Sorry, Not Sorry

The Art of the Apology

One of the hardest conversations to have is one where you have to say “I’m sorry.” Conflicts are a normal and healthy part of existence, and a lot of conflict boils down to accountability. We all make mistakes; when we mess up, we should reflect, connect, and move forward. Often, that means we have to apologize.

While everyone must apologize sometimes, not all apologies are good apologies. You know exactly what I mean if you’ve ever read a weak apology tweeted out by a celebrity or received the dreaded “I’m sorry you feel that way” from a friend. Apologies are meant to be a genuine expression of remorse, not a performance to satisfy the requirement. Saying “but” or “I guess I’m just a horrible person” do nothing to express real remorse.

Make It A Habit:

Here are some tips for crafting a real apology:

• Acknowledge and validate the hurt caused by your actions.
• Ex: “I know that what I did was hurtful and caused you a lot of distress.”
• Instead of sharing excuses for what happened, share what you have learned from the experience.
• Ex: “I am realizing that I may overreact at times, and I plan to work on that.”
• Ask what you can do to make it right.
• Ex: “What can I do to make you feel better?”

Tell us about your apology struggles. How did you manage to make it right after doing it wrong?

Updates from our movement:

• Let’s Give A Damn, a podcast hosted by Nick Laparra , features amazing people who are doing amazing things to make the world a more amazing place. Check out SWU CEO Tom Fishman on the latest episode!
• Founding Partner Jesús Mantas talks about bias; sometimes we think we are just telling it like it is, but we are actually leaning into our bias and hurting someone we want to help.
• In our latest episode of 3Cs in History, there is some compassion in action and a pretty awesome Pretty Woman impression!?

We are starting with us. We hope you are too.

With curiosity, compassion, and courage,

The Starts With Us Team