Sometimes, You Just Have to Get Better

My son is pursuing his dream of playing professional futbol (soccer) in Spain. This has been his goal since he was a young boy. He doesn't just want to be a professional, he wants to play in the first division in La Liga (Spain), The Premier League (England), or the Bundesliga (Germany).

If you know anything about the competitive world of international futbol, you understand what a stretch pursuit this is.

I have absolutely no doubt, however, that he'll make it.

He loves everything about the game of soccer. The training, the strength & conditioning, watching videos, and trying to break down games. He loves learning and he relishes practice. He's constantly studying and looking for ways to improve.

But there's nothing he finds more joy in than being on the field playing. It can be on a huge soccer field like you see on TV, or in a pickup game on a dirt field. Playing and competing are what he lives for.

In his soccer club as a kid, he never made the most competitive team for his age group. Even though he never missed a single practice, trained on his own, and went to every clinic or soccer camp that would let him in, he'd make it to the 2nd level team but never got pulled up.

In high school, he played Junior Varsity (JV) for his first three years. His school had a very competitive team, but he had been playing with these athletes since they were all kids. During his senior year, after the tryouts, the coach told him that he wouldn't end up making the roster.

He ended up doing a semester abroad in Mexico, learned to speak Spanish fluently, and played there.

It was hugely disappointing to watch him struggle at every level. So many of his coaches just didn't reward how hard he trained, his level of discipline, and how much desire he had to play the sport.

At times, I hated those guys. Any coach who has a player show up on their team, with the kind of drive and persistence my son has, even if he has no athletic talent at all, should be able to help that individual improve, succeed, and reach their goals.

That's what coaching is all about…and why so many coaches simply suck at it.

They want to inherit a team of Lebron James', Kobe Bryants, and Michael Jordans, sit back, and bask in the glory of a leading a winning program.

They don’t want to build these players and teams from scratch.

I sat on the sidelines and watched coaches make decisions about my son, that did nothing to help him. I watched his disappointment game after game, and season after season. It hurt to watch how much he struggled. I knew how much achieving in the sport meant to him.

But the only thing I ever told to him was, "You have to improve. You have to get better. You have to get so good, in every aspect of your sport, that no one can deny you your right to play."

Even though I wanted to tell him what I thought of his coaches, all he heard from me from about age 13 on, was that if he really wanted to play on the top teams, he had to get better.

That's tough medicine for a kid.

It's also very empowering. It teaches you that even when you feel like someone else is controlling some outcome you want--a coach, teacher, boss, etc.--they're really not.

You have to rely on yourself. You have to solve the problems that are keeping you from your goal. You have to put in the work. You have to figure it out. You can't quit.

Sitting back, whining, and wishing you had a better coach, a different environment, or easier opportunities, won't help.

I think my son figured eventually figured out that he has everything he needs, to reach whatever level of sport he wants, so long as he's willing to keep working for it.

The other day when I was talking with him, and in passing said that I was frustrated that I hadn't closed any deals recently, he calmly told me:

"Dad, you just need to get better at sales!"

Muchas gracias hijo!

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