Sorry - there's no room at the tribunal

A long time ago in 2020 England was ruled by a man called Boris. There were lots of problems facing people during this time. A virus spread across many lands meaning people could no longer gather, but the judiciary faced a different pandemic - employment tribunals were swamped. A swarm of 50,000 backlogged disputes was growing daily.

Boris looked to the skies any prayed for help – he prayed for divine intervention to solve the problem. He prayed day and night, but there was no answer.

Just as Boris was about to fall on his sword, an angel appeared and said “Peace be with you Boris. Do not be afraid, but you will be blessed with child, and you will name your baby mediation”.

Boris said goodbye to his family and friends and went to form a bubble with his cousin Dwayne Johnson who was his rock. Dwayne knew that Boris had been chosen and was very happy to see him. Boris stayed with Dwayne for three months before returning home to London, as he needed to explain about the baby to his girlfriend Carrie.

Carrie was worried when she found out Boris was expecting a baby before their marriage had taken place, they already had one baby son outside wedlock. She wondered if she should put off the wedding altogether. Then an angel appeared to Carrie in a dream and said “Don’t be afraid to have Boris as your husband”. The angel explained that Boris had been chosen to give birth to the saviour of employment tribunals. When Carrie woke up, she did what the angel told her to do and so took Boris as her husband.

At this time, the land was part of the European Union (EU) but they could be leaving without a deal. The EU’s Employment Lawyer Ursula wasn’t like most good Lawyers today - she wanted people to pay as much in legal fees as possible, and didn't care about the stress they endured. She ordered everyone to return to the town from which their families originally came, and enter their name into a track and trace system there. To avoid the evil Ursula, Boris and Carrie travelled the long road from London to Doncaster, as that’s where Carrie’s family came from.

Most people walked, but Boris and Carrie owned a Donkey called Dominic, who would carry them both, along with all their worldly possessions.

They travelled very slowly as Boris’s baby was due to be born any time. When they reached Doncaster they had problems finding somewhere to stay. So many people had come to register their names for track and trace, every house was full and every bed was taken in all the guest rooms. They even tried the courts but they were turned away – there was no room at the tribunals, they were all full for the next 18 months.

They could not find anywhere to stay, they were desperate. Then Dominic had an idea – he took them to Doncaster Castle, a place he'd visited during lockdown. Dominic remembered an old stable in the castle grounds – the owner allowed them to stay until the baby was born.

That evening, in the very place where the animals slept, Boris gave birth to his baby and they named it mediation.

In the factories and offices outside Doncaster, HR professionals looked after their flocks of bickering employees through the long night shift. As the new day began, suddenly an angel appeared and a bright light shone around them. The HR team were very scared, but the angel said “Do not be afraid, I have good news for you. Today in Doncaster a saviour has been born for you. You will find the baby lying in a manger”.

When the angels had gone the HR team said to one another “Let’s go to Doncaster to see what has happened. They found Boris and Carrie at the castle. Mediation was lying in a manger, just as the angel had said. When they saw the baby, they told everyone about it - those who heard the stories of mediation were astonished.

When mediation was born, a brand new bright star appeared in the sky. Three wise people in faraway lands saw the star. They were very clever people who studied the stars and read in very old writings that a new star would appear. They set out to find the saviour and to bring gifts to represent the gifts that mediation would deliver to the world.

The three wise people followed the star towards the county of Yorkshire. As they arrived they began to ask people: “Where is the child who is born to resolve disputes”? Ursula heard this and it made her very angry. She insisted that the wise people were sent to her. Ursula told them to go on following the star until they found mediation. She said “when you have found the baby, let me know where it is so I can promote the benefits of mediation”. Ursula did not tell them that she really had an evil plan to kill mediation and for all cases to go to court.

The three wise people followed the star towards Doncaster. It stopped and shone directly down upon the place where mediation lay.

They entered Doncaster Castle and found Boris and Carrie, and they bowed down and worshipped mediation. The wise people spread the gifts they had brought to reflect what mediation would deliver to the world in future. Their three gifts were:-

Saved time

Saved cost

Saved stress

Mediation grew bigger and stronger, meaning more and more people benefited across the land. Thousands of people and their families had less stress, more time, more money and the world was a much happier place. 

Employment Tribunals continued to hear the cases that needed to be there, and Employment Lawyers continued to do the great job they did every day - resolving issues early and representing in tribunals where early resolution wasn't possible. Tribunals became happier places too - no significant backlogs and Tribunal Chairs only heard the real cases that needed their judgement.

Pete Colby

Director at Pragmatism (UK) Ltd - specialists in mediation and employee relations.