Sons and Daughters -II Molding our children. Can we really?

Some months ago I had written an article on the sad fate of children who get pushed into highly stressful coaching for competitive exams and end up taking an extreme step to escape( REF Sons and daughters published in Lined in).

The saga as I see continues with young boys and girls taking their lives unable to bear the stress of coaching as they stay away from parents and family.

Thinking on this has prompted me to write this piece which I urge you to read and ponder.

In a majority of cases the reason finally boils down to the parents making their children the vehicle to realize their own failed unachieved dreams. Would things have worked differently if the parents instead of pushing their children blindly on the path they failed to tread, instead studied the child and chose another appropriate path/career?

Ha! You would say. This is a competitive world and we must strive hard else shall be overtaken. Every child must study hard so on and so forth

But consider this a bit…

Many of us are at least half knowledgeable about the laws of Karma. But going a bit beyond the standard ‘you shall reap as you sow ‘ terminology , and if we read a bit more of the old texts ,we find that there is a path charted out for every one of us in the cycle of lives . What a person does in this life is not just circumstance and luck.

The texts and the gurus are quite unambiguous stating that the effect of past Karma dictates to a large extent the way your present life would be.

It is also said, the life process just does not begin at the point of biological conception. The life force as is called chooses the conception best suited based on the past karma and enlivens it this life.

Incredulous as it may seem but there is something more than just an explanation based on genes. Human intelligence is yet to discover how that spark of life is created. If we believe life as we call it is basically a form of energy ( we at least now agree that body mechanism runs on electric pulses) and we accept the fact that energy can neither be created nor destroyed the explanation above is not that difficult to digest. After all the energy released when the physical body ceases to exist has to go some where.

So now when we accept that the energy that gives life to a conception has done so based on certain hospitable factors that attracted the energy force, the fact that emerges is that the potential of the child is already predetermined to a large extent based on the energy body’s earlier manifestations.

In the above case are we really in a position to ‘mold’ the child’s future is a question we should look at.

Is it really ok to make your child the vehicle to chase the dreams you could not fulfill?

Instead, what if you observed the child with an open mind and tried to find out what it is destined for and encouraged all efforts in that direction?

Ah , you may counter, there are numerous cases where children of Doctors or engineers follow their parents footsteps and also become good doctors or engineers.

Of course this is definitely possible given the fact that the child’s capabilities were already inclined to such a profession and all were good in such a case.

Otherwise there is even a possibility? that the child would have done tremendously better in an alternate career that it showed its inclination for. It would have become an outstanding artist earning millions than a reasonably good doctor is what I want to point out.

Before we go overboard on this theory we should be careful to acknowledge a few things.

Finding out a child’s natural inclination is not easy. A temporary spark of interest can easily get mistaken for a great liking and get the parents moving in a wrong direction altogether.

On the other hand many a time it is relatively easy to spot. A natural inclination to arts, plants, music can definitely be spotted should the parents pay close attention to the child.

I am however by no means saying formal education, the value system based on exam performance are not needed. These are absolutely essential as the lay the basic foundation and also help managing a competitive environment. What I want to point out is you need to additionally check if there is some special inclination in the child and water it and grow it.

We all know that recently one of the foremost industrialists in India helped his son set up a state of the art animal care center. I am sure this is not off the hat decision. You needed only to see the enthusiasm on the sons face when he explained about it to realize he was living his dream though different from his father.’

I know of many cases (myself included) where we get forced by circumstances to choose a path that we are not too interested in. A person interested in culinary arts gets pushed to studying medicine, someone who can instinctively figure out cures for ailments studies engineering and so on.

??This is not just about putting your child in a music class if he or she shows an inclination and sitting aside to watch. This is about YOU firmly believing in your child. You might also have to course correct midway if needed. This may take years to develop but at the end the effort would surely be worth it wand what more, your child will ever thank you for it. What greater reward can be there than this for a parent?

Of course all this is not easy. But who said parenting ever was!!!

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