Sometimes “It Is What It Is”

Life throws curve balls and we swing and miss. It happens. We all experience it. Things do not always turn out how we expected nor wanted. And often times, there is just nothing we can do but accept it.

Torturing ourselves with unanswerable questions like “Why?” “What else could I have done?” And “How can I turn back the clock and try again” are futile. Too often, when something or someone is gone, its is gone.. And accepting that is the only road to healing and wholeness. The longer we take to begin this journey, the longer our pain and loss will last.

I have 3 children from divorce. Unfortunately, my EX had family money and resources that defeated me in court. She got custody. And as so often happens, my children were indoctrinated to hate me as much as she does. They adored me as children, but they despise me now. And I have no idea why. They refuse to communicate. It has been many years since I have heard from them, despite my earnest attempts to speak and reconcile. – There is Nothing else I can do. (This is all very ironic because much of my life has been spent raising children as a school teacher and as a coach. -- I love children!)

For many years, I have been tortured with their loss. That misery has been a weight that I can physically feel pulling down on my heart. I have shed an ocean of tears asking God to intervene. But their silence has been like a granite cliff.

I am 72 now. I still have some life to live that I want to enjoy. I am determined to let go. I recall that old saying, “If you lose someone, let them go, and if they really loved you, they will come back.” – They didn’t. And I must accept that unless God performs a miracle, they never will.

“The past is just a good-bye,” is a line from a Crosby, Stills and Nash song. It is time for me to say farewell. I must if I want this misery to subside and then disappear.

I will always love and pray for my children. I do constantly. But now, I must turn away. I have other important things to accomplish in my life. There are many others for me to love and to care for. And so I have thrown myself into writing articles and books, making YouTube videos, and expanding my social networks. – I have contributions to the world to give. I am busying myself with doing those things. -- I love assisting others.

I have come to this simple but profound understanding: “IT IS WHAT IT IS.” My accepting that reality is the only path out of this darkness and back into the light.

I know that millions are currently enduring much greater losses and suffering than I am. I reminded when I pray for myself to pray for those people too. -- Some of them have lost everything recently due to fire and floods. It has been devastating! -- Underserving, destructive and harmful things happen in life seemingly randomly. Like the Psalmist, King David, perhaps our only comfort is to know this: "You God, see the trouble of the afflicted; you consider their grief and take it in hand...You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them, and you listen to their cry." (Psalm 10:14&17)

Our God knows. He sees. He is with us.

Mark Baird