Sometimes We Do Things With RELATIONSHIPS

It seems like it should be the most natural thing in the world to treat your partner with kindness, consideration and respect. After all, this is the person you’ve chosen to share your life, heart and in most cases, bed with. Yet for many people in committed relationships, the respect, kindness and admiration that were present at first tend to fade over time.

Most people treat their partners with the utmost respect and kindness in the dating and courting stages. After all, the relationship would not have likely progressed if that weren’t the case. So, why do so many people start out presenting the best version of themselves and then over time, begin to treat their beloved partners with disrespect or disregard—and sometimes even disdain?

In some cases, it’s simply because many of us have not been taught to treat our significant others with deep and daily respect. It’s what I call passing the dysfunctional baton.

We basically learn how to be in relationships from the role models we witnessed as children. By the time we reach young adulthood, we pretty much have a master’s degree in relationships and, whether we like it or not, our parents were our professors.

And depending on how our parents were taught by our grandparents, this may or may not be good news. I’m in no way casting blame here. Our parents and grandparents received their relationship education from their caregivers too.

So, we all get what we get, and what we get depends on circumstances beyond our control. But that doesn’t mean we can’t find tutors or new teachers, and it doesn’t mean we can’t learn and improve if our original role models were less than ideal.

I’m sure you’ve experienced this. You’re dating someone, things have gone from good, to stale, to not-that-great. But you’re not quite ready to break up.

So maybe you pick a fight or two. Maybe you’re not as supportive as you’d be otherwise. Maybe you get a little careless with the relationship itself because you’re ready for an upgrade.

While this behavior makes perfect sense, it’s not the best way to handle a dying relationship. It just makes the worst part of dating last longer.

If your relationship is in that not-so-great place, there’s a better way. First, you have to answer a critical question. Then, based on your answer, you should take one of two actions.

The Question

When a previously good relationship turns sour, the first thing you have to determine is if it can be salvaged.

Do you have faith in the relationship’s foundation?

Is this guy someone you really WANT to be with?

Is this phase just a hurdle to overcome?

Every relationship has rough patches. You don’t need to cut bait and run the first time things require work. But you shouldn’t stick around in a relationship that’s never going to be fulfilling, either.

So, which kind of relationship is THIS ONE?

Answering that question may seem obvious, but a lot of people avoid even ASKING the question. We’re afraid the answer will obligate us to action.

Spoiler alert

But that’s exactly why asking the question is so important. If you’re not happy now, you definitely need to do something. Knowing what you truly want will help determine what you should do.

Once you know your answer, you’re ready for the next step.

If you want to stick with the relationship…

Then it’s time to get to work.

Have a frank but loving conversation with your man. Admit that things haven’t been ideal lately. Emphasize that you care about him and want to get through it.

Then work WITH him to develop an action plan.

A good action plan will require BOTH of you to make some changes. Be sure to nail down what he’s going to work on and what you’re going to work on. Be as specific as possible.

If the relationship isn’t a keeper…

Then it’s time to gracefully part ways and move on.

I want to caution you, though. Don’t be rash.

If you’re unhappy now, it may be easier to imagine ending things than staying together. Don’t rush to any dramatic conclusions. Really think about how you feel. Good guys are hard to find.

That said, as soon as you’re sure a relationship isn’t going to get any better, end it.

A few important side notes:

Being nice doesn’t mean being phony. We all have feelings, moods, thoughts and needs.

The upgrade I’m speaking of is about being respectful, no matter what you’re feeling. And if you slip and say or do something disrespectful, you clear it up as soon as possible, the same way you would clean up an accidental spill. 

Healthy relationships have healthy habits. Let’s not forget that blissful relationships involve a physical love, as well as love I service and sacrifice to another…….the “I only need you” mentality is just rubbish…..humans are more complex and loving relationships can be much more intricate and blissful when simple healthy habits like having dinner together as a family without the tv and cell phones……

Additionally, if your relationship is unsafe — physically or emotionally — it might be time to get out or, at the very least, get professional help. But if you feel like you are with the one you love (and hopefully like) and you are ready to make some improvements in the way you treat your partner.

Don’t drag things out. Don’t flirt with conflict in the hopes he’ll walk away. Don’t torture yourself by sticking with someone who doesn’t meet your needs.

Whether we’re talking about your phone or your love life, when it’s time to upgrade, it’s time to upgrade. Both upgrades come at a cost.

If you’re not happy where you are, either move the relationship to a better place or move on.

Your thoughts on this article …… You are my everything.!

The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice .All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / educational purposes only, and to ensue discussion or debate.

Romantic bliss always takes work. Don’t shy away from doing your part to guarantee your own happiness.

You’re definitely worth the effort!

Thanks for reading……By stopping to acknowledge your partner with favors, small flirtations, thoughtful notes, little gifts, winks, hugs, etc. you are saying, ‘You matter to me. I'm happy to have you in my life. I'm here for you.”