Sometimes Some Things Are Better Left Unknown
Shima Ghaheri
From Designing Games to Designing Futures | TEDx Speaker, Career Coach, Ex Toy and Game Designer
They say the ones who help the most are often the ones who need the most help themselves. ????
The simple story that I'm sharing today with you, cost me $$, weeks of self-doubt, two months dealing with depression, and a long journey of meditation, therapy, and healing.
For as long as I can remember, I've worn a badge of PEOPLE PLEASOR. (I know I'm not alone) ??
As an introvert, it took me a few years to realize that my work would not speak for me! You have to be BOLD and advocate for yourself, or else, someone will take credit for your work. ????
For me, the wake-up call happened when I got an "AVERAGE" end-of-year performance review, after working 50+ hours every single week.
All the while my coworker—who did half the work—got a promotion! Shocking, isn't it? ?? ??
As a workaholic and a people pleaser who tends to go above and beyond, I felt FRUSTRATED and DEFEATED. ??
I mean, let's be honest, it's not their fault entirely. I did not advocate for myself and I take %100 responsibility for that. But what they did was UNPROFESSIONAL and UNFAIR. ??
It took me two months of investigations, a report to HR, and a delayed bonus to uncover the TRUTH: my coworker had been taking credit for my work in meetings I didn't attend.
I was focused on preserving a "toxic" work relationship for so long just because I thought by showering my coworker with love and understanding, they would change. But as you can imagine... they didn't.
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Eventually, it had consequences for me...
One of my top #3 character strengths is LOVE: "Valuing close relations with others; being close to people."
It seemed to be a positive strength!
But I overused it to the point where it became a curse. People began to expect me to be loving and caring 24/7 at my own expense.
I'm not here to dwell, my point is to remind you of something vital.
In life's chaos and difficulties, it's easy to forget our own needs. ??
To my fellow OVER-GIVERS: Self-care isn't selfish—it's necessary.
We need to rewrite our stories. Prioritizing self-care and standing up for ourselves isn't just necessary—it's EMPOWERING.
You are all amazing and we’re all trying our best - and that's what matters. ??
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(Repost this ?? if you think it'd help your friends)
UX Researcher | Research Scientist | Behavioral Science | Human-Centered Design Research | Digital Health | Los Angeles | Runner
11 个月I recognize this all too well. Thank you for sharing!
Executive Director - Experienced in process development and implementation in operations, finance, and HR/payroll. Advocate for workplace and mental health wellness.
11 个月Shima - thank you for sharing this personal story. As a fellow 'people pleaser' I can identify with this. Self advocacy is not easy for everyone, but definitely a necessary skill to hone.
Performance Strategist | Business Enablement Specialist | Empowering Professionals to Elevate Impact and Achieve Transformative Breakthroughs
11 个月Shima Ghaheri's insights remind us that self-advocacy and self-care aren't just beneficial; they're essential for our professional and personal growth. In the tech industry, where the pace is relentless, it's crucial to remember our worth and stand up for it. Let's prioritize our well-being to fuel our success and innovation. ~~~ Shima, I'm sorry you endured the cascading pain caused by another person's callous lack of integrity! And THANK YOU for BOLDLY proclaiming your insights and experience; your transparency helps to unveil the shroud of secrecy liars try to hide behind. - I hope your transparency creates an awareness to encourage self-care, and personal advocacy, and bring about healing and support. - And I hope others will know they are not alone and find their voice to speak up against those who try to take advantage of their goodness. #bestintentions
Startup Founder, Mentor, I Deliver, Consistently ?? Product/Project/Program Manager, Tech-Savvy IT Professional
11 个月Ohhh painful story... ?? Stay strong and optimistic ?? Sending some good vibes ?? ??