carnal Ravaging

I remember when Black men actually loved Black women. I remember when Black women truly loved each other as sisters. I remember when Black men were fierce defenders, protectors and lovers of the Black family.?

All of that has been emotionally, psychologically and mentally beaten out of us. Desegregation and decolonization comes at a price wielded by the patriarchy. We with hearts of purity and light willingly believed that he would keep his word. Only for him to mass manipulate us all into hating each other so that he has less work (aka narcissism). Now we feed off of each other and start by going for the jugular then smashing the heart (aka crabs in a barrel). I watch the arguments between Black men and women online and I cry. I see my Black brothers and sisters side eye me with my talk of love and multiorgasmic sex and see that they have no knowledge from our ancestors. They hear me with impure hearts of distorted and deranged warriors (aka cPTSD). Their hearts are so damaged and disconnected from their bodies as well as pure knowledge and misinterpret my words as those of a whore. On a deeper level, I observe the same in my Black sisters who are distorted versions of themselves with deep distrust, self judgment, rage and pain. I speak and you can’t hear the message that I am actually conveying.?

So in this month celebrating Black history and love, I ask you to listen and read my words with the remnants of the heart you have left.?

Mindlessness is the Real Issue: Let’s Make Distinctions

There is sex. And then there is great sex.

There is being orgasmic. And then there is being multi-orgasmic.

Everyone who has sex is not having great sex.

Everyone who has an orgasm may not have more than one.

Most women do not have orgasms. Not even one.

Most men don’t know that they can have more than one orgasm.

Most people don’t know that sex is sacred.

Most people don’t know that when you reach orgasm that is a form of enlightenment.

My call is back to soul love.

However, the leftovers from slavery and colonization is that sex was used as a weapon in the “workplace”. Women and men were raped as a form of control. Sex was also used transactionally. Plantations were run by corporations. They kept meticulous records of methods of control which included distorting ancestral practices using body wisdom. These methods were created to “dis-embody” us…all of us (that means white people too.) If the overseers were disembodied they could implement acts of cruelty beyond comprehension. And not much has changed. They have been seamlessly integrated into the current corporate structure only masked with “protective employee laws and rights”. A few years ago I did a talk about Black women and sexuality in the workplace. The statistics are shocking how many Black women are molested at work yet don’t report for fear of losing their job because they are also usually the sole breadwinners or actual head of household.?

Pause with that thought for a moment.

That is carnal ravaging.

Ironically to most people talking about sex at work is taboo although most people have sex at work or are sexually harassing someone or being sexually harassed. When you feel unprotected, undervalued (paid less), and unloved (IRL and virtually), you lose hope and mindlessly attempt to satiate your broken heart. Sex then becomes a mindless activity just like everything else you do:

Eating

Drinking

Driving

Taking prescription drugs

Taking illegal drugs

Shopping for hours

Partying

Exercising

It’s Really Medicine

Everything I listed above can be a medicine or healing for your soul and physical existence with the distinction that presence brings to life. Let’s look at how all of these activities can be medicinal. You may recall some of? this from my 13 Days of Multi-Orgasmic Aging series.

Eating: Food is a necessity. It is a requirement to live.?

As medicine: There are certain dosages of minerals and vitamins that the body needs.?

Reflect: When we choose food selectively, beyond organic/ non-organic, according to your own body type, you can live well. But do you know your body type? Or even the foods with which your body operates optimally?

Drinking: Your body requires hydration. Alcohol? and carbonated beverages(derivative of the cash crop sugar), coffee and tea (other cash crops) dehydrate the body in larger quantities.?

As medicine: However, smaller doses of alcohol using it to create a tincture can heal the body. Herbal tea and small quantities of coffee can also be used as medicine.

Reflect: Do you ever use tinctures? Or do you know how to make them or what they are? Do you drink loose leaf “tea” and flowers to heal your body? Did you even know that is a possibility and has no side effects?

Driving - Driving is a form of transportation.

Medicine: You can be transported to another world when you select the road to drive down.?

Reflect: Where is that place for you?

Prescription drugs - Recklessly prescribed medication can also destroy the body. It can also reduce or eliminate sensation in the body.?

As medicine: Again in the prescribed dosages with awareness of contraindications, can heal and repair the body.

Reflect: Do you experience numbness? Is your body to the point of toxicity? How many pills are you popping and why? Is there an alternative?

Illegal drugs - Capitalism is what made them illegal. Because when people are separated from your culture and disembodied from your bodies, you easily accept fear, worry and doubt. Creating doubt in “traditional” ways and methods that have worked for eons is how we, humans, welcomed slavery, greed, things over wisdom and the love of people.

As medicine: Most of the drugs known as “illegal” are the original “medicines” of aboriginal peoples across the globe and for centuries up until the eighteenth century used in harmony with allopathic medicine.

Reflect: Do you know what your body requires? Or do you refuse to feel the aches and pains, also known as alerts to change behaviors and other inputs (food, etc.) for the body?

Shopping for hours - Mindlessly escaping to malls, boutiques, online stores and other market places is the ultimate act of disembodiment. Ingrained consumerism has replaced human connection.

Medicine: And once upon a time, market places were social places bustling with real human care and interaction.

Partying - True sisterhoods and brotherhoods existed until the Civil Rights movement ended in the death and destruction of the Black family. Decolonization gave birth to “divide and conquer” through economic infrastructure that to this day still benefits the Colonizers to the detriment of all humans.

Medicine: These used to be known as ceremonies. Celebrating the sunrise, the sunset, planting, harvesting all cause for celebration. Humans used to have initiation into womanhood, manhood, birth, death and all the other opportunities to celebrate your life in community.?

Reflect: What have you planted today? What are you harvesting today? Yes, those two things happen everyday? Do you celebrate your day in every possible moment?

Exercising - Walking, horseback riding used to be the main form of transportation. Now we sit for hours causing our bodies to seize multiple functions. We are literally killing ourselves.

Medicine: ?The body is meant for movement. Breath is a form of exercise that is completely overlooked. And breathing during exercise is what makes it medicinal.

Reflect: How are you breathing? Are you holding your breath more than you let it flow? How often are you consciously moving your body?

You see, it IS all happening FOR you

As you see above, all things and everything you experience throughout your day even your breath is happening for you. Literally, your lungs are on autopilot and without it you die. And if you are a person of faith you know that everything in the physical world was created for you. Just like the experiences we “get” have with our fellow humans. This brings us back to sex.?

Sex is sacred.?

Sharing your physical inner world with another is not an activity to be taken lightly but as a medicine. Just like medicine it is presented for one individual body. When you cherish it that way you enjoy the courses of someone’s soul.?

Pause with that thought for a minute.?

What does that mean to you? Is there any experience that has truly made you feel free in the depths of your soul whilst also feeling deeply connected to all that is through a divine reflector?

Nuns, priests, BKs, imams all experience this with their Lord and the rest of us get to experience this through selecting one person to create a divine Union. That happens with much vulnerability and clarity and willingness to hold space for another soul. The expression of that is not just frivolous act but multi orgasmic deliciously great sex.?

Do you see the distinction? How did that land for you?

If you would like to deepen your experience of sex as a medicine for your soul, connect with me.?

In summary, soul love is vulnerable and clearly being willing to hold space for another soul. The expression of that is not just frivolous act but multi orgasmic deliciously great sex. Carnal ravaging is the leftovers from slavery and colonization where sex was used as a weapon in the “workplace”. Women and men were raped as a form of control. Sex was also used transactionally. The truth is when you drop fear, worry and doubt only love flows. Love is the medicine if only we would pause and reflect.

Feel free to comment below. ?????

Cordelia Gaffar, the Ultimate Joy Goddess and? CEO of Cordelia Gaffar Enterprises, is a bestselling author, speaker, and host of The Free to be Show podcast.

Cordelia's journey led her to rediscover sex as a mindfulness practice, intertwining ancient body wisdom from Islamic sexology, erotology, tantra, and the Kamasutra. The result? The Four Mind Alignment (TM), unveiled in November 2022 after two years of client studies and five years of research.

This transformative methodology empowers women to be Multiorgasmic, merging ancient wisdom for total well-being. Cordelia's approach builds on her Replenish Me (?) process, featured in "Detached Love" (2020), promoting self-nurturing through food, movement, and sleep.

Now, she offers Embodiment Experiences in intimate group coaching and retreats, inviting women to a journey of self-discovery and replenishment. Cordelia is a former CFO and veteran home educator to her six children, three of whom have graduated going on to serve in the US Navy and become entrepreneurs in their own right. Join us on the Free to Be Show as we explore joy, enlightenment, and the transformative power of Cordelia Gaffar's wisdom.