Sometimes, we should just walk away

In the past two years I have looked for a job twice. I worked really hard to push all opportunities and to say yes to all options that fit my criteria. I was rejected by 111 companies, I had 10 offers in total and I halted the process in 3 companies.

Only 3 companies? I must be desperate.

Be extremely clear with yourself on what you want [...] When those things are unobtainable because of your future manager, just walk away.

The only reason I terminated a process with a company was because of a bad future boss. An hour of conversation with these special three people made it clear: I would not work with these people for any amount of wisdom or gold. I had three of these during my extended process, more before that. The examples below are from my entire 20 years’ experience of interviewing.?

A director I met informed me that management has but one single correct path. I like a person with a strong opinion, but this was no debate, it was a game show. I considered my answer carefully as this director seemed to be a man of few words; surely he places high value in them.

The conversation meandered as I tried to guess the right “path”. When, exasperated, the director told me the “right” answer I got angry. Everything I said was the right answer, except that I had used different words; words he did not value like “Trust” and “Transparency”. The rest of the conversation clarified that he and I disagree on almost every meaningful topic in management and leadership. We parted ways and I did my best not to slam the door on my way out, I may have failed.

I’ve had managers that could articulate very well how and why choices were made. Each had their own parameters and values; one was noble and aimed for fairness, another optimized for revenue, another wanted to keep as many options open as possible in every choice. I can work with principles and as long as those are principles are worthy I am willing to change to conform. It's part of the job; I am expected to align my team to the organization’s guidance and processes which are derived from those basic principles.

I have a problem when no clear guidelines exist. When the principles are “whatever you think is right” or “do the new thing”, the arbitrary opaqueness destroys alignment. Wrong choices are made, not because they are inherently bad but because the choice is isolated and unsupported by the other choices made elsewhere in the organization. Misalignment and lack of clear values promotes siloing, cynicism and corruption of processes.

I recall one CTO that told me that his 400 developers organization just concluded a transition to use mono-repo for their micro services architecture product. An odd choice, I asked him why. He responded with “that’s what everyone’s doing”. When I pressed for details, he admitted that it’s a solution that evolved in one team and was extended, bit by bit, because some developers liked it and it was perceived as modern and fashionable. An unbeatable position in the mono-repo debate, for sure.

I avoid organizations where I see, with my own eyes, evidence of disruptive office politics, backstabbing and other organizational maneuvers that make no sense.

I had just concluded an offer conversation with a CTO. The offer will hit my mailbox today, in a few hours. A man barged into our conversation and insisted, loudly, in front of a stranger (that's me), to be included in the interview process. The moment I was left alone with him, I knew I was not in Kansas any more.

This person turned out to be the VP of Sales. His lordship informed me that I should respect him and look out for what he says because he pays my salary. Nay! Everyone’s salary. I waited patiently for a question, none arrived. I was not being interviewed. This was a power-play, one which was indulged by the other executives and my future supervisor. This means power-politics are the norm in this 30-person company. That’s like a free-for-all knife fight in a bathroom stall, very messy. I wish I had walked away then, instead I had a miserable year-and-a-half and then I walked away wiser.

A manager you do not want to work with, do not respect or cannot maintain a professional relationship with will (at least) waste your time. Such a relationship will teach you bitterness, underhanded tactics and foster a cynical outlook that will ruin you. Don't go there, the money isn't worth it and your ambitions will not be realized.

Be extremely clear with yourself on what you want to find in the companies you work for. When those things are absent or unobtainable because of your future direct manager, just walk away.