Sometimes it Sucks

Sometimes it just seems so hard, doesn't it? If you've read my prior newsletters, you know about our company offsite last year on the John Muir Trail, some of our highs and some of our lows as well as how these experiences parallel many challenges and opportunities one might experience in leadership and in organizational cultures.

Take a good look at my expression in the photo above. It accurately reflects my "enthusiasm" and "joy" at successfully completing our 240+ mile adventure. The high at the summit of Mount Whitney had clearly been erased by the freezing wind, 100 switchbacks, witnessing a search of a possible frozen hiker and then a miraculous appearance of said "frozen" hiker and the 8 hours of one excruciating step after another down the never-ending 10 miles to the trailhead.

I feel similarly today, although the exhaustion is more emotional than physical. I have been "trying" to write this next newsletter for the last few days, but I haven't felt very expansive and I certainly wouldn't say I've been thriving. How could I show up for you, when I was struggling with my own stuff? From the outside, I'm sure you wouldn't know it, but isn't that the way it is often? Just keep holding it together until you can't anymore.

A mentor once told me, show up as you are and leverage that in all you do. Well, this week I feel exhausted, emotional, stressed and sad. Why? A whole host of reasons that might be similar to challenges you're facing right now or might be very different. it doesn't really matter... we each have our own journey to hike. Yet, it does matter because we rarely share this stuff at work... and sometimes we don't share it at home. Yet, it impacts everything we do.

Out of respect for my adult children I don't want to share their stories, but let's just say that being a parent to an adult child struggling with mental health issues is terrifying and is a sure way to teach you (over and over) that you do not have control. And it weighs on you. I hit my breaking point this morning when my partner reminded me that he is by my side. I can step back and be grateful for the lessons I am learning and how my experiences have made me a more empathic person and how they help me understand my customers better. That's all great. And yet, it feels so hard right now.

As I write this, I suddenly remember that this weekend is Mother's Day. And since my mom died 21 years ago, this day breaks my heart more than thrills it. And yes, my kids adore me and love spending time with me. It's just missing the "mom" part of the celebration for me. Just another aspect of life making things feel harder. So... what's the point of this week's newsletter?

As the title of Glennon Doyle 's podcast states, the point is "We can do hard things." So if you're a leader, know that people are dealing with so many challenges right now. You are not responsible for solving all these problems, but you are responsible for showing up as a kind and compassionate person. If your EQ (Emotional Intelligence) hasn't been nurtured lately, make an effort to increase your awareness of your own emotions and create an environment that is respectful of others and what they may be dealing with.

If you are a leader responsible for culture, do more than say what you intend to do. Embody, model your intentions and create an culture that allows such intentions to thrive. We can't say we want to create a safe, inclusive work environment and not show up as our best, open, curious, and kind. We also can't pretend that we have never had a bad day and then expect others to feel safe to open up about their struggles. We are all on an ever-expanding journey of learning so if we can acknowledge that we won't do everything perfectly and stay open to growth, wouldn't this help make the world a better place?

And, if you are someone, like me, who feels heavy, exhausted today and wondering why it has to be so hard, you're not alone. We can do this. We don't have to pretend we aren't hurting, but we also don't need to let that drive our next actions. When I used to consult in intense hospital settings, I would always remind loved ones to care for themselves. Taking a sip of water, walking in the sunshine or rain, eating a meal, singing at the top of your lungs in a car with your favorite music playing, giving yourself permission to cry or scream, sleeping or at least resting are some of many suggestions I would offer as these loved ones faced massive uncertainty about someone's life or death. Life is hard sometimes and we can still find joy.

It used to be that we had to pretend all the time to have it together, but I think that is killing us. I believe we can show up authentically and still move forward in powerful and creative ways. I mentioned in a meeting that I was dealing with some intense issues and might not be as quick or clear as I normally am. I was well-received, supported and our conversation led to a deeper and more creative solution than any of us expected.

My last thought today is that we can acknowledge our pain while also feeling gratitude for the good in our life. Yes, some days are more challenging than others to find the appreciation. And, remembering what really matters to us can support us on our journey. I am driven to empower others in their lives. It matters to me. It's my purpose. If I acknowledge my humanity, that doesn't always look pretty, maybe that helps someone I work with to feel more seen... and ultimately feel more empowered to take their next step forward. #leaadership #authenticleadership #wellbeingatwork 9Q Solutions

I'm Laura Ciel and I empower leaders and their teams to thrive, in an often chaotic world, while making a positive impact. If you're interested in learning more about private or team training and coaching, check out my upcoming Thrive Together Women's Cohort , our website or DM me on LinkedIn so we can discuss your particular needs.