Somewhat Disparate Thoughts on Quarantine Life

Confession - I've been working out pretty late at night the past few weeks. I just can't seem to get it in during reasonable times. The good part about those late night sessions is my mind lets go in some ways and makes new connections in other ways. I want to try to put down a few of those thoughts and see if we can find anything worth discussing in there… please join me in the topics to move my ideas along.

Unbelievable arrogance and now waives of disbelief, grief, contentedness and calm pass over within minutes

I had thought that I was prepared for this better than most. Boy was I wrong! Last summer I broke my hip (long story…) and was fortunate enough to have an amazing surgeon attempt to repair it rather than replace it. But the recovery has been long and HARD. It did require staying off it and at home all last summer. I worked from home, barely left the house, honed my delivery receiving skills and learned to accept help. I also grieved lost plans for the summer (Machu Picchu one day I will hike to you) and practiced up my medical research.  All these were perfect pandemic practice.  Yes but not quite.

Arrogance. Pure arrogance. I was completely UNDER PREPARED for what it is like to worry for the health of the population, the health of the economy, worry and worry and worry and be incredibly unable to help. With my hip, my focus was on healing and not being a burden. What hubris for me to think an injury was the equivalent of a pandemic. I am humbled.  I was unprepared for the waves of dystopian disbelief, the partisan bickering over helping the vulnerable, grief for a way of life. I was also unprepared that 10 minutes after feeling all these feels, I would be helping my children pull glorious smelling warm homemade chocolate bread out of the oven and have an incredible feeling of contentedness at having food and shelter and healthy family around me. This juxtaposition is startling and distracting.  

Belonging is different now but also the same

I worry intensely for the progress of inclusion and belonging as a result of the pandemic, especially the adverse impact on women and girls. I know there are other social issues to also be concerned about (access to medical as a stark example), but this really keeps me up at night. 

Even before Covid-19, in the United States and the United Kingdom, women spent 50% more time on unpaid labor. (check out https://www.unwomen.org/en/about-us for more). I see women academics falling behind on publishing as home schooling falls on them, I have read the reports about the impact on female migrant workers and domestic help. The economic and social status of women and girls will suffer vastly from Covid-19. Here is a policy brief on the issue: (https://www.unwomen.org/-/media/headquarters/attachments/sections/library/publications/2020/policy-brief-the-impact-of-covid-19-on-women-en.pdf?la=en&vs=1406)

But yes. And yes. And unfortunately I can also see it in my own network. If you are reading this you are my network. Try to take a look at your teams, at your friends, at your co-workers. Where is the extra unpaid labor falling in your family. Who sweats the meal planning? Who is up trying to figure out the next day's homeschool plan at midnight? Who is doing the endless laundry and ensuring the children's sheets are washed? How are they able to do their jobs at the same level as those who don't have that incremental work? I know there are families out there with balance (and I work hard to make mine one) but the 50% before Covid-19 disparity is bound to be magnified. What can we do?

And as we start opening up our offices before schools and childcare is available, how are families going to manage? Will we create those who CAN and those who CANNOT go into the offices? How will that be reflected in our unconscious bias, what mind hacks will we use to ensure vulnerable populations and family caretakers will not fall behind, or will we decide to let them fall behind? To take one for the team? (That question is rhetoric) That is not an answer These are the things that I wonder about when I work out late at night. Belonging looks different now, but also the same. Bias and unfair unpaid work distributions - conscious or not - are being magnified by our current situation and those of us who want to continue to move towards a more equal society have to be the voice and the mirror. 

I am fatigued by Video meetings more than I was aware - let's try something new

Switching topics, a friend sent me a WSJ article today that was entitled "Why Zoom Meetings Exhaust Us" I would post here but it is behind a paywall. If you have WSJ just google it. The gist of it is video meetings are mentally exhausting. For real brain science reasons. I love Zoom and am grateful for the tool, but before reading this article and then letting it marinate in my mind for a bit, I hadn't realized the toll of 5 hours of video calls was having on me.  Tomorrow, I will pivot my 1:1s and certain other meetings to calls and invite the participants to go outside and walk while we talk. Stay tuned for my updates on whether that works out better, but I have a feeling we will be more productive and feel better as a result.

 Raise a Hand to Get a Hand

Finally, I want to close with THIS IS HARD AND HARD DAYS ARE REALLY REALLY HARD. You can't hear it enough. Ask for help if you are drowning - even if you feel you shouldn't be drowning. Let's not be judgy of each other's decisions to stay afloat here. And you may need to raise a hand to get a hand, as we are all doing our best and our vision is a bit myopic on our own situations. If there is no one else for you to raise a hand to… send me a PM. I will help you brainstorm. We are processing a lot, we are trapped in our houses for the most part, the news is scary and the world is upside down. It is ok to ask for help.  Raise your hand to get a hand.